I may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with me.

Where is our sense of urgency?

2011-07-25T09:05:00.001-06:00

Share the gospel with someone today! So many people need Jesus today!

God is not to blame for my poopy diaper...

2011-04-27T12:48:00.007-06:00

...but he took responsibility for it anyway and sent Jesus to clean it up. All He asks in return is to believe Him. There are evidences of Him everywhere.

Romans 1:14-25

"I am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish. 15 That is why I am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are in Rome.

16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. 17 For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last,[b] just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”[c]

God’s Wrath Against Sinful Humanity

18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk6_hdRtJOE&feature=player_embedded#at=104

Do you not see the beauty of a Creator? Do not let the mess of world distract you from the God that created everything in perfection, and allowed humans to have the choice to keep it that way or live their own way. You and I have made a mess of this world and shame on us for blaming God for it.

BUT there is still hope, it will not be this way forever. Jesus will return and make all things new, but we must believe that His grace is enough to satisfy the penalty for our mess. Trust Him.

"We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world"

2011-02-28T15:11:00.003-06:00

I am not a huge fan of the movie Fight Club. I've seen it, it is a trip. I talked to a friend about it the other day and we both agreed that it is popular(especially with guys) because it is actually really relevant. We all identify with living and working an unsatisfactory life. Clock in clock out, and no end in sight.

Just in the amount of time it took to write the last paragraph, I felt my vision glaze a bit and my mind start to wander. No, it is not ADHD this time. I am wondering more and more how I can serve God well while so much of the pieces that make up my life are unsettled and temporary. The place I live, the job I have, the debt I owe, the lack of a car, the lull in my normally positive outlook on life. I know...what a poopy way to feel and live. And it plagues so many people.

One part of life I feel successful...crossfit, but even a lull there too. Just another drop pouring out of the optimism cup into the realistic cup while others headed to fatalism. Such a drag, and so many people never find a way out; at least not until death, and that is realistic to me. Some would say "no that sounds suicidal or fatalistic at best." But it is really about perception. What about after death? Ah, yes. "we are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world." but that thought is incomplete. We certainly do have a natural talent to mess our lives up, but the alternative is the certainty of life and hope and peace and unimaginable satisfaction beyond our short and often miserable lives on earth.

I believe I have lost perspective when my eyes are glazed and my mind wanders. I am not encouraging us all to just accept our sub-par circumstances and make peace with mess we have made. Certainly we press on to live life well. But with the understanding that we live in "the in-between". Between the filth I produce today, while living in the grace God has given to sustain me through tomorrow and the next and the next until he will one day redeem it and that is the hope I have for today.

Unfortunately for too many people, that hope does not come soon enough; when their cup overflows with doubt after such a long time of failure. And then wonder... will it ever end? Surely it never will, it has been too long. And our vision can begin to blur and we forget what where our hope came from in the first place. Jesus has not come back yet, but he will and certainly as he said "in this world you will have trouble but give you my peace..." peace in our faith in his promise. He will return, he has the final say and he will perfect everything once again. PERFECT.

For those who, by his grace, hold on to this hope; there is a glorious future. A may hope that will sustain us for today and tomorrow and the next day...until he returns or calls us home.

Fighting with a dull pocket knife

2011-02-14T16:25:00.003-06:00

It baffles me to talk to a person who will profess their faith in the Bible, yet would claim it to not be infallible; that it is not completely inerrant because of translation, or merely a good book with good things to live by, neither do they respect its authority.

It makes me think about the armor of God...

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."

Ephesians 6:13-18

...especially the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Continuing with the war time thought process, if you think it is possible to believe in a Bible that is not completely trust worthy, that is merely suggestive, that is without error? If you are going into battle, a heated deadly battle...what would you choose to attack your enemy and to block his attacks; a strong sword that is long and perfectly balanced, a sword that has been faithful in previous battles, a sharp sword that fits your hand perfectly? Or would you choose a small pocket knife, dull and brittle, with a blade that is nearly useless; a pocket knife with a short blade and a handle that merely fits in your fingers.

NO DUH!

But this is what you have done when you undermine the authority of God; when you take His word and say it has errors or that is not completely trust worthy. What a foolish little pocket knife with which to defend yourself. Your faith is at risk when your measly knife is too weak to block the blows of a stronger and more skilled enemy. You might as well turn the blade on yourself for being such a fool.

Socialites

2011-01-17T14:32:00.005-06:00

What drive us to be social? Why do I want others to know what I am thinking and doing? Why do I want to know what others are thinking and doing? Of course there are some introverts out there that are the exception, but then again they probably don't read my blog because they don't care about what I'm thinking.

Although I have no idea if my assumptions are ever correct, I like to think I am pretty good at reading between the lines. I enjoy reading tweets and status updates for face value, but even more fascinating to try and read between the lines. I know that my status updates and tweets often have subliminal meanings, whether anyone can decipher them or not. Some more obvious than others. And there are also things throw out as bait, hoping that someone will bite and give them some attention. I am not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it makes me groan or mumble "nope, not gonna do it" to myself.

3 ways I view status updates/ tweets
-Face value: It is what it is
-Subliminal Message: Read between the lines, maybe more about what is not said that actually written. And I would suggest they really do want someone to know what they are really thinking.
-Baited Hook: Fishing a response, for attention

Here are some examples...and I admit I am guilty of all three kinds. : ]

The Baited Hook
Actual Post: "Sigh"
Translation: "this sucks" or "I'm tired" or maybe disapproval of some thing or someone.
Potential desired response: "Please ask me why?" Or "Please give me some attention" or (again, that is not always a bad thing, but I think fb or twitter is probably the wrong venue to look for it/ receive it."

Sidenote: Why do you feel the need to tell me you are tired? And why do I feel the need to tell you I'm tired? Well, keep reading and I will summarize all of this in the bigger picture in a couple paragraphs.

Face Value
Actual Post: "At Urban Coffee lounge...good coffee, good friends and good conversation"
Translation: "At Urban Coffee lounge...good coffee, good friends and good conversation"
Potential desired response: Maybe approval or just letting people know that Urban is a cool place to hang out. Nothing mysterious about it.

Face Value(but indirect)
Actual Post: "tomorrow" is not spelled "tommaro"! Really? How are you in high school right now? (This is one I posted recently)
Translation: I am straight up criticizing you right now, but not to your face. Although you may read this at some point and feel dumb.
Potential desired response: Sympathy with my irritation for someone's incompetency, to make myself look better/ someone think I'm funny, or plainly stated SLANDER.

Subliminal Message
Actual Post: "...cause you're amazing, just the way you are"
Translation: There's this girl I have a crush on, but have yet to tell her how I feel, but too risky to actually tell her. She might reject me.
Potential desired response: Maybe she will read between the lines and figure out I like her and then I won't have to risk putting myself out there...like actually telling her face to face. Or just hoping girls in general will think I'm a nice guy, or comment "aww that's cute" and that's almost like her saying "you're cute"

Sidenote: To all you ladies out there, every single guy you puts himself out there is better off by you clearly saying "no, I do not feel the same way" than you feeling like that is mean and not wanting to hurt his feelings and then avoiding him. Or maybe ignoring the subject or just not saying anything at all. Us the word "no" somewhere in your response and be honest. I can tell you from experience, I appreciate the young lady that told it to me straight; it's discouraging at first, but really healthy for me. If he is willing to be honest with you about his feelings, you need to be willing to do the same by being clear and honest with him.

Alright to summarize this all up. Why do we have a drive to be social, and where does it come from? I believe even the most introverted person has a desire to be known. For myself, I know it comes pretty easily to let a lot of people know a lot about me. I'm an extrovert. And some of my introverted friend's have explained they too want to share who they are with another person, but maybe just one or two other people. And I believe we seek love and acceptance. God has created us this way, and I really enjoy reading the Bible and seeing the language God uses to describe His love and acceptance of us. It's a beautiful fit how he places in me the desire for love and acceptance and then gives me those things. He graciously gives us all things.

If you know anything about me, you are aware of my "huggy" nature. The more hugs the better in my opinion, because I believe in the power of touch. The power of holding a baby. The power of giving and receiving a hug in the midst of a rough day or week or month or year. The power of a hug between friends and family who have been apart for a long period of time. I believe our words have the same power in hearing to give a hug to the soul. And of course the destructive alternative. I believe that right now the need for love and acceptance is most obviously expressed in our social media. And I mentioned earlier in the side note, "why do you and I feel the need to tell each other that we are tired?" and that is for sympathy, or maybe conversation starter and filler. It's a pet peeve of mine that I habitually do myself, and I groan inside every time. : ]

-"Hey, how are you?"
-"Tired(internal groan)"

But I also stated that I don't think that social media is really the right venue to seek and find love and acceptance. Or at least not the main source. In the sense that I believe it is much better to be social in "reality". Don't you agree? So I charge you with this...
Give a hug today and seek to fulfill each other's need for love and acceptance and sympathy face to face. In person. And share the wonder of a God that created us is a really beautiful way with this need to relate and friends and family and ultimately Himself to satisfy them.

Peace.

Ephesians 2:1-10 Made Alive In Christ

2010-12-20T11:53:00.006-06:00

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,
2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.
3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.
4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,
5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,
7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
9 not by works, so that no one can boast.
10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I have never regretted day going in to my crossfit gym. I have often walked in the door nervous to see what WOD(workout of the day) is on the board, but never walked out thinking I should have stayed home. From what I can recollect, I have yet to meet someone else who has honestly regretted working to become a more healthy person- working out, eating well, getting enough sleep...at least on the back end of it all. I agree there is no satisfaction in many failed attempts of dieting and trying different exercise routines and everything else that many dedicate themselves to at the turn of a new year.

Sidenote: One of the biggest, if not the biggest factors in successfully becoming a healthier person, is sustainability. Find a way to eat, a way to stay active that you can do for the rest of your life. It is not 6 minutes = 6pack, it is not 60 days or 6 weeks of P90x, it is not 6 months of some agonizing diet/ fast/ cleanse and then done. It is a way of eating and being active that you can stick with 7 days a week until death do you part.

Incomparable to the happier, healthier, fitter Joel I have become, is the new life I have found in Jesus Christ. I could spend many more paragraphs and entire posts to the joy and satisfaction I have found in being a Christian. But how do I describe a transformed heart? I'm not sure I can explain my feelings, my peace and my hope in something outside of everything that has or will eventually fail me in this world. Would you take my word for it, or hundreds of more words? All I can give is personal experience; both in my crossfit experience and as a Christian. I failed at diets before, high school sports could not compete with my eating habits, I gained the freshmen 30 and averaged 10 more each year at college, eating was how I coped with the mess of life. And the same is true as who I am created to be; Legalism has been my religion, moralism has been my religion, and judging the shortcomings I see in others, which I might add were usually the very things in which I was coming up short. It all has failed and is failing. Self-reliance fails, and crossfit will eventually fail me. Crossfit can't save me from gravity, from getting older and ultimately death.

It's all about Ephesians 2. It's about Jesus.
Merry Christmas!

Bonus: This is one of the pictures that popped up when I googled Crossfit and Jesus

Link

2010-12-07T15:46:00.001-06:00

http://www.thejohnnycashproject.com/

It's good.

2010-12-07T15:44:00.000-06:00

"It's not you, it's Me" -God

2010-11-03T15:56:00.003-06:00

Interesting to think about that cliche phrase in the opposite context we are used to. Initiating a relationship rather than a separation.

"One week-night, when I was sitting in the house of God, I was not thinking much about the preacher's sermon, for I did not believe it. The thought struck me, "How did you come to be a Christian?" I sought the Lord. "But how did you come to seek the Lord?" The truth flashed across my mind in a moment—I should not have sought Him unless there had been some previous influence in my mind to make me seek Him. I prayed, thought I, but then I asked myself, How came I to pray? I was induced to pray by reading the Scriptures. How came I to read the Scriptures? I did read them, but what led me to do so? Then, in a moment, I saw that God was at the bottom of it all, and that He was the Author of my faith, and so the whole doctrine of grace opened up to me, and from that doctrine I have not departed to this day, and I desire to make this my constant confession, "I ascribe my change wholly to God."

-C.H. Spurgeon

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
Ephesians 2:8-9

We have done nothing to deserve it, "not a result of works", nothing to retain it. Simply a God-given faith. Not even our faith has been self-conceived. I like what John Piper said in one of his sermons (paraphrase as I remember it), "You did nothing to participate in your physical, earthly birth. Conception, pregnancy, development, labor. So why would you think that your rebirth in Jesus is anything different?" Many, many people, non-Christians and Christians alike, refuse to even try to understand predestination. I believe in a God who knows all things, He created all things including the concept of past present future. He is unlimited, He does as He pleases(Psalm115, 135; Ecclesiastes), and it is His choosing as to whom He saves, to whom He grants the gift of grace and salvation through faith.

It is now my responseability to live thankfully and pray and desire for others to be given and to receive that which has been given to me. To do as I have been called to do and let God do what pleases Him, and come to find that He is good and desires what is best for me. And that makes me trust and love Him all the more, I may not completely understand the "how" or "why" of God's choosing, but I do understand that His very word tells me this is the way it is. And I cannot bring myself to do anything but submit.

"I am the Way, the Truth and the Life..." Jesus, the Word, His words are true and trustworthy and there is life to be found in them.

Philippians 2

2010-06-14T13:36:00.003-06:00

I have been thinking about family a lot today. My family, extended family, church family, my friend's families, and it occurred to me that the Bible does not tell us a whole lot about Jesus and His family. We know who His family is, we know some of the interactions between them, but there is that gap of 20 some years of Jesus growing up, maturing, and family.

It is easy to observe my family and notice the faults, because it's my family. I am sure everyone can relate to this. So many other families seeeeeem to have it together, and then you wonder what's wrong with mine? Everyone has their flavors of dysfunctional right? But we all want our family to be that family. You know, the one that has family reunions, and loves spending time together and they get along for the most part and eats meals together, and...well you get the idea. So now we are all thinking again...what's wrong with my family? And not just your immediate biological family.

Consider your church family, and think of the diversity. There are some really hokey people in the church, can I get a witness? Yeeeeah! And I think to myself, I would never talk to or spend time with this person if we did not go to the same church...but we do...brothers and sisters in Christ right? And there are people that don't get along and there is conflict and there are divorces and separations and enough sin to dam us all to hell 10 times over...and our biological family has the same flavors of dysfunctional.

I wonder how we would rate Jesus' family? I can imagine there were times when Mary and Joseph were those parents that everyone complains about how they are disillusioned to think their child can do no wrong, and you want to shake'em and say "Open your eyes! Your kid is not perfect!" and then it would occur to them, "oh yeah, their son really can do no wrong...crap" It would be sooooooo much worse with Mary and Joseph...you can't go there. There had to be some resentment in that church : ]

But the root of my thoughts comes out of a desire for my family to be more like a family. And like so many things in our short lives, I believe it has much to do with attitude. Here's a list of attitudes, and ask yourself, when I act and speak and feel this way, how does that affect my family?

Resentment
Anger
Bitterness
Annoyed
Entitlement (I deserve this)
Pride
Arrogance
Laziness
Stubbornness
Apathy

How about...
Patient
Compassion
Sacrificial
Empathetic
Servant leadership

I see it all in my family, often given and received without balance. But I wonder fundamentally how my family would function if each individual approached every day with an attitude of, "I want to be more like Jesus Christ. I want to know His words intimately, I want to know His heart deeply, deeeeeply.......and the days I don't feel like it and don't want to...I want to want Christ more."

Instead of examining the dysfunctions and trying to manage and change behavior, why don't we seek and transformed heart? A transformed heart that will transform every other part of life, that will transform our family. There are so many days I know it is easier to avoid the hard work of investing in family. I can work hard on most anything else, but it's totally different when it comes to relationships.

"Do not conform to the ways of this world(insert dysfunctions and selfish attitudes here), but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

Time is running out...

Needle in a haystack.

2010-04-10T22:28:00.002-06:00

Today I was working in the yard with my Mom and as usual I had my ipod on. Headphones in, ipod in pocket working away on ripping out some ivy/ groud cover stuff. Of course this stuff is all over the place and very green. I take a quick turn, a branch catches my headphone cord, rips my ipod out of my pocket and goes flying. It took me a minute and then realized it was gone and only knew that it was within 10 feet of where i was standing. The best part of all this is how my ipod is a shade of greed that matches beautifully with its surroundings. I like it when my clothes match, but this matching sucked. Mom and I spent a good 17 mintues looking my proverbial needle in a haystack. Not 16 and not 18, yes, 17...whatever.

All this to say I was reminded and given new perspective on the lost sheep and lost coin that Jesus speaks of in Luke 15. Of course my ipod is super nice luxery to have. But I have spent the rest of my day considering other things I value and the vigor I give to finding them. While digging for my ipod I kept thinking, "I know it's here and I am not giving up looking for it." Especially because online sermons and music from my ipod is way better to listen to than the whrrrrrrr of a vacuum cleaner, carpet cleaner or the dead silence in the church during my late work shift. Praise the Lord that I found my ipod, but I think I will be taking some more consideration of what or who is more deserving of my time and effort.

Peace.

It's about that time...

2010-03-09T18:56:00.002-06:00

Well I think it's been long enough since I last posted that nobody is reading this blog anymore. Bwahaha. Maybe a few checked up on it for a while and then realized, he may never come back. I have another blog these days and honestly I am not very good at maintaining that one either, but it's focused on my workouts with crossfit. But what caused me to come out of hiding and post again was a result of me having the time to do so and a moment of not paying attention in church this past Sunday. : ]

Jonathan was speaking about Hebrews 1 and I was off in chapter 12.

7It is for discipline that you endure; (P)God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

8But if you are without discipline, (Q)of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

9Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we (R)respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to (S)the Father of spirits, and (T)live?

10For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, (U)so that we may share His holiness.

11All discipline (V)for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the (W)peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Hebrews 12:7-11

I have never been good with discipline. Part of me despises my lack of discipline and yet it has taken till now to start moving int he right direction. The one phrase I love that sums it up..."All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Peaceful righteousness, two things I could use as a life goal. My goal is to find peace in righteousness. Security in surrendering to God, to be molded and guided and disciplined and knowing eternal joy is closer and closer with every day. Some of you have noticed that I often end my conversations and emails and messages with "peace". Some probably think, "hah what does he think he's some sort and gansta/ rappa that speaks the lingo?" nope. yeah certainly no. I honestly wish peace upon the other person. If you have spent any time in the Christian Reformed Church you may be familiar with "passing the peace", a fancy way of greeting one another, but is also comes in the benediction at the end of the service...

The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The LORD lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.

So remember, that God is a good God. He wants the best for his children, including discipline, and know that He works all things together for His glory and our good.

Peace.

Flossing teeth and reading the Bible

2009-12-10T17:34:00.004-06:00

Two things that I have been doing more of lately. I have never been a great flosser. My dental hygienist is always letting me know that my gums bleeding when she cleans them is a result of not habitually flossing. I apologize for the metal image, and I do understand that there is truth in what she is saying. A friend of mine humorously stated it this way, "Of course my gums are bleeding, you are poking them with sharp objects!" I have never been ashamed of my smile. I went through the braces faze of my life, thank you Mom and Dad. But I do notice the much more pearly white, healthy mouths of some of my friends, and so I have decided to floss more religiously. It is not that I have never flossed before, but sporadic would be more accurate as opposed to twice daily. In two days I have noticed phenomenal improvement; nough to ask those around me, "do you notice anything different?" unfortunately, no correct answers yet. : )

What on earth does this have to do with reading my Bible? Well you could also describe my reading scripture as sporadic and not twice daily. But fortunately I gained new fervor for my reading habits along with my frequent flossing miles. I have always had an appreciation for how the Bible always has new application for my life. It is neat to see the work of the Holy Spirit in that way. I also appreciate the years of AWANA that provided a strong foundation of memorized scripture. But habitual Bible reading has also shown to bring more joy to my life. I would bet that some of you may be thinking, "you are a theology major, shouldn't you be more of a Bible scholar than the average Christian." I was given many assignments in college that required critical analysis of scripture, but most of you college grads would agree that the amount of retained information from year one to year four has an tendency to blend together by graduation.

Furthermore, the Bible should always be a progressive and repetitive habit, never a quick read through. Silly. Again, I frequently enjoy the new revelation, interpretation and application of scripture given by the Holy Spirit.

All this to say that I am pleased with the results of both my renewed zeal for dental care and reading of scripture. A meticulously clean, merry mouth and a daily devotion to the Divine Word is sure to bring more smiles and joy to your Christmas season.

Observations. Yeah, cool.

2009-12-10T11:23:00.004-06:00

Sometimes it is really entertaining to just watch people. Two things I saw this morning that made me laugh.

1. An older man in a really nice, black, convertible, Chevy Corvette and cruisin' through freeway traffic...with the top down and wearing a santa hat. I believe the temperature this morning on my thermostat outside was around 15 degrees? Yeah, cool.

2. A mother hauling her aqua blue mini van at forty mph through a school zone, JUST to get her child to school because she is already 5 minutes late. Are these not the same people that flip out about the safety of our children, because of reckless driving? Yeah, cool...really cool.

Enjoy the crisp December weather everybody, and try to find some joy in the little things.

The Interview

2009-11-18T11:37:00.003-06:00

I have been hunting for a job for a while now. There have been a few interviews, nothing successful, but something I have always struggled with is feeling comfortable in interviews. Some might say, "well duh, nobody feels comfortable in interviews on either side of the process." But I am starting to realize that there is more to landing a job than a well structured resume, grammatically correct cover letter and experience. All of these being the foundation, but there is something to build on top of these.

Rapport.

When I worked for Vector Marketing selling Cutco for a summer, rapport was a huge topic. "The best way to sell the product is to build rapport with the customer." This may sound cold and I do not want anyone I sold Cutco to think I swindled them into buying the product. For two reasons...I had a hard time building rapport with people I knew never mind strangers, and I actually believe Cutco is a good product. That aside, I have yet to master the art of rapport. I feel like I can read a person's body language pretty good, but to translate that into a conversation is a challenge.

I need to make the distinction that I believe the rapport you build with a future employer and a future girlfriend are two different worlds. While you may use the same tools in each situation, said future employer might not always respond positively to flirty smiles and complements on wardrobe...especially if it is a 50 year old man. Disclaimer: I do necessarily use previously stated techniques to pick up a girlfriend. I digress.

I don't know how much TV you all watch, but there is an extremely entertaining show that me and some guys in college would watch purely because of how preposterous the idea was. Have you ever heard of "The Pick Up Artist" ? I will not go into details, but it is based on this guy that calls himself "Mystery"(See Picture above). He believes he can pick up any girl he wants and uses this competitive show to teach a group of guys to do the same with his techniques. Like I said, it was for entertainment not practical application. But the point is that much of his techniques could be considered building rapport.

This whole thought process on rapport was triggered by some articles about building rapport on a resume builder website. It mentions how the interviewer, maybe not even intentionally, will make a decision on who is offered the position based on emotions and how memorable the interviewee was and if there was a "connection". So the challenge is perfecting the art of connection. This website also suggests practicing in other contexts to refine one's ability to build rapport before going into an interview. I just might go to the library today and do some observing and approach a complete stranger to see if I have appropriately read body language and interaction with other people. Maybe the grocery store is a better idea.

Happy job hunting to all my unemployed readers!

Tear Down the Walls.

2009-11-16T18:34:00.004-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-R314tcUFw

Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this

And I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this
Fire burning deep inside my heart

Look to the skies hope arise
See His majesty revealed
More than this life there is love
There is hope and this is real

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You

Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You

Cause I don’t need to see it to believe it
I don’t need to see it to believe it
Cause I can’t shake this fire burning
Deep inside my heart

This life is Yours and hope is rising
As Your glory floods our hearts
Let love tear down these walls
That all creation would
Come back to You
It’s all for You

Your Name is glorious
Glorious
Your love is changing us
Calling us
To worship in spirit and in truth
As all creation returns to You
(x2)

Soli Deo Gloria.

2009-11-16T17:46:00.003-06:00

This Latin phrase is the proclamation of Dordt College."To God alone be the glory." It has always been something that the President would end his speeches for graduation and convocation and any other chance he had the opportunity to say it. As with anything that is repeated, it can become old and lose meaning. I never really appreciated this phrase while I attended the college, and it really is bizarre how I came to appreciate it today.

Since yesterday I have been in one of those moods, the kind where I get in this funk of feeling a little down and a little "woe is me" syndrome. I don't particularly enjoy it, and at first I was worried I was getting sick. Even as I write this I am feeling a little bit of vertigo. But I think there is something else that is contributing to my woeful feelings. I have never struggled to find things in my life that I am not pleased with. I have recently prayed that the Holy Spirit's voice be very clear to me, and specifically giving me an awareness of my sin. Simply put, guilt. It terrifies me think I could possibly become ignorant of the sin in my life and do not feel guilt for my actions! Please, no!

So today I woke up in my funk and considering the ways that I am just coasting. Watching films is one way that often convicts me and gets me to process how I am living my life. Sometimes it's inspirational and other times discouraging. But today I was listening to some music by Lecrae and I had one of those inspirational moments.

"while Im here livin man I gotta ask why
what am here fo I gotta figure out
waste my life/ no I gotta make it count
if Christ is real.
Paul said if Christ aint resurrect then we wasted our lives
well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive
everyday I'm living tryin show the world why
Christ is more than everything you'll ever try
We created for Him outta the dust he made us for Him
Elects us and he saves us for Him Jesus comes and raises for Him
Magnify the Father why bother with something lesser
he made us so we could bless Him and to the world we confess him
resurrects him so I know I got life matter fact better man I know I got Christ
if you don't' see His ways in my days and nights
you can hit my brakes you can stop my lights
man I lost my rights I lost my life
the cost is Christ
and they could never offer me anything on the planet that'll cost that price

Here are my gifts and time cause I'm constantly trying to be used to praise the Christ
If he's truly raised to life then this news should change your life
and by his grace you can put your faith in place that rules your days and nights"

Surely there are people that are thinking "rap? really? come on Joel, I thought you were more of music snob than that?" Nope. At least not for this rap. The point is that I am encouraged by the truth in these words.

My hope is that I am willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of the gospel. But words come so easy. Talk is cheap. Right? Absolutely right.

So I think the last 24 hours have been a gut check. Maybe it is the Holy Spirit maintaining my awareness of how incompetent I am. Because I know that when I acknowledge my short comings, it leads me crawling back to the cross. Jesus I have nailed you there once again,I am so wretched, I love your law for makes me aware of my need for the grace and forgiveness that you can give. Do not let me abuse what you have given to me. "what wondrous love is this, oh my soul? That cause the Lord of bliss to bear the dreadful curse for my soul." Gaaaaaaah! There is such a disconnect from my words to my actions.

The song posted on my blog right now is a Hillsong that speaks the same message. I will post the lyrics in my next post.
Stay hungry!

Magnificat by Arvo Part

2009-11-09T13:51:00.003-06:00

The piece of music that is currently playing on my blog is a choral piece that the Concert Choir from my school sang in the fall of 2008. It has been my favorite piece that we sang while I was in the choir. The following is a translation.

Text of the Magnificat: (The New Jerusalem Bible and The Vulgate)

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.
Magnificat anima mea Dominum
et exsultavit spiritus meus in Deo salutari meo.

Because he has looked upon the humiliation of his servant.
Yes, from now onwards all generations will call me blessed.
Qui respexit humilitatem ancillae suae,
ecce enim ex hoc beatam me dicent omnes generationes.

for the Almighty has done great things for me.
Holy is his name.
Quia fecit mihi magna qui potens est
et sanctum nomen eius

His faithful love extends age after age to those who fear him
et misericordia eius a progenie in progenies timentibus eum.

He has pulled down princes from their thrones
and raised high the lowly.
deposuit potentes de sede,
et exaltavit humiles.

He has filled the starving with good things
sent the rich away empty
esurientes implevit bonis
et divites dimisit inanens

He has come to the help of Israel his servant
mindful of his faithful love.
Suscepit Israel, puerum suum,
recordatus misericordiae suae.

According to the promise he made to our ancestors
of his mercy to Abraham and his descendants for ever.
sicut locutus est ad patres nostros
Abraham et semini eius in saecula.

My favorite musical part of the piece is at 4:30-4:50. Especially the chord at 4:50. How could we ever live with out Music?

Words without action...

2009-11-05T03:09:00.000-06:00

On Thursday nights I meet with a group of guys to talk about life and a chapter from the book we are reading called Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. So far the book has sparked some really good conversation and last night was no exception. The chapter was titled Husbands and Wives as Analogous to Christ and the Church we discussed the issue of obedience and our role as the church to be obedient and submissive to Christ and then asked how that is reflected in a marriage relationship. The nice part of the group is that some are married, one guy is engaged and couple of us single which gives some interesting insight from different perspectives.

It is frustrating that terms such as submission, obedience, headship and reverence all have preconceived definitions tied with them. But if we reevaluate how these are used in relationship between Jesus and the Church, they paint a beautiful picture of how God designed relationship in a relationships to work. I think domineering, abusive, power and authority are often negatively coupled with the aforementioned list. God designed male headship in a husband's household to be sacrificial. Just as Christ lived and died sacrificially for His church, in that same way God is calling man to live sacrificially for his family. If we talk about a household being submissive and respectful to the authority given to the father and husband of the household, it should be evident in all areas of life. Spiritual growth, physical needs, health, provision and as the man initiating an attitude of repentance and reconciliation in the home. The father and husband leads by example, for better or worse, the household will follow. It's all about the gospel message being lived out in the home.

Crossfit.

2009-10-26T19:04:00.003-06:00

I am not exactly sure where the name comes from, but today I went to crossfit in Kirkland. But lets start from the beginning. This past summer I was a leader at summer camp with Northshore Baptist Church. The speaker was Scott Ross, a solid guy who used to be the youth pastor at Northshore back in the day. I noticed that he had this shirt that said crossfit and started asking questions. He had blisters on his hands from all the pull ups he was doing at crossfit and had nothing bad to say about it besides "it's hard" but this followed by "it's changed my life".

Last week I went to Men's Retreat and met a guy that looked familiar and I also happened to notice that he was in really good physical condition. The week goes by and last night I saw Loren and his wife at a get together after church and somehow we got to talking about crossfit. And again "it's really hard" and "it's one of the best things for me" came up in the same sentence. Earlier this summer I had come back from camp and checked out the website and it seemed pretty cool, so when Loren asked if I wanted to come check out a workout with him today I thought "why not".

I have to say that the workout today was one of the hardest I have ever done, but the difference between today and other grueling days of football workouts was that I feel pretty good. Let me define pretty good: my stomach has been telling me that it is about to donate everything I gave it today to the surface closest to my mouth, my legs are so tired that walking resembles that of my 1 year old niece and besides the workout, talking off my shoes was one of the hardest things I did today. Huh?

BUT there is another side to pretty good: every person I met today and have talked to in the past about crossfit has testified that it has been one of the best things that has ever happened to them...ever. These life changing workouts have been compared to coming right below the life changing experiences of surrendering to Jesus Christ and getting married. Amazing. So now that it is all over I am lying on my bed still in healthy pain and hoping that there is a way that I can find a way to make it back to crossfit. I don't understand why besides the desire to lose weight and build muscle has become more desirable than the pleasure of eating good food. Speaking of good food...I drank a bottle of water and just ate 2 cloves of broccoli and both tasted sweet after this workout. Crazy.

But there is another side of this experience that has piqued my interest, but that is for the next post.

Blessings.
http://www.kirklandcrossfit.com/

Ephesians 5:1-20

2009-10-14T16:12:00.002-06:00

Walk in Love

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous that is, an idolater, has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7Therefore do not become partners with them; 8for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, 10and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

"Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18And do not get drunk with wine, for that is(AL) debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Thought for today.

2009-10-14T16:02:00.003-06:00

Why is it that music artists of all backgrounds, of all genres of music all walks of life tend to play/ perform music in the same way. Maybe some are more expressive than others, but if you were to silence the music and just observe...I don't think there would be much difference.

I write this keeping in mind the way we worship. We meaning anyone. It's like that saying that "we are always worshiping, it's just a matter of who or what.

So you tell me why band pictured is playing their music.

Words without action...

2009-10-09T10:46:00.004-06:00

Glen Hansard - Lies Lyrics

2009-09-29T00:03:00.001-06:00

I think it's time, we give it up
And figure out what's stopping us
From breathing easy, and talking straight
The way is clear if you're ready now
The volunteer is slowing down
And taking time to save himself

The little cracks they escalated
And before we knew it was too late
For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you slowed down for me
I could see you're only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies
When will you learn

The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies

You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you'd slowed down for me
I could see you're only telling
Lies, lies, lies
Breaking us down with your
Lies, lies, lies
When will you learn

So plant the thought and watch it grow
Wind it up and let it go

What's up?

2009-09-09T11:41:00.002-06:00

Right now I am in transition. I am finishing up one last course for my degree and living at home. My 15 hour, very part time job at the church just finished up a week ago and now I am hunting. Hunting for a full time job that is. I just applied to the hospital for a custodian position. I also applied to a job at the Woodland park zoo for security. Both would pay more than enough to live off of. Today I talked to a guy that is the youth pastor at Canyon Hills Community Church. He seems like a nice guy. He dropped the hint that they might be looking for another guy to work in youth ministry, but still need to work out what that looks like.

So who knows what is down the road. Hopefully full time work and not living with the parents, but we shall see.

Change.

2009-09-08T16:34:00.002-06:00

"The key to change...is to let go of fear."

"There is nothing wrong with change if it is in the right direction."

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender who you are for what you could become."

"Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

"The key to success is often the ability to adapt."

So why all the talk about change? I believe that to lack the willingness to change is a sign of selfish ambition that will only stunt the potential for God's work in my life. It's kind of a big deal. If I become so set in my ways that the thought of change stirs anger and resistance, then I don't find that I am allowing God's shaping and molding to occur in my life.

How much of the Christian life requires risk or maybe...Faith? How many examples of self-sacrifice, often giving up personal, self-serving desires, for the the sake of the gospel?

Thirsty for pure water.

2009-08-13T01:09:00.004-06:00

The water that I drank while at school was the kind that people would joke about chewing instead of drinking. It was so full of minerals and other stuff that it tasted like everything but water...salty, chlorinated and filled with enough other stuff to boost the level my immune system was working at.

So now that I am back home the water that comes out of my hose tends to be more thirst quenching and pleasing than the water from school...never mind the deliciousness that comes from the tap or the fridge. But what was interesting to me was how anyone that grew up in the mid-west was so used to the "heavy water" that they liked it and thought that it was just the way water tasted. My point in all of this is to point out how my relationship with Christ and what I think is true for many Christ followers is the ignorance that they fully know what living water tastes like. Habitual sin, sin that we are addicted to, sin that is so deeply rooted in our lives it has become common and behavior that is unrepentant...these are the things that make the water heavy. So while we pledge allegiance to Jesus Christ and we have an idea of what living water tastes like, we do not fully understand what pure and holy and righteous, thirst quenching, delicious water really tastes like because of the habitually sin in our lives that is tainting the water. And like my mid-west friends assume, we assume that is what living water is like.

True living water leaves us to never thirst again. It gives us life!(duh) But it is not until we completely hand over our arrogance and pride to Christ that He may have complete control, do we become aware of how the water can be purified as Christ purifies our lives. That we can be made holy and righteous before God by His cleansing.

I am starting to taste purer water these days, and I am become more aware of the voice of the Holy Spirit. My spirit is being more noticeably concerned with the Holy Spirit is leading me to. It is that kind of light bulb moment that now I am aware, but along with this awareness comes the guilt of know what I have been ignorant to...my awareness has peaked at this realization of how wrong I have been to think I was on track, and to be cleansed is humbling to notice how detrimental the sin has been and yet thinking all the while that a severe problem did not even exist.

So how does your water taste?

Proverbs 3

2009-08-09T08:16:00.003-06:00

My son, do not forget my teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;
2 For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.
3 Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 So you will find favor and good repute
In the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.
9 Honor the LORD from your wealth
And from the first of all your produce;
10 So your barns will be filled with plenty
And your vats will overflow with new wine.
11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD
Or loathe His reproof,
12 For whom the LORD loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.
13 How blessed is the man who finds wisdom
And the man who gains understanding.
14 For her profit is better than the profit of silver
And her gain better than fine gold.
15 She is more precious than jewels;
And nothing you desire compares with her.
16 Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
17 Her ways are pleasant ways
And all her paths are peace.
18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who hold her fast.
19 The LORD by wisdom founded the earth,
By understanding He established the heavens.
20 By His knowledge the deeps were broken up
And the skies drip with dew.
21 My son, let them not vanish from your sight;
Keep sound wisdom and discretion,
22 So they will be life to your soul
And adornment to your neck.
23 Then you will walk in your way securely
And your foot will not stumble.
24 When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
25 Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
26 For the LORD will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught.
27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
When it is in your power to do it.
28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back,
And tomorrow I will give it,”
When you have it with you.
29 Do not devise harm against your neighbor,
While he lives securely beside you.
30 Do not contend with a man without cause,
If he has done you no harm.
31 Do not envy a man of violence
And do not choose any of his ways.
32 For the devious are an abomination to the LORD;
But He is intimate with the upright.
33 The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked,
But He blesses the dwelling of the righteous.
34 Though He scoffs at the scoffers,
Yet He gives grace to the afflicted.
35 The wise will inherit honor,
But fools display dishonor.

I thought this was appropriate for the state of our union these days. Maybe we need to be more closely trusting in what God's Word is telling us. Or do we not trust Him?

2009-08-04T11:58:00.003-06:00

Did it ever occur to you that when you look into the mirror, it is not as you truly to others but the exact opposite? So that my perception of my physical self is backwards; that eye that is closed a little more than the other, the direction of the part in my hair and the way it lies, which side of my mouth curls up more when I smile and which ear has that little freckle that looks like a piercing.

Or I could assume that everyone else has a backwards perception to who and what I truly am. I have thought often that nobody really understands who I am, the good and the bad, for they know not my thoughts. Believe me, my blog posts do not scratch the surface of the deep wonder of my mind.

"True genius does not feel the need to pompously reveal itself, but rather is content with the knowledge of how it is transforming the world in which it dwells."

That was an original proverb by me. Crap. I just demolished the mystery of my genius and have lost it in doing so, if I were to believe in the proverb I just created. I should create a pen name to disguise my intellect once more.

O, the deep deep love of Jesus

2009-08-04T11:57:00.000-06:00

1. O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me,
Is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Thy glorious rest above!

2. O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth,
Changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones,
Died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth,
Watcheth o’er them from the throne!

3. O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
’Tis a haven sweet of rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus,
’Tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
For it lifts me up to Thee!

What happens to my college degree when I die?

2009-07-27T22:08:00.000-06:00

Hope, purpose and a pleasure driven society.

2009-07-08T12:41:00.004-06:00

I would like to make a disclaimer thatt in my writing blog posts I have no desire and no intention of being grammatically correct. You will read run on sentences and you will see words mis-spelled and incorrect punctuation. Oh well.

Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man.
-Nietzsche

If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.
-MLK Jr.

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
-Thomas Fuller.

Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
-Helen Keller

I'm doing what I think I was put on this earth to do. And I'm really grateful to have something that I'm passionate about and that I think is profoundly important.
-Marian Wright Edelman

Everything--a horse, a vine--is created for some duty...For what task, then, were you yourself created? A man's true delight is to do the things he was made for.
-Marcus Aurelius

Say to yourself, ‘I’m here on purpose, I can accomplish anything I desire, and I do it by being in harmony with the all-pervading creative force in the universe.
-Wayne Dyer

Well there is certainly a variety of quotes you can find through the google search bar. Of course not all I agree with, but hope and purpose have been on my mind. Last night I was watching the news going over the immensity of Michael Jackson's memorial service. And then I saw a plug for a commemorative episode of Pitch Men for Billy Mayes, and I listened to some of the clips from celebrities and how they miss MJ. One that caught my ear in particular was Brooke Shields stating that "we must all be encouraged and happy to remember that Michael is up there sitting on his own crescent moon looking down on all of us." If you were not aware, Michael Jackson professed to be Jehovah's Witness. There were other short interviews of MJ fans that pointed out how wonderful MJ was and the greatness of his accomplishments. And then one man pointed out that it seems that the death of a person causes us to push aside all the controversy and the ridicule and the mistakes that someone dealt with in their life. He was right. Michael Jackson was a really weird guy with some great musical talent and he had a skin disease and problems with drugs and plastic surgery and perverted relations with children and all this stuff that is all tossed out the window when a the man dies. But this post is not about Michael Jackson.

After all the drama of celebrity deaths and the reaction of the worshipers of these people. Because it really is worship when you see 60,000 people at a concert that look more "slain in the spirit" of Michael Jackson than anything else. But it makes me wonder.

---How can anybody live without hope and purpose?"---

As a Christian, my hope is in Jesus Christ, but this hope is based on the realization that what Jesus Christ as done for me is significant. I would think that most people believe in right and wrong, but maybe the concept of sin is a little more vague. So Jesus died for my sins. Why did he even need to? It is sad to see mourners place their hope in lies. It is sad when Brooke Shields finds what seems to be hope and peace in the death of MJ because his religious beliefs told him he would be okay. But this same religion denies the very deity of Jesus Christ! And it occurred to me...of the many people in this world that do not know of the one true God and his Son Jesus Christ, or those that deny he exists, or those that deliberately ignore him...the only way of coping with life is to fulfill our lives with enough distractions to help us forget about purpose and life after death and our beliefs all together.

All kinds of distractions, anything that works! Anything that will prevent me from having time by myself when my mind and thoughts catch up to me and there is nothing to do but consider the meaning of life and the complexity of the world and everything in it and the realization that there is some sort of purpose to what we call "life". But what does it mean to REALLY LIVE?!?!? What fear would come over me! The kinds of knots that would tie up my guts! And to think that there are so many lies that try and suck us in. Lies that seem to have their own personality and attraction.

"Believe me! I will give you hope and purpose and you can be your own god while your at it."
"Believe me! There is no purpose accept to fulfill your own desires. Feed your own desires!."
"Believe me! I will make you FEEL! Make you feel good. Your senses with go wild, and you don't have to obey anyone or anthing but yourself."
"WORSHIP THIS, BUY THIS, TASTE THIS, SEE THIS, HEAR THIS, FEEL THIS, SMELL THIS! Stimulate your senses!"

Do we not live in a world that is enslaved to PLEASURE! And we flippantly throw hope around without meaning. I hope my car starts. I hope I don't have to work tomorrow. I hope they have the flavor I like. I hope they don't come over here...they are socially awkward.

The sin in my life sucks me into a life of pleasure. But as a Christian I think I am still driven by pleasure. But it is giving a new perspective to how we define pleasure.
Pleasure as most would define it is something that fulfills my desires, my selfish desires. Something or someone that pleases me. But because I follow Christ it is Him that I want to please. It is His desires that I want to fulfill. But this brings me back to why my hope is in Jesus Christ. My desire to please God is in response to my realization that there is phenomenal significance to the sacrifice that Jesus Christ has given to me. It is the realization that And this is the essence of being a Christian...to live a life of service and obedience to Jesus Christ, to please Him because we know that the Triune God is for our good.

Romans 5:6-8
For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.

I find purpose and hope in a God that created me with gifts and passions that I can use to worship and bring pleasure to Him. And it is because this being what I was created for that I in return am pleased to do so. When we are fulfilling the purpose God created us for, we can be filled with joy and we are filled with new life. But it is not my life that I live, rather it is Jesus Christ who lives in and through me. Because my old, sinful self died with Him on the cross and it is through His resurrection that I have the promise of eternal life and the joy of fulfilling my purpose forever with God. It is s beautiful relationship and I am full of hope.

A desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment. Faith.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Relationship respect.

2009-06-17T12:53:00.002-06:00

On Monday I was at church doing some stuff for my internship. I hate that title. If I graduated from college, feel like my job title should carry a little more respect. But while I was at church I ran into my old young adults pastor from the past few years. He sometimes reads my blogs, but I won't let that influence my thought process. I realized that there is this list of people in my life that I hold high respect for. It is the kind of person that when I talk to them I almost fumble my words through the conversation because of my respect for the person. I think Chris would fall into this category. It was really nice to see him again.

Some other people that fall into the category are the former senior pastor of Northshore, Jan Hettinga. He is a good shepherd. I suppose there are multiple pastors that might fall into the "respected good shepherd" category. There are many that are on my mental list of people I really respect, but this is a special category, and fumbling words is not the only indicator. So my encouragement to all my readers is to find those people in your life that you highly respect and ask some questions. What qualities do you appreciate and why are they so attractive.

Something I would like to tag onto this post is a census. If you are a frequent reader then it would be nice to know who you are. I know of a few, but I suppose there are others. Post a comment saying "present" or something.

Cheers!(Josh)

Place preferred title here. I figure I should not have to catch your attention with a snazzy title.

2009-06-16T11:01:00.004-06:00

Well I think it's about time I change the music. Don't you think. I think. I have noticed that my appreciation for the songs I have posted are declining. I have made an interesting observation in looking at pictures of friends that have been in Europe. In addition to person experience, I have noticed that slowly but surely the fad of the mullet is working its way back into society. You know, Business in the front, party int he back. Yeah.Oh dear.

I do not plan on participating in the fun anytime soon.

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, you will notice that there are a few more links to the side--------------------->
stuffchrsitanslike is a blog written by a Christian who makes observations about the church and the ironies of Christian behavior. And the other is a blog that I found by searching "popular blogs" in my google search bar. "thehomelessguy" is just what you might expect...a homeless guy. His plug for the blog is as follows, "I am chronically homeless, having experienced several episodes of homelessness since the age of 21 - spending about half my adult life on the streets. On this blog I write about my experiences, and my opinions and knowledge of homeless life." (I do not take responsibility for any content in my links that you might find offensive.)

Some other observation I have been making recently may only apply to those who understand the phenomenon that is facebook. There were a couple times this past semester, my last semester(hmm), that I almost deleted my facebook. It tends to be time consuming, and there is a twitch in my conscience that tells me how facebook is typically misused. Or maybe it is being used as intended by the creators, but are those intentions that christ followers should be participating. I am speaking of our definition of gossip and slander. Maybe it is also important to consider how God views voyeurism. Some might suggest that God is the ultimate voyeur, but don't you think he is allowed to. There is nothing private about our lives when it comes to God. Although the story of the garden of Eden comes to mind when God calls out to Adam, "Where are you? What have you done?" Don't you think he already knows. Interesting approach.

But back to facebook. The issue for me is that I know how I use facebook. I cannot suggest that I know how others use facebook, but I would like to think that I am not the only one who scans through pictures and the status of "friends" just to get a peek of what interesting things are going on. It reminds me of the neighbor that some of you might have, that stereotypical old lady that sits in her front window and knits while keeping a watchful eye on the neighbor hood to see what her neighbors are up to and imagine what is going on in each house and juicy details of what could be happening. Oh my, the jones' are getting a new refrigerator today. I wonder why? And who knows where the imagination may lead. Is it possible that facebook has become our modern day device to be that nosy neighbor? And what a convenience that you can slide through all parts of the website undetected.

There is one more thing about facebook that puzzles me. There is the issue of "friends". I put this in quotations earlier as well, but for a reason. Think about your definition of friends and now think about of the 500 friends you have(on average) are persons that you see on a weekly basis. Furthermore, when you see them is it a comfortable ineraction? When they pop up on facebook chat, how eager are you to chatter and lol your way into a completely non-audible conversation?

Yesterday I went to Costco for lunch, and while waiting in line I saw a guy in some stained painters clothes with long hair and some scruff on the face. It was not until I paid closer attention that I realized that it was a guy I went to high school with. he was only in the grade above me. So I knew who he was and I guarantee he would recognize me as well. We were in track and field together for a couple years and he had previously dated a friend that I had grown up with. There were certainly enough connections that if we made eye contact that we would acknowledge the other with a head nod. But any sort of conversation would be fairly worthless. What would there be to talk about? "Uhhhh, so remember that one time in high school? It was like 6 years ago.(while thinking that I have not talked to the guy at all in the that 6 years) How many "friends" fall in to a similar category, but we continue to keep as friends because it is a least interesting to see what they are doing with there lives? Is it any of our business? And shouldn't we really be concerned about how much time we are taking/wasting to be in the loop on facebook? I have found myself spending longer sessions on facebook than the amount of time it has taken me to think through and write this post.

Well, just a few things to think about. I think I will go check and see if there are any new pictures on facebook to click through. Wait, one more thought. What about the other side of the relationship? Why do we post pictures and update our status? I think it is a burning desire that every one of us has to be accepted, known and to be given attention. OOOO, someone just commented on my status and the pictures I posted yesterday! Gotta go!

Choir Tour

2009-06-03T15:37:00.003-06:00

This is a link to a bunch of videos from our choir tour in the Netherlands. Any of the videos with a mass of bluish shirts is from tour. Enjoy!

www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=903CA27F34334347

Quick Update

2009-05-14T15:55:00.002-06:00

Right now it is almost 12am here in Gouda. we are staying with host families and the family that I am staying is letting me use their computer to write this. We have only been here for a couple days and things are flying by. we had a full day of touring and traveling around amsterdam yesterday, and today we had 2 concerts in 2 cities.(Gouda and Dordrecht) Both went very well, but I am tired from how packed our days have been and it is not going to slow down. Tomorrow we go on to Delft, which is where the famous "Delft Blue" is made.

I am going to head to bed, but just one more thing. the first place we visited yesterday was the largest international flower auction in the world. it is quite the operation. There are millions of flower on tons of carts that are all in the most massive wherehouse I have ever been in. Mom, you would have loved it. More flowers than you can imagine. I would post pictures but that requires me to save them to the computer and it is not mine. But I cannot read the Dutch to save it in the first place either.

Weltrusten...(goodnight)

"Profound, enticing title followed by thoughtful , concerning and then hopeful blog post."

2009-05-06T10:21:00.002-06:00

That's the way all blog posts are supposed to go...

Right?

No.

I am drowning in expectations, and it all has to do with Dordt. Grrrr. This post will fall into the category of venting, frustration, complainging and "everything kinda sucks and won't get better until it's all over".

I am not done with exams, I have a 10 page, 4 page, 2 page (x4) and a 1 page(in spanish) paper(s) due in the next day. I have a list of people that I am avoiding because they are somehow related to reminding me of the pile of things to accomplish, when my own thoughts cannot think about anything else anyway. I have yet to start packing. Then I am torn each night when I have friends ask if I want to hang out, go get dinner and some drinks or whatever, and then have to regretfully decline because of the work I am barried in. But then of course I go work on the papers and the studying and cannot help but mourn that fact that I want to be with my friends so badly.

I will ALWAYS value people over work! But survival instinct is preventing me from committing scholastic suicide. Talk about the most bittersweet week of my life thus far.

When conversations tend to end in
"so when will I see you gain?"
"I don't know" (thinking maybe never)
When it takes 30-40 minutes to fall asleep because the brain cannot be distracted from the list of responsibilities long enough to recharge.
When the goal of exams is to just finish and never mind the point of learning and retaining what has been learned because I value/ enjoy the material.
When my school comes to me with a promisary note to fill out so they can ring out my bank account for the next 10 years and make sure I don't flee the country/debt.(almost make me feel like a fugitive)
When the list of responsibilities and expectaions has precident on the sabbath and everything is crammed into one last week of "you better hope you can get it all done, or you fail the last four years of life"

I tend to thing..."something is wrong here. This is not the way it's supposed to be. How can we/ do we justify this? This is so wrong. This is not serving the purpose of our goals."

And I will leave it there. No resolve, no solution and suspended from a relaxed ending.

Choir is still so good.

2009-04-30T11:20:00.001-06:00

Note: if you do not want to listen to the music playing on my blog you can scroll down to the bottom and press pause. Silence is good too.

Susan Boyle is a new hero of mine.

2009-04-14T21:45:00.002-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I don't know what to say besides the fact that I watched this video 3 times in a row and I teared up and got goose bumps every time.

"When life has killed a dream I dream."

Hugs: the wonder drug

2009-04-13T01:16:00.003-06:00

This is something I posted about a year ago while I was in the Netherlands. I got it from a friend who was given this by her grandmother who is the orginal author.

Have you ever wondered how effective hugs are?
You rarely give a hug that is not appreciated, or receive one that does not make your day a little brighter.
Can you think of any medication that has such pleasant side effects?

Hugs are good for you. They're not fattening and they don't cause cancer or give you cavitiies. They're
all-natural, contain no perservatives, artificial sweeteners or other chemical additives.

Hugs are cholesterol-free and contain 100% of the recommended daily allowance of hope and happiness. They are a completely renewable source of energy and they're available without a prescription.
Hugs don't require any special instructions. They don't need batteries, tune ups or x-rays.
They're non-taxable fully returnable and energy efficient.
They can be safely used in all kinds of weather: as a matter of fact, they work especially well during cold or rainy days. They are particaulrly effective in treating everyday probablems like stress, worry, anger, frustration, sadness or sorrow, and even the occasional nightmare. The best thing about hugs is you can use them without special training or prior experience. But a word of caution for those of you trying it for the first time. You should never wait until tomorrow to hug someone who needs it today. Once you realize how good it feels, you'll want to do it all over again tomorrow! Yes.... hugs are extremely addictive!

All in the same night.

2009-04-06T09:31:00.003-06:00

These are just a few pictures that I took a little while back. We had some amazing sunsets, one crazy thunder storm and I am pretty sure all the pictures above I took on the same day. The weather can be a blessing and a curse when it comes to living in Iowa. And yes I actually did take that picture of the lighting. I was quite proud of myself.

Choir Pictures

2009-04-06T09:14:00.006-06:00

Every day in choir we take the first few minutes to do warm ups and occasionally lemon and tiger faces are incorporated to stretch and warm up the face. No joke, it helps, but then when we took pictures of the choir we add a few extra poses.

By the way, you can click on the pictures to make them bigger, which I highly suggest to fully appreciate the photos.

Carmina Burana

2009-04-05T12:24:00.004-06:00

Last night was the performance for Carmina Barina. I think most of you would recognize the piece. We were inivted as a choir to sing with 5 other choirs and the Sioux City Symphony Orchestra to perform. The practices were time consuming and tiring to say the least, but last nights performance was worth it. The soloists blewe my mind, and the Orphium Theater that we sang in was magnificent. The picture above is of our practice on Friday. If you are wondering...I am in the top right side wearing a blue shirt, about 3 guys over at the top. Below is a link to a recording of Carmina Burana for your listening pleasure...I personally like one the one second from the bottom the best.

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#Carmina%20Burana

Music is Healing

2009-03-27T11:14:00.006-06:00

It was not even a good idea at the time.

2009-03-05T14:38:00.001-06:00

"I believe we need to give young people the freedom to fail. We need to give them space to explore - to try different things - and totally bomb. Maybe we need to start celebrating certain failures... giving them credit for having the guts to go for it instead of just playing it safe. Look, I realize there are limits. We need to have dreams for our kids and our students. But we also need to encourage them to do what they want to do... free from the burden of our expectations.
So here's to getting knocked on our cans... getting back up, shaking off the dust - and getting back in the game."

These are some interesting thoughts from one of my theology professors.

O May I Join the Choir Invisible by George Eliot

2009-03-05T14:15:00.004-06:00

O may I join the choir invisible
Of those immortal dead who live again
In minds made better by their presence: live
In pulses stirred to generosity,
In deeds of daring rectitude, in scorn
For miserable aims that end with self,
In thoughts sublime that pierce the night like stars,
And with their mild persistence urge man's search
To vaster issues.

So to live is heaven:
To make undying music in the world,
Breathing as beauteous order that controls
With growing sway that growing life of man.
So we inherit that sweet purity
For which we struggled, failed, and agonized
Rebellious flesh that would not be subdued,
A vicious parent shaming still its child
Poor anxious penitence, is quick dissolved;
Its discords, quenched by meeting harmonies,
Die in the large and charitable air.
And all our rarer, better, truer self,
that sobbed religiously in yearning song,
That watched to ease the burthen of the world,
Laborously tracing what must be,
And what may yet be better--saw within
A worthier image for the sanctuary,
And shaped it forth before the multitude
Divinely human, raising worship so
To higher reverance more mixed with love--
That better self shall live till human Time
Shall fold its eyelids, and the human sky
Be gathered like a scroll within the tomb
Unread for ever.

This is life to come,
Which martyred men have made more glorious
For us who stive to follow. may I reach
That purest heacen, to be other souls
The cup of strength in some great agony,
Enkindle generous ardor, feed pure love,
Beget the smiles that have no cruelty--
Be the sweet presence of a good diffused,
And in diffusion ever more intense.
So shall I join the choir invisible
Whose music is the gladness of the world.

Yeah I heard about it.

2009-02-10T12:21:00.002-06:00

A couple nights ago I was reading some homework on a computer in the basement lab. A girl came in and started with a friend about someone she knew from high school that had just committed suicide earlier that day.

When I was younger I remember talking with a neighbor kid about the house down the street where a young guy had shot himself. "The picture of the EMTs rolling out his body on a stretcher is still so vivid."

I knew someone in high school that often spoke of his frustrations...parents, school, bitters words, words armed with pain and hurt, spoken to him from friends, family strangers. He mentioned thoughts of suicide. I could not stop thinking about his circumstance for months. Could I have spoken those words? Was it my actions that cut him so deeply? What if it was I that was the last drop in the cup to make it overflow? The breaking point.

There are others as well I have heard of...that we know of...similar feelings, similart circumstances, lack of hope or hope lost, those who we unknowingly have those same thoughts.

Sobering.

Psalms
39:7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.
43:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
71:5 For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.
116: Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.
24:14 Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Romans
5:2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
5:5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
8:24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?

I CORINTHIANS
13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I find it interesting that the greatest of these is love, significant. Should we not believe that if we express love and share love with eachother that it will foster faith and hope as well? And then this question is answered in Colossians.

COLOSSIANS
1:5 the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel
23: if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

EPHESIANS
1:18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.

HEBREWS
3:6 But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.
6:11 We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure.

I PETER
1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
13: Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
21: Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

3:15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

Suicide Causes(www.suicide.org)
by Kevin Caruso

Over 90 percent of people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death.
And the most common mental illness is depression.
Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide

Depression and hopelessness. What influence do we have on these things. I have often considered how terrifying it would be to not believe in anything. No God, nothing after death, no purpose. How could I live with out purpose?

How can my faith not convict me? How could I let myself be silent? If I believe this to be true, we must speak the truth!

Isaiah 43

Let all the nations gather together, let the peoples assemble! Who among them could have revealed this, or foretold to us the earlier things? Let them produce witnesses to prove themselves right, that one may hear and say, "It is true!"
You are my witnesses, says the LORD, my servants whom I have chosen To know and believe in me and understand that it is I. Before me no god was formed, and after me there shall be none.
It is I, I the LORD; there is no savior but me.
It is I who foretold, I who saved; I made it known, not any strange god among you; You are my witnesses, says the LORD. I am God,
yes, from eternity I am He; There is none who can deliver from my hand: who can countermand what I do?

In one of my courses we recently discussed the word Martyr...it literally means witness. I beg of you. Be a witness. Give your account of the work of Christ. Your witness is the truth that plants hope in a person's life. Do not allow assumptions of what people want to hear hinder you from speaking the truth that people need to hear. "You will be my witnesses to the ends of the earth." Acts1:8 So how did you hear about it? Let your convitions be evident.

"There is no love left in this heart."

2009-01-24T12:02:00.003-06:00

Don't forget that valentines day is approaching, and this holiday is not just for those in a "special" relationship. Or maybe we can broaden the definition of a speacial relationship to anyone you might have high appreciation for.

I just love these drawings.

"and everything was alright"

2009-01-24T11:55:00.003-06:00

Quick note to start off. I posted a couple drafts from last semester that I never got around to publishing, but they are listed in order of date so you might have to scroll down to view them.

Now about that picture. Ever have that feeling like there is one person that drives you up a wall, and if some big claw would just come down and take them away everyone would be a little better off? Yeah I have one of those people, and I thought the picture illustrated this feeling appropriately.

Again these drawings I post are from explodingdog.com and the artist creates drawings based on titles submitted by whoever. Enjoyable I think.

Tootaloo.

God is good.

2008-12-14T18:42:00.002-06:00

http://search.playlist.com/tracks/meeting%20laura <--(just click play)

http://search.playlist.com/tracks/Arvo%20Part <--(click on the Magnificat)

This is one reason why I think music and the human voice is absolutely amazing!
The Concert Choir I am in sang the second piece by Arvo Part for our Christmas Concert this past weekend... so good.

Sensory memory...

2008-12-03T13:23:00.004-06:00

Today it has occurred to me that I love memory. There are many things that I love...family, friends, music, good eats, etc, but something that combines them all is memory. At least in past tense that is. Today have been listening to music that I heard a fair amount of while in the Netherlands, and I was just flooded with memories. I love that! I was telling a friend today how there is this one women's purfume that I think Mom used to wear when I was young and every time I get a whiff I think of being really young again. It is so good to be able to remember, and we need to really consider how much of our lives are dependent on our being able to remember.

Recently I found out of some people with memory loss due to horrible car accidents or from alsheimers disease...how sad! And I know this does not compare to those situations, but my laptop computer just lost its ability to remember that it has a hard drive. Memory is critical!

So here is the challenge for this Christmas season that is apon us...go listen to those great tunes of old that bring you back to the good old days, make that favorite dish that you always had growing up, take a whiff of those sensational smells.

Above all, realize that we are priviledged to remember so much. Remember who you are and who Christ is and who he has come to save. Remember that God delights in you, and when you enjoy the beautiful things he has created God delights in our enjoyment too.

God is good...despite final exams, crummy weather, nagging professors, depressing Iowa winters and the disappointments of daily life. Emmanuel.

Another post of the past semester, and didn't publish.

2008-11-28T15:34:00.003-06:00

Something I miss about back home is the lack of wind. Something I have quoted for a long while now is that "you might not realize how much you love something until it's gone". Well the lack of wind is gone...as in there is now too much of it now in the form of lip chapping, skin cracking, body shivering, can't wait to get inside kind of wind.

The cartoon above is one of many created by an artist that a friend of mine introduced me to. His name is Sam and he draws cartoons based on titles that people email him. He has a web site of them called explodingdog.com and no I do not understand the title either, but I enjoy his work.

3 weeks to go until Christmas break. That feels good.

2008-11-10T10:21:00.002-06:00

I wish I was here right now. Where is here you ask? Somewhere in Croatia. It looks completely care free to me.

A week ago northwest Iowa was blessed with some glorius 75 degree warm weather, and then somehow by Thursday a storm had rolled in and now it is 20 degress with an inch of icy snow, cloudy and predicted sleet. Yeah...about that... oh and yours truly could not help but take his first spill on ice within the first 24hrs of winter. It was about as graceful as flailing arms and flying legs can get. So now my hip is a daily reminder of how much I despise winter in the midwest.

In other news, this weekend one of my friends that graduated last year visited us. He was my RA sophamore year and has always been willing to give a listening ear. Tim Kooiman is one of my heros, but that probably does not mean much seeing as most of my faithful readers have never met the guy. He took me and a couple guys out for pizza on Saturday night...reminiscing and fun was had by all. I think I have finally made my mind up about choral music education. For those of you just tuning in, I was considering for about a month if I should come back to Dordt for a couple years to pick up a second degegree in previously stated area of studies. But now I think I will not. Although I am fairly sure that I will be returning for an extra semester next fall to tie up loose ends. Frustrating. I am not sure if I have previously blogged about other options for post graduation activities, but at this point I now have to consider how this extra semester is going to play into that. I have discussed with my friend Elijah about the option of teaching ESL in South Korea for a year, but now my plan for that would be set off by a year until 2010.

Here is the link to what I have been looking at...

http://www.teachabroad.com/listingsp3.cfm/listing/29333

I am not sure if this will be the exact organization I intend to work with. There are some others with the option of other countries, including China and Czech Republic, which have an underlying emphasis on spreading the gospel. The oportunity of missions is appealing. Yeah, so how is that for risky? Teaching ESL in a closed country like China with alternative motives of sharing the gospel along side of English. Crazy! As in crazy awesome! But I think South Korea is still the first choice of destination. So here comes the plug...

If any of you are looking for a way to earn good money ($1800-3000 a month), have an amazing cross cultural experience and be able to share your faith all at the same time than I suggest you look into a program such as this. Not everything will pay that well, but the one Elijah has talked to me about does offer this income as well as housing. Oh, and of course it would be that much more amazing if I could do this with someone I know.

Well that is about it for now...I have some a Spanish Lab to attend to.

Peace!

2008-11-03T11:50:00.001-06:00

I am surviving. Life is hard, but I will make it. More to come, but too much to do right now. Please keep praying for me...wisdom, preseverance, encouragement.

Love you all.

Something I wrote last semester that somehow didn't make it to the Publish button.

2008-10-28T09:54:00.003-06:00

...right, but at this point I am more worried about the future than the past. Today I going to meet with my theology advisor to walk through my options for the next couple years. Do I finish out my theology program and move on to something else, or do I extend my stay in norhtwest iowa for a degree in choral music education. I was talking to a frined last night about these ramblings that bounce around in my head. I realized that despite the stress of making critical decisions, there is a part of me that is excited at the thought of so many options to consider. A blessing and a curse I suppose.

Today in my missions and evangelism course we had a guest speaker for the last little bit of class. She presented on the option of going to China for 5 weeks to teach english. Crazy, but still piqued my interest...graduate, go on choir tour to Holland for a couple weeks and then maybe teach english in China for a bit. I LOVE traveling! It is a delicious experience to travel out side the states.

So now the options are as follows...

1. graduate with a theology degree...find a job...become independant...the norm
2. graduate, but then come back for a couple years to get a degree in choral music education.
3. drop out...(hey it is an option, but unlikely)...then who knows what.
4. graduate (theology)... go teach english somewhere international...china, Korea,etc.

This is all within the parenthesis of money of course...

"Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and youre okay.
Money, its a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash."

I think Pink Floyd forgot to write a verse about debt when they plucked this one out.

doo bee doo bee doo....what else?

Here we go again...

2008-10-15T21:21:00.003-06:00

"All in God's timing."

Every year I have been in college I have had a bi-annual conversation with myself. I give a peek into what I am thinking if someone asks and honestly I appreciate when someone shows interest to give their take on the situation. But what is that situation you ask? Note: I have always struggled to justify debt. I am not a big money fan in general. So this inner monologue that I speak of, this pondering and wrestling I confront?

I am Lord willing going to graduate in 1.5 semesters with a degree in Theology(youth ministry). When I switched my major beginning of 2nd year I was excited about youth ministry, I content with my direction. But for all the worth of being in college and with the hopes of a degree I am still frustrated with the cost. But this is what makes this next bit so puzzling...

Should I change my major? Almost laughable at this point I know. I was bouncing some ideas off of a friend earlier tonight and suggested that maybe I am just not content with what I have chosen. What if I stuck with music, would I now be considering changing to theology because I was no longer drawn to music? Is it an issue of contentment or maybe it is a subconscious way of thinking that I don't really want to look for a job and be completely independent within a year. I do really like the in between stage I have been in for 3 almost 4 years.

The question is this...do I wrap up my work as a theology major and graduate and then on to who knows what in "reality"? Or do I double dip by working and studying full time? Or do I dare stick around and pursue a second degree?

If cost were not an issue, I would stay right here and learn choral music education here at Dordt. Why? I have complained of Iowa for all these years and I miss home. Why not just study choral music education back in the Seattle area? Maybe I really do love the music department here THAT much. Whoa! But of course cost is an issue. In some ways I have missed my chance.

The person I mentioned earlier had some profound nuggets...
1. pray about it, what does God have to say about this? (what a crazy idea)
2. is it worth being happy with your career once you are finished? (hmmm--> this is where that idea of contentment came into play)
3. what else factors in besides finances? would it be a waste of time?

It is almost as if I have gone through college once...I now know how it's done and maybe the second time around I will get it right.

Please pray for me, I need some divine wisdom here people.

"All in God's timing"

Mom, Dad, Gwen, Eric, Vanessa and Jane

2008-10-12T12:06:00.001-06:00

I love you all, and I am glad you are my family.

"Ponder anew what the Almighty can do"

2008-10-09T08:41:00.001-06:00

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty
The King of creation
O my soul, praise Him
For He is thy health and salvation
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near
Praise Him in glad adoration

Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth

Chorus:
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Praise to the Lord
Who doth prosper thy work and defend thee
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him
All that hath life and breath
Come now with praises before Him
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again
Gladly for'ere we adore Him

I have missed out.

2008-10-06T20:46:00.002-06:00

This past week we had Thursday and Friday without classes. Finally a nice break to...(jump ahead to Sunday night)...What did I do this weekend.

Maybe something like this...

Sleep in.
Think about catching up on reading.
Think about the homework I have to do.
Trip to grocery store(x3)
Realize that I foolishly stayed at Dordt for the break.
Realize how this has put me in the position so either do the dreaded things on my to do list or to only get as far as to just dread them.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Failed attempt at taking a break.

I have decided that doing much of nothing does not satisfy the hunger and need for a change of pace, a break and time away.

The one good thing I did this weekend was go to church with a friend and then eat with his family for a nice home cooked Sunday dinner. And I suppose there are a few other reasonable things about this weekend, but now that it has come and gone I feel like I have missed out. I had the time and space, but there was no desired outcome.

Tonight I said to my roommate, "I quit."

I quit. I desire to demand of myself that because my appetite for a break has not been satisfied then I will not go to class, I will not do my homework and I will not...

No. Sadly, no. Responsibility, external expectations, other people...it all requires more.

Sometimes words just don't do the trick. Come inside my brain, come and understand my thinking and my perspective...

See what I mean? Do you see what I'm getting at? Yeah, sometimes words do not do the trick.

Idolatry

2008-09-28T10:36:00.003-06:00

This morning I went to church and my mind trailed off on a tangent that was not really related to the sermon for today. My pastor here was discussing Acts 17 when Paul is discussing the "unknow god" that is in a city he is visiting. I have been considering idolatry and in what ways does that has taken shape in the world we live in today.

When I greeted people at church this morning I talked to multiple people that in response to "How are you doing?" replied "I am so tired", "Oh why's that?" "Well I stayed up late the last few nights."

I am tired today. There is nothing wrong with being tired besides the effects on your health as a result of chronic lack of sleep. But there may be something wrong with the reasons behind why we are so tired. I believe that there is an addiction to entertainment and it is evident all over the place. I once gave my parents a hard time for having the TV as the focal point of the living room, and yet this is very common is most houses. Advertising is rampant. The resources we have are endless when it comes to being entertained. There are so many things that are not in and of themselves evil, but the excessive use and abuse is what is evil.

I purposely use the word evil.

We are addicted to being constantly doing something, of being entertained. It is our priority! Check your email, watch some TV or a movie, play Ultimate Frisbee, listen to music to fill in the silence because silence is always awkward, excessive eating just because it is enjoyable, going to concerts, going to the mall, buying things in general. I would suggest that it has even come to the point of affecting our churches and services. I like, want this attribute in the service, and I don't like this about the service. And once the dislikes out weigh the likes then we can go to the church down the road that meets all or at least more of what we desire.

Idolatry is evil, it separates us from God. If we idolize entertainment it is a distraction and a obstacle that takes up our time and energy and it can over take our lives. I am always on the look out for "something to do" and if I am unsuccessful then I am bored. I think I have said it before, but I will say it again. Boredom is often a choice.

So now the question is how do you get a generation addicted to entertainment and doing stuff to break the cycle and the controlling desires to DO DO DO? And something else I find interesting is that our worth is dependent on what we do.

What did you do this weekend? Is it worthy of bringing up in conversation when you "hang out" with whoever. Why do you hang out with those people? Well, he has these things, he is socially acceptable, because he wears the right things and says the right things. If you have not been sufficiently entertained this weekend then you fail the test of Monday morning conversation...your weekend was boring, uneventful and you have nothing to contribute. You have no worth. Even our conversation is required to be entertaining. That is funny, that is amazing or that is extreme...whatever adjectives you want to use.

Give it to me...all of it. Give me what is physically, visually, and audibly pleasing. I want it because it tastes good. I may lose sleep over it, but it is worth my time because it is more entertaining than sleeping. Plus I can then check off my quota for how I have been entertained.

But our appetite, just like with any other addiction, will never be satisfied.

Stop it! Break the addiction. Start with a day, move on to a few, a week, a month. My mind is working against me, it lusts after my desires for fun and enjoyment.

It has become my American Idol.

Watching the news.

2008-09-25T13:01:00.002-06:00

Something that is on my today after watching the news...INFLATION!
As if the American dollar could lose anymore value on an international level.

Stormy

2008-09-25T12:34:00.003-06:00

Last night I woke up at 4am to what seemed like a strobe light going off in the room, and then...the building shook. I am not even joking. A huge thunder storm rolled through and it was one of the biggest and most intense lightning and thunder storms I have ever witnessed. I stayed up for a bit counting 1/1000, 2/1000 after every flash. At one point lighting was hitting so frequently and so closely that I could not even finish saying 1/1000 before thunder hit. It was crazy.

Lately I have had a couple different experiences like this that have been reminders that God is in control, and he cares about individual people. Enen in seeing parts of the movie Men in Black I was thinking about how small I am. If you have seen the movie you might remember how it suggests that the size of something is all relative.(i.e. an entire galaxy, in a marble sized ball, hanging from a cat's collar.

Antoher instance was in recently reading Psalm 56, especially verse 8.

"You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"

All of Psalm 18 is the same way. It descirbes all these crazy powerful attributes about God and then out of nowhere in verse 16 you come face to face with that same God. He is personal and He loves his people.

"The End Is Here"

2008-09-22T10:49:00.003-06:00

Endless day
We search for what we hold inside
So hard to find
Luck turns
Will the fallen ever reach within
And rise again

For the rest of my life
I will find the answers
That were always here
I will find the meaning this time
I will fight for the end
Till the end is here

Wasted time
With words that seem to break our will
They blind us still
Without a care
They tarnish what we hold so dear
What was once so clear

"'Salvation belongs to our God
who sits on the throne,
and unto the Lamb." (Revelation 7:9-10)

These were joined by the heavenly hosts, "saying,

'Amen!
Praise and glory,
and wisdom, and thanks, and honor
and power and strength,
be to our God for ever and ever,
Amen!'
. . . These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, they are before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple.'" (Revelation 7:12, 14-15)

...

They sang a new song, which they alone could sing:

"And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne

...

They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among men and offered as first-fruits to God and the Lamb." (Revelation 14:2-4)

Just the vials with the last seven plagues are poured out, there is another burst of praise and thanksgiving in the heavenlies:

"I saw what looked like a sea of glass mixed with fire and, standing beside the sea, those who had been victorious over the beast and his image and over the number of his name. They held harps given them by God and sang the song of Moses the servant of God and the song of the Lamb:

Great and marvelous are your deeds, Lord God Almighty.
Just and true are your ways, King of the ages.
Who will not fear you, O Lord,
and bring glory to your name?
For you alone are holy.
All nations will come and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed.' (Revelation 15:2-4)

We are now reaching the climax. A "Hallelujah Chorus" precedes the announcement of the Marriage of the Lamb:

"After this I heard what sounded like the roar of a great multitude in heaven shouting:

'Hallelujah!
Salvation and glory and power belong to our God,
for true and just are his judgments.' . . .
And again they shouted:
Hallelujah!'

Then a voice came from the throne, saying:
'Praise our God, all you his servants,
you who fear him, both small and great.'
Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing water and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.'
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)

Then the angel said to me, Write: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!' " (Revelation 19:1, 3, 5-9)

Anybody want to go with me?

2008-09-20T12:32:00.003-06:00

At the end of this year I will be going on a choir tour back to the Netherlands...amazing. A couple nights ago I was talking to a friend about whether I was going to do some traveling around Europe after the tour. He suggested I just take another loan out and travel now while I'm still single and just out of college. So I have been considering where I would go if I did travel. I have already decided against it, but it would be really nice to get around to some of the countries that I didn't get to go to the first time in Europe. Plus some other locations that I wold love to visit.

England
Ireland
Sweden
Finland(I was in the airport for about 2 hours)
Norway
Poland
Czech Republic
Croatia
Italy
Australia
New Zealand

So who's up for it? A few thousand dollars here a few there and the trip of a lifetime. And then when we get back we ca job search together to attempt paying off the debt accumulated. I do not like guilt, it is way too good at preventing so many things i want to do.

All in the Family

2008-09-18T08:41:00.003-06:00

I think it is funny, like ha ha laughable, that from the outsider persepctive on a family how it can seem like "man they really have it together". And of course the following thought process gives us this feeling like my family is really messed up. There was a TV show called "All in the Family" and those writers splendidly portrayed the family of its chaotic qualities.

I often refer to my close friends as brothers and sisters, and I really like the idea of having a large family...that there is something kindred and unifying between us that makes us family. Christ would be the dominant factor, but there is so much built into these relationships. We have our commonalities and ways we can relate to each other, and by all means we have differing opinions.

So this illusion there are families that don't have as many problems and sit peacefully in the family room every evening to talk about how wonderful there day was is ridiculous. And of course mother knits while father reads the paper and the children piece together the latest Thomas Kinkade puzzle. aaaaa, no.

I think that in the family structure God has a beautiful and often hilarious way of using the ways we hate each other's guts at times and the disagreements to make the statement "can't live with 'em and you can't without 'em" so true. I love my family, and I love my brothers and sisters. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes when need to remember that reuniting after that absence often leads back to the reality of the kids fighting because the other is hiding pieces of the puzzle to put the last piece in and mom and dad going crazy from the bickering and on and on and on.

And there you have it. Family is really designed to remind us of how depraved (or deprived) we are and our need for a savior. Hey check it out, I am already developing the ability, that all pastors have, to turning everything into a message about the gospel!

"God bless us, everyone."

Pictures

2008-09-01T21:28:00.004-06:00

Upon my return to Dordt I was given some picture by on eo fthe girls that was on the SPICE program in Holland last spring. I found them entertaining...quite. The other guy in the pictures is Alex...one of my roommates this year. The explaination is that we were invited to a Hawaiian Luau themed event and the best part is that it was the youth group of one of the churches in the area. Oh, and yes they did serve beer. It was a dandy old night, and we had a good time listening to all the Dutch students sing karaoke to Dutch songs.

Kantorei

2008-09-01T21:03:00.002-06:00

The other singing group that I am in this year is a small enseble called kantorei. Now that I think about it I don't even know what that means. But a song that we sang through today is called "Calling My Children". Dr. K., my choir director appropriately labelled this as the piece that all the freshmen parents attending the concert will weep to. Out with the old seniors and in with the new freshmen. It is relaly nice that seasons change over the course of the year because in a place like Sioux Center, Iowa I always find myslef wanting the next season to come already. But this is with the foolish thinking that the next season will be better than the current one. BAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Too flippin hot or way to freezing cold and by some miraculous act of God we sometimes get a day or two when the extremes take a break.

Calling My Children Home

Those lives were mine to love and cherish.
To guard and guide along life's way.
Oh God forbid that one should perish.
That one alas should go astray.

Back in the years with all together,
Around the place we'd romp and play.
So lonely now and oft' times wonder,
Oh will they come back home some day.

I'm lonesome for my precious children,
They live so far away.
Oh may they hear my calling...calling..
and come back home some day.

I gave my all for my dear children,
Their problems still with love I share,
I'd brave life's storm, defy the tempest
To bring them home from anywhere.

I lived my life my love I gave them,
to guide them through this world of strife,
I hope and pray we'll live together,
In that great glad here after life.

I'm lonesome for my precious children,
They live so far away.
Oh may they hear my calling...calling.. and come back home some day.

P.S. Kantorei is the name of another, older, German choral ensemble, and I suppose that the Kantorei here at Dordt is named after that.

simple Christian

2008-08-29T07:43:00.002-06:00

I have been studying theology at Dordt College for 2 years now and entering my 3rd But now matter how many theology courses I take I have yet to find a reasonable cause to bind my beliefs with one type of theology. "I am a calvanist" or "I prefer the veiws of Piper". I often find myself saying "I can agree with that." but not in the relativistic(?) tolerant sense. What I am not tolerant of is an approach to Christianity that feels this need to logically explain everything. To say, "well God must of used evolution to create the earth because that makes the most sense" or to make a formula that explains everything in our world.

I believe God has given a great deal of organization to the universe and to our being human, but that does not mean that everything He created and how He works in our world today makes complete logical sense.

Not matter what Biblical theological view you prescribe to, it must come down to faith.

ASODGUBAEFVJLNLASNDVMNZOBPDOGHAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-28T07:51:00.004-06:00

However you pronounce that and coupled with jumping up and down and bursting with excitement is my reaction to the email I just received from my choir director.

I made it into concert choir!!! This is something I have been wanting to be a part of since the day I came to Dordt and now 2 1/2 years of voice lessions and of being in other choirs has come to fruition. Thank you God!

The picture above is a picture of Ross De Wit. He's a frined of mine that was in concert choir last year. Oh and another sweet part of being in Concert Choir is the awesome robes!

Here here

2008-08-25T14:42:00.002-06:00

So after leaving my house in Bothell around 8 am on Sunday, we made it to Dordt today around 12pm. We only made stops for food and gas and plowed through the rest. It was interesting to see the slow decline in scenery over the course of the trip...Western Washington through Idaho, Montana and South Dakota and finally to Iowa.

Upon arrival it has finally settled in that I am in my last year at Dordt. Bizarre and stressful to think about what this year will include.

Ready...set...GO!

Blobbed

2008-08-01T10:07:00.005-06:00

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1824744

The advantages of being a larger person become more clear in opportunities to launch someone through 2 complete flips via a blob. But unfortunately according to most opinions being a larger person really has very few or no advantages at all. It surely is not considered an attractive quality, and lets be honest and recognize that when referring to a "larger person" with "more to love" would be the nice translation of fat, obese or possibly just plain ugly. Pleasantly plump huh? Just say it, I'm fat. It's not like you are going to give away some big secret that everyone until now has been hiding from me all my life.

"Wait, I'm fat? Noooooo, surely not. That's the most outrageous thing I have ever heard!"

In recent experience I came across this burning desire to know what someone else was thinking...whether conscious or subconscious. And there is a good chance I am over dissecting the situation, but I do not think so. I like to think that I tend to give people benefit of the doubt but sometimes not so much. Let me explain hypothetically...

You get onto a bus of people, and all of you are familiar with each other. Let's say there are 10 seats, two people to a seat, and you are the 10th passenger to arrive. There is on seat open next to a person who is currently seated by him or her self. Here is the million dollar question...Does it make sense for you to sit next to that person or is there something that would cause you to squeeze into another seat that really only has room for 2 but now has 3 people sitting in it? If you choose to not sit next to that person, what is it that drives you to cause discomfort for you and 2 others just to avoid sitting to that person? Is it to avoid that person, or is it that you want to sit next to these other 2 people you know so badly that you would bear anything just to be next to them? And let us also consider what thoughts are going through the heads of all the other passengers once your choice of making a trio is made. What about that individual sitting alone? I'm sure their sitting alone in this situation is a real boost of morale for the day.

Like I said before, many would claim that this would be over dissecting the situation. But I do not think that is so. In my recent experience I was the one to sit by myself. The point is not so much that I was lonely or desperately needed someone to sit next to me, but rather a point of what goes on in one's mind in this situation. I think it is all too easy to be ignorant to the effects of our actions. Do we understand the consequences of what we say and do or the things we choose to not say and do? Let us put an even bigger twist into the equation and inquire as to how we should conduct ourselves as Christians? Just consider the fact that being a Christian could/should possibly drive us to do things we might not want to for the sake of another's benefit.

Music is a beautiful thing!

2008-07-31T11:25:00.003-06:00

This morning I have been listening to some new music and there is nothing that can think of that gives me motivation, inspiration and joy like listening to good music. I love it when I get chills from some really good organ, lead guitar, driving bass and drums, or crazy amazing singing. Some might say that I am really picky about the music I listen to. I would like to think that it is refined. Others would claim that my taste is too broad with anything from classical Chopin to some crazy techno I heard in a bar while in Holland. Either way, I love my music.

Controversy

2008-07-30T18:35:00.001-06:00

Is it art? Could it be just a hobby, or even an occupation for some? Is it possible damnation for those who participate in such activity?

I have been thinking about tattoos lately. I know multiple people who have 1 or multiple tattoos, and I have brought it up in conversation every so often. Something I find interesting is whether I hear a positive or negative reaction to the subject it seems to be an eyebrow raising subject. "I have no problem with tattoos, I think they look really cool on some people...ARE YOU GOING TO GET ONE?" The person has already expressed their approval and yet there is this curiosity that surrounds the thought of whose buttons will be pushed as a result, or maybe how one's perception might change of the individual or even group of people getting tattoos.

OOOO my heart is just palpatating at the thought of the reactions I could get with getting a tattoo. Earlier today I was looking through some old pictures of my family and came across a pciture of my brother with ears pierced and his hair dyed black...what a rebel. I still remeber the surprize we all had when he came off the airplane for Christmas break with earings. I thought it was cool that he was pushing the boundaries of what was considered kooth in our family at the time.

So now I am curious as to why I have considered getting a tattoo for myself, hypothetically speaking of course. What could be driving me to permanently engrave something onto my body for all to see my individualism, my gumption and rebelliousness to all who may raise an eyebrow? The first reaction I could think of from some of my friends would be, "Dude that's totally BA!" (Bad ass that is) What's the world coming to with kids saying "ass" these days? And of course it is okay that I have stated it in my post because I have only quoted or parenthesized it each time.

Ass Christians... oopse I mean AS Christians what are the battles that we need to be figthting, and what are the things that we choose to make a big issue out of that could be getting in the way of what matters most?

Give me some feedback peoples. Peace!

What Have We Become?

2008-07-22T10:47:00.002-06:00

"A preacher shuns his brother Cause his bride’s a different colour and this is not acceptable, his papa taught him. so It was love that he’d been preaching But this was overreaching The boundaries stretchin’ further than his heart would choose to go. Like an angel with no wings. Like a kingdom with no king.

What have we become? A self indulgent people. What have we become? Tell me where are the righteous ones? What have we become? In a world degenerating What have we become?

Speak your mind, look out for yourself. The answer to it all is a life of wealth. Grab all you can cause you live just once. You got the right to do whatever you want. Don’t worry about others or where you came from. It ain’t what you were, it’s what you have become.

Mom and Dad are fightin’ as Rosie lies there crying. For once again she’s overheard regrets of their mistake. With Christmas bells a-ringing little Rosie’d leave them grieving. The gift she’d give her family would be the pills she’d take. An inconvenient child she wasn’t worth their while.

What about love? What about God? What about holiness? What about mercy, compassion and selflessness?You know it’s true He is there for me and you...doesn’t matter what you do.

What have we become? Have we come undone? What have we become? Have we come undone? What have we become?Selfish… ??? With selfish… ??? Selfish people, when you gonna learn? Everyone of us gathered ’round in trust. What have we become?"

mmm, good ol DC Talk. This morning at Bible study it was good to read through some scripture and remember my continual need for grace and the fundamental message of the gospel. Too often my life becomes about my arrival. After this year at school I will have arrived to the next level in my life...one more notch of success on my belt. Today I was reminded again of the importance of helping the poor and the people in my community that really just need help. Just because I live in middle class america does not mean everyone is doing just fine. Widows, single parents, those who work overtime, sun up to sun down to manage, the elderly, the disabled.

Why does it seem that my blogs have this gross ability to become preachy. Maybe with a pepering of nagging guilt as well. And then again my what thoughts occur in my head seem to be printed into cliche sayings as I type them in here.

Lamentations 3:22-23...the last thought for today.
"22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions(mercies) never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."

Sabbatical

2008-06-24T23:00:00.002-06:00

I will be taking a break from posting on this blog.

The Burden

2008-06-09T10:52:00.002-06:00

By Max Lucado
The Daily Encourager - InJesus.com

"Come with me to the most populated prison in the world. The facility has more inmates than bunks. More prisoners than plates. More residents than resources.

Come with me to the world's most oppressive prison. Just ask the inmates; they will tell you. They are overworked and underfed. Their walls are bare and bunks are hard. No prison is so populated, no prison so oppressive, and, what's more, no prison is so permanent. Most inmates never leave. They never escape. They never get released. They serve a life sentence in this overcrowded, underprovisioned facility."

The name of this prison is depression, discontentment, want, frustration, self-pity, family issues. Yesterday I heard someone say "this weather is eating away at me". There has been so much rain, so many days of gray and days of being unproductive because of this weather. This past week I have thought a lot about spiritual warfare. So much of our lives is influenced by the spiritual realm. But along with these thoughts of the spiritual realm comes fear and uncertainty. I have lost sleep over my uncertainty. I have lost sleep over wondering "what if..." or "why does..." or "why can't I..." or "why did I...". One night this past week I came home and was struck with fear...I could die tonight. It is possible. Am I ready to die or am I holding too tightly to the present?

This is still an issue of trust. I know of people that profess complete peace, even when faced with death. I do not understand, and maybe it is because I still do not fully trust God with my life. When I was in Ukraine I had the same kind of doubts and questions...what besides my family environment has caused me to believe in the God I do? Some may think that these are elementary questions for someone who has grown up in the church, but is it really elementary? I see the evidence of the spiritual realm, I have God experiences and most of the time I do not worry about these sorts of issues. But I still do have these times of uncertainty, these times of fear and doubt, and it is all the more reason for me to believe in spiritual warfare, to believe that these times of fear and doubt is a bombardment of lies being whispered in my ears by the very demons that hate my savior.

Romans 13:12-14 "And do this because you know the time; it is the hour now for you to awake from sleep. For our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed; the night is advanced, the day is at hand. Let us then throw off the works of darkness (and) put on the armor of light; let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, 4 not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy.But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh."

Independent.

2008-05-19T15:35:00.002-06:00

Other than a skateboard company, the word peaks my interest. This past weekend I had the house to myself because the parentals were in Vegas, I am the 3rd and final Pilon kid to be in the process of becoming independent. So of course like every good college guy does with a house to himself, I massive kegger and drank loads of alcohol and all kinds of people came over and it as a wild weekend of debauchery.

Not.

But I enjoyed having the place to myself, and I did have some friends over on Saturday night. (thanks for coming yall) Anyway, last night I spent some time with a couple of my friends as well. We went to compline at St. Mark's Cathedral, picked ups some food at Dick's Drive In and ended the night with some great conversation at Kerry Park up on Queen Anne. It was really great to just sit and talk.

Until...

Well let me give some background. One of the two friends I was with, whom we will call Bob for anonymous' sake, has been independently out of the country for the better part of the past year. They are now back and living with their parents. This is where the "Until" comes in. Me and my 2 friends were sitting on the ledge at Kerry park, enjoying the view, having some good conversation, and Bob's phone rings. Said phone was answered with a very unhappy parent on the other end because Bob had missed curfew. What I did not understand was the fact that Bob never had a curfew before, but ever since he has been living with his parents again he now has a curfew, and Bob is 19 years old.

I think independence is a hard thing for parents. It is just naturally built into parents to want to help their children and once their children grow up into responsible independent adults, it can seem so foreign for parent to not have to help their child nearly as much anymore. And this becomes the tricky balance of becoming independent. Does my 19 year old need a curfew, or can I trust them to be old enough know what their limits are and that the can take care of themself? I suppose the answer is going to depend on the person and the circumstances.

Hugs: the wonder drug

2008-05-09T08:30:00.001-06:00

Have you ever wondered how effective hugs are?
You rarely give a hug that is not appreciated, or receive one that does not make your day a little brighter.
Can you think of any medication that has such pleasant side effects?

Hugs are good for you. They're not fattening and they don't cause cancer or give you cavitiies. They're
all-natural, contain no perservatives, artificial sweeteners or other chemical additives.

Hugs are cholesterol-free and contain 100% of the recommended daily allowance of hope and happiness. They are a completely renewable source of energy and they're available without a prescription.
Hugs don't require any special instructions. They don't need batteries, tune ups or x-rays.
They're non-taxable fully returnable and energy efficient.
They can be safely used in all kinds of weather: as a matter of fact, they work especially well during cold or rainy days. They are particaulrly effective in treating everyday probablems like stress, worry, anger, frustration, sadness or sorrow, and even the occasional nightmare. The best thing about hugs is you can use them without special training or prior experience. But a word of caution for those of you trying it for the first time. You should never wait until tomorrow to hug someone who needs it today. Once you realize how good it feels, you'll want to do it all over again tomorrow! Yes.... hugs are extremely addictive!

Full

2008-05-09T08:05:00.002-06:00

Today is the last full day that I am in Holland and it is already 4o6pm. This morning I rode my bike to school and turned in some books to be reimbursed for, and then I turned in my bike. So I then took a nice walk home because I did not have my bike anymore. Tomorrow my train leaves from Zwolle at 715am. I still need to finish packing. Ugh. I am still not sure everything is going to make it home. I have already decided to leave 2 of he pairs of shoes I brought along because one pair is old and look like it too, and the other pair I don't really ever wear at home nor did I while I was here.

This past wednesday night we went to the pancake ship for dinner with the whole group, which I previously wrote about. It was very good. We all received dinging bells to remind us of our bikes and also a package of stroopwaffels. (Delicious Dutch treat) this whole week I have been accumulating things and every time I get something else I have to reconsider, "will this fit in my suitcase". I am coming home with more than I brought that is for sure. It is now 413. I am not a fan of time. It is like a curse..."oh I'm late!, time is flying by, a time to live a time to die." Time is often our slave driver. But then we also choose to let it control us. This is something I have loved about Holland. Down time, reflection, coffee breaks, visiting with people, sitting in this living writing on my blog right now. When I am at Dordt or at home, I feel much more of an obligation to time. As if my schedule needs to be filled with productivity and progress for the majority of my days. Hmmm.

I have been frequently asked in the last couple weeks if I have enjoyed my time in Holland and Ukraine. I have mixed feelings about Ukraine.........but I love Holland. I wish I could take my family and friends here for 4 months to see what I have experienced. Holland is a beautiful place and from my experience has beautiful people on multiple levels...

There are many Dutch girls that are cute.
Personalities of so many people that I have met are genuine and that is beautiful.
Beautiful houses and windmills dot the blooming, spring countryside, and the countryside does not smell like shit. Literally speaking.

And for those I have come to know and love on this Dutch program, I plan to see these people again and to give them all hugs and to recall the beautiful memories and to laugh and cry and be content with how much God has taken care of us for these 4 months. I will dearly miss this place, these people, this culture, this way of life.

Homeward bound.

Pancakes! How cool is that?

2008-05-07T08:59:00.002-06:00

the answer is, very cool. Tonight will be a kind of last getting together of all the students that have been on SPICE this semester as well as all the SPICE Buddies(Dutch Students that hung out with us). We are all going to eat loads and loads of pancakes and talk about all the great things that have happened this semester. Oh, and the best part is that none of us have to pay anything for it. The school has graciously organized this wonderful get together and they are shouldering the bill as well. YAY!

There are still some assignments to finish up and hand in, but I predict that tomorrow will be the last day I will need to slay that dragon. Today was officially the last formal meeting of my last class. I had a presentation that went well. On a scale of very poor to excellent I was graded with a very good. Literally that was my grade. I chuckled when I realized that was literally the way I was getting graded for this course.

In other news, I found out today that one of the girls on the same program that I am will be taking the same flight to Philly that I am on Saturday morning as a result we will be taking the same train to the airport as well. It will be nice to have a travel buddy for part of the trip. Thankfully I will not be following her back to Iowa, but have every intention of flying into Seattle at 9pm! It will certainly be good to be back in the glorious Pacific Northwest! Oh, and I have placed an order for there to be good weather when I come back. So if it is sunny on Sunday you will know that I am home. But if not...then I am probably still home, and the non-sunny weather is not my fault. I know...that last little bit did not sound conceited at all.

See you all soon!
Peace.

Sloth:habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.

2008-05-02T08:09:00.005-06:00

Today I have not been outside once. Most of my time has been sitting in front of my computer, and my intentions, although good, have been completely unsuccessful. I have things to write, and a portfolio to organize, and yet procrastination has become all too common for this 21 year old. Officially an adult and I feel like I have habits that I should have put to death years ago. Part of me wishes I had the determination and discipline to sit down and work on something start to finish and the result being excellence. Reality is that many things take me longer to do than they ever really should and almost never in one sitting.

Honestly this is embarrassing. I think I have a problem with sloth, and as a disclaimer I would say it is not all the time. But there are days where I have lost the desire to do anything I am supposed to and everything I am not supposed to or that is unimportant is so appealing! How do I change this wretched part of me? Results of a quick google search have revealed the Bible to compare the slothful to weak, dumb dogs, the opposite of diligent, wimpy, whinny and a begging mooch.

Ouch.

In response to my question of change, I would request the assistance of my faithful blog readers to give me the proverbial kick in the pants when you see fit. If I object, something to the effect of "you are a slothful, lazy, wimpy, whinny begging mooch." should suffice. And no this is not too harsh. I think a realization of reality in one's life is often the most effective cure to something many of us are experts in...... lying to ourselves. And despite the pain of the truth I would like to think that the outcome is ultimately for the benefit and growth of a person.

I need to go ride my bike or something else active, or is this procrastination at it's best? Waste a day away in avoiding what is important and then once realizing the waste and laziness that has occurred, one fuels the fire of procrastination in proposing to do something active that is still not accomplishing what is important. How about I propose to do something Productive.

Just the word sloth is so unappealing. Gross. Alright...moving on to more productive things.
Peace.

Frustration

2008-05-02T07:01:00.002-06:00

When what is done has been done and all has passed
Once God has decided that the final judgement shall be cast
I feared I was lacking faith, I was losing my sight
My God, please have mercy on me tonight

When my words are made of ash and my mouth is dry
Once my strength was worn down and I rub my sore eyes
I feared I had pridefully refused all help and responded in spite
My God, please forgive me tonight

When I could not stop thinking and just rest
Once I had made my sin a frequenting unwanted guest
I feared I was damed and no way i would be cleaned white
My God, please give me peace tonight

When I realize these issues are not past tense
Once I know I have procrastinated the thought of what is reality...
I fear...

My Future
Death
What other people think
Consequences of my doubt
My weakness

2 Weeks

2008-04-26T09:58:00.002-06:00

Today is the 2 week mark until I am back in the States. This Monday I will fly back to Holland and spend the last 2 weeks there. Today the rest of the siblings of my host family flew over from Holland. They have a break this upcoming week so David, Bram and Louis are now here along with a couple of their friends as well. It is really nice to see some people my age, and it would have been really sweet to have them here the whole time I was in Ukraine, but incidentally they are all studying back in Holland, and it's kind of like we are switching places in a way. It is cool to have a full house( 9 people). We all took a walk through the city center this afternoon. On the week ends the city closes down the main street and it is full of people sitting on benches and taking a stroll.

This up coming week will be a challenge. Technically I am finished with my courses that I was taking for the 7 weeks in Ukraine, but scheduling was over booked in terms of assignments so my teacher wants me to finish them this next week while I am in Holland. I feel that they will just be a nuisance to complete, as well as hard to do them with going home on my mind. Yesterday was my final presentation for the internship that I had while here. I had spent the last week working on an outline and notes on what I was going to present based on what my teacher wrote in the syllabus. A few of the other missionaries that live here in Kiev came to hear what I had to say, which I appreciated. I knew all of them and I was comfortable with them coming. Something that was going to be nice was that the presentation was informal so we just sat around the table and then left things open for questions and discussion while I presented. The problem was that I started to present and then ended up only say a third of what I had prepared because the discussion/ questions moved in a different direction. What we talked about was relevant, but it was not what I had been studying and preparing for. Unfortunately I do not think well on my feet when it comes to public speaking and I felt like I stumbled over my words and did not give the answers they were looking for. As a result I think the grade for my presentation will not reflect the effort and work I put into it, nor the things I learned from my time here. Frustrating.

Well I don't really feel like writing much else for now. Thinking about the presentation again is a downer. I will try to write again soon.

Blahhhh.

2008-04-18T11:10:00.003-06:00

Translation= I don't feel so good. I have about one and a half weeks left here in Ukraine. I have plenty of work to do by the end of next week and I will have limited time to work on it. This weekend I am supposed to travel to another town in the Southern part of the country. Last night I was here in Kiev, but I had spent 2 nights before that on the train. Me and Jos took a trip down to Odessa for a day and the train ride is over night in sleeper cars. So we slept on the train on Tuesday and Wednesday night. Then I had one night last night in a regular bed and will be sleeping in a sleeper train car again tonight as well as Monday night. To be honest I have no desire to go on this trip this weekend. It is just to visit 2 of the small Reformed churches down there. I really don't know what to expect, plus I don't feel 100%. It could be from the lack of sleep and the fact that dinner tonight consisted of french fries and what were basically chicken nuggets. It did not even taste that good, and now I feel a little stomach and headache. Yuck. It is a common occurrence where there will be some food left over and for some reason I am the one that is asked if I want to eat the rest, which I almost never do. Then if I say I don't want it, the dog eats it. It is as if the idea of covering it with saran wrap and putting it the fridge is a foreign concept.

I really just want to go home...like...now, or at least back to Holland. I am losing desire and energy to finish the semester. It is going to be really nice to have some down time when I get back. It is going to be really nice to not have young annoying host siblings to deal with too. Chris is 10 and he has got such a mouth on him I am ready to slap the turd. It is literally half my size and he mouths off like it's the other way around.

I really do want to write some more......at least my mind does, but y body doesn't feel like it. Plus I have to go pack some stuff for the weekend before I head out to the train station. The train leaves in a couple hours. I might not get the chance to post again until the middle of next week. I hope you all are doing well.

Blessings.

I don't think....

2008-04-15T01:21:00.002-06:00

...anybody with ever find the song they are looking for. Now that you are thoroughly confused I will explain myself. In reading some other blogs during recent procrastination sessions, I have found that quoting lyrics from favorite or profound songs is fairly common in the blogging world. I can identify with that. I have posted a few myself and yet every time I am never fully satisfied.

Still confused...keep reading.

I have always wanted to write a song with lyrics that could masterfully explain on paper the essence of what goes on in my head. I suppose the reason for my posting lyrics on my blog is two fold. One I have never felt that I possess the poetic ability to write that song... whenever I have attempted it is a pitiful representation of what I want it to be. the second reason is in the hopes that a song that someone else has written will fulfill my desires for the song that so beautifully encompasses the ramblings and interesting thoughts that bounce around in my head. At least I think they are interesting.

In light of all this I find it interesting when others post song lyrics, because I have a sneaky suspicion that they are never quite satisfied with the lyrics either. Keep on searching fellow bloggers. Fight the good fight and find those lyrics. I know at least I am interested in what kinds of thoughts others wish to be expressed in words. And now for your ironic pleasure I will share some lyrics...

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God

Galatians 1:10

2008-04-14T01:04:00.002-06:00

As you can see from the picture above, I have cut my hair. Boy have I ever. I knew it would be short, but it is just one of those things where I had to get used to the lack of hair and how much more my haircut accentuated the roundness and size of my head.

In other news, I went to a presbyterian church service with a family of one of the guys that Jos (my host Dad) works with. His Name is Scott and he has a wife and 3 very energetic adn precocious kids. The service was really good. I was able to sit next to a translator and it was nice to see the differences between this service and that of the Christian Reformed Church that I have been attending with Jos. We had a very good lunch with "make your own sunday" for dessert. So good. Then spent the afternoon talking and playing with the kids. Honestly the conversation I had with Scott and his wife was a huge help to so many things that have been on my mind.

Being a 3rd year student nearing the end of the year, it has come around to one of those times I have been rethinking again as to what I am doing at Dordt and why I am studying Theology and what is to become of me after I graduate and so on and so on. This has been the kind of thing that's been running through my head for the past couple months already and these periods have become a common biannual occurrence since I have been in college. As a result I have had the chance to have dinner with 3 different missionary couples since I have been to Kiev and naturally this the these topics naturally weave their way into the conversation when I am asked, "So what is your major? How do you like your school? What are your plans for after college?" Typical questions, and I do not resent them at all. These conversations time after time have been some of the most valuable parts of my visit to Kiev because I am wrestling this stuff in my head.

Today was so good for the simple reason that Scott understood my perspective and the kinds of things I have been wrestling with better than anyone I can think of in the past 3 years of college. In light of all of what we talked about, as usual I was understanding more and more about perspective, but something that kept running through my head was this verse...I had to look up the reference...

Galatians 1:10

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

So I have all these questions about what I am supposed to do from here on out, and I honestly have some ideas I would love to pursue. All my life I have been so concerned about how others perceive me, and when I consider going for more school or an occupation or ministry I am interested in, my first reaction is that there are people who do not think I am cut out for that. There are people who will think I am not capable or do not have the ability to accomplish that...and often I move on and those ideas and possibilities left in a part of my brain that I have gone back to time and time again. It is a wonderful place where I dream of about a future that is not inhibited by money or the perceptions of others. It is a place where, if I stay there long enough, I believe that I am capable and desire it enough to accomplish this kind of future..........until doubts and assumptions of what others think sets in. My conversation with Scott was so valuable to me for the following reasons. We had been talking for a couple of hours already and I was explaining this process of what I love to do and how I would want to incorporate what I am passionate about into my work, and explaining my questioning why I am studying Theology and how does this translate to what I am doing after I graduate. Scott responded with an observation. "Over the course of this whole conversation in talking about what's going on for you and what you have been wrestling with, there has been one point where I saw a spark. I saw something you were passionate about and where you were genuinely enthusiastic about what you were talking about............and that was when you talked about music. When you play music, when you sing, when you listen to it."

I had met Scott just a couple times in passing before this, and before this conversation he really did not know a lot about who Joel Pilon is. I have always loved music. Scott explained something that one of his teachers in college had talked to him about. Consider where you are headed, what you are studying and what you love to do. Determine possiblities for your future--work, family, whatever. And then narrow it down. What is the one thing you love doing that if you came off of a long flight and you were jet lagged and tired and absolutely drained, you would still do this one thing because it is what you love.

Music.

I know this is going to seem cheesy and not mean that much to some of you, but whatever. The last 2 nights I watched the first and second halves of the movie Braveheart. Some of you know where i am going, and if you have yet to see this movie, I do not care what you have heard, it is applicable to everyone. It is worth your time. So I was watching Braveheart and it is just one of those movies that never gets old. the lines never lose meaning and they seem to never cease to inspire. In light of the conversation I had with Scott, I was watching the last part of the film last night, and there was one line that stood out.

"Of course all men die, but not every man truly lives."

It is just one of those films that make you feel like you could go run a marathon when the credits roll. Anyway more thoughts to come, but I will end it here for now.

Joel

Chernobyl

2008-04-10T07:33:00.003-06:00

A couple days ago me and my host Mom took an excursion to the Chernobyl Museum in another part of downtown Kiev. It was really interesting to say the least, but sobering in many ways as well. We were fortunate enough to have a tour guide that spoke English, but at times we could not tell it what he was saying.

Some of the facts we heard were crazy. Roughly 91,000 people were evacuated from their towns and homes because of the incident. The explosion and fire occurred around 1am on April 26, 1986. Unfortunately the effects were astronomical that people in the surrounding areas did nothing for the first couple weeks because the government decided to basically ignore how bad the disaster really was.

The circumstances for the first couple days after the explosion were devastating to the firefighters and other workers who went in to clean up. They were given protective equipment, but even these workers were ignorant to what the radiation was doing to them. It is estimated that the protective gear they were given was protecting them from only about 1% of the radiation. And that was if they wore the gear. Most decided not to use it because of how heavy and awkward it was to wear while working. As a result the effects on their bodies was devastating. For every 2 minutes they spent in exposure to the radiation was estimated to take 2 years of life away. Many many workers died within weeks after the disaster. The radiation was so intense that devices they were using to measure it were worthless. The radiation was at higher levels then the devices could read.

The most fortunate part of the aftermath was the direction that the wind was blowing. The wind carried the majority of the radiation and damaging effects to the North. This is not to say that was not still very bad. But if the wind had been blowing South the radiation would have devastated the areas in and around Kiev and would have killed many more people...possibly in the millions. This is especially because the people in any direction of the disaster were not informed of the danger, and life carried on as usual. The day after the explosion The New York Times filled the entire front page and another half page of paper reporting on what had happened and the effects. That same day The Soviet Union Paper published 8 lines on the front page in the bottom left corner about the explosion. This was about the size of a small paragraph. That day more people in New York knew more about how bad the effects were then those being directly effected by it in Ukraine! It 2 weeks before Vladimere Putin made a public announcement about what had happened. But even then the evacuation process was near impossible for how many people were effected. There were a just over 100 buses and only 2 trains that were used to get people out of Kiev, which was not even close to enough.

The number of people that died because of the radiation is impossible to count or even estimate because of how massive of an area was effected by it. In the museum there were hundreds of pictures on the walls of just the workers that died from the disaster. Two men from the military received the highest award possible for their sacrifice, but this was only issued after their deaths, and their families only received a letter congratulating them on the award, but not saying that there husbands had died because of ignorance. For years after the disaster people were afraid of having children because they did not want handicapped children. The nearby forrest was so damaged by the radiation that the trees were glowing red, which is why that forrest is still call Red Forrest today.

The most amazing part of the tour was a video showing pictures of the aftermath. Through the whole video portions of the book of Ecclesiastes was recited in Russian. This was one of the most amazing experiences I have had while in Kiev.

Blessings to you all.

Checking in.

2008-04-06T11:23:00.002-06:00

This past week has been challenging. My 10 year old host brother is acting just like a 10 year old, unfortunately. But that has only been an addition to other crazy events. Last weekend I spent Saturday and Sunday night in Rievna, which is about 400 kilometers west of Kiev. Me and a couple of the people from the mission team here in Kiev traveled over to visit the missionary couple from Holland that is living there. Over the weekend we visited 2 of the small Christian Reformed Churches in the area to check in with the pastors and elders and to see in which ways these churches need support. It was helpful to see the practical side of the mission work here in Kiev. Originally the plan was to travel straight from Rievna to another town a short drive south for a 3 day conference with the families of the Reformed Seminary students. But Sunday night did not turn out as planned.

While at the house with the missionary couple and the other missionaries from Kiev, I was checking my email in the study and then out of nowhere, blackout...nothing. I wake up lying on the floor with everyone standing around me and I am clueless. A couple of the guys help he sit up against the wall and ask me a few questions like, "do you know where you are? do you know who WE are? how are you feeling?". I was so confused. I recognized the people around me, but could not remember there names. I was still wondering why I was sitting on the ground and why I was not sitting at the desk checking my email anymore. Other thoughts running through my head included, "why is everyone staring at me? what just happened?" I was trying my hardest to answer the questions they were asking me and I was sure I knew the answers, but y brain was just not cooperating. And then after about 10 minutes of just sitting against the wall utterly confused, it all clicked. The one thing that I did understand and I was able to say..... "I just had another seizure." The man sitting next to me confirmed my realization and explained that they heard me fall. When they came upstairs to see what happened they found me on the ground moaning and shaking violently.

Honestly my first reaction was anger. I was so mad. This was not supposed to happen again. what is wrong with me. I am taking medication to prevent this. But the biggest problem was that I was already a month past the 6 months I had to wait to drive again. I just had to make it home for the summer and I was free to drive where ever I wanted. I had not (have not) driven a car in 15 months! I was crushed. It took all of 15 minutes for my thinking to clear up and to feel normal again. That night we decided I should go back to Kiev for a day or so before the conference. I took a small bus back on Tuesday. They call these things marshrutka's. They are basically an old, rickety, 20 passenger micro bus, and they are fairly inexpensive. If you need to get somewhere in Ukraine, there is probably a marshrutka that can take you there. Anyway, I took the 5 hour trip back by myself, which I found to be entertaining seeing as I know about 15 words in Russian, and everyone else on the marshrutka knew about -2 words in English. I thought it was funny and made the the best of it. The old babushka sitting next to me had about 2.3 gallons of old grandma perfume on, and half way through the trip she decided that my shoulder was a prime spot to take a nap on. I wish I had taken a picture. On Wednesday we traveled to the conference and things continued on as normal.

I actually enjoyed the conference quite a bit. The 2 speakers were a couple of pastors that had flown over from Holland, Albert and Albert. One of them was my teacher for my Cross Cultural Issues in Missions course that I had while still in Holland. It was really good to see him again. The topic of the conference centered around Covenant Relationships between ourselves, God, our families and friends. The place we stayed was very similar to the seminary I was at for the first week here in Ukraine. The meals were full of mystery meat, the dorm we stayed in was an adventure in itself, but the last night was by far the best. I have discovered by way of experience that hanging out in a sauna is a very popular way for Ukrainian men to socialize. So The last night of the conference about 10 of us hung out in the sauna for a while. It was quite an experience.

Well that's all for now. More to come soon. Thank you for all of your prayers and support.

"Oh yeah, these bottles of milk will last half a year with out going bad."

2008-03-25T05:28:00.002-06:00

What is wrong with this statement. Every Saturday morning is when my host parents go grocery shopping. It is fairly similar to stores in the US, but the products are just different. Apparently this milk is sterilized by boiling it 2 different times and then packaging it. I do not care how sterilized they say it is, that milk was yellow and it smelled a little off when I poured it into my glass. Other interesting parts of the store is that there is an entire isle, both sides, stocked with all kinds of vodka. The wine section is even more extensive than that too. Basically a store within a store. The fish and meat department is questionable. Of all the meat I have seen in the past 2 weeks, I would say 70% of it looked and tasted mysterious. The food is not so bad, it is not like it is unbearable. Unfortunately my body has been complaining consistently for the past week. Today it feels like every bone and muscle in my body is aching and things over the past couple days have been running a little more smoothy than normal, if you know what I mean. ; )

The things I have been reading for my courses is enjoyable, which is nice. It is so much easier to learn about what I am reading when I can walk out the front door and experience it as well. This weekend I will be leaving for a trip to Western Ukraine. I was told just today that if I was not feeling well then the food in the more rural areas we are going to probably won't help. Yay. I was talking with my host parents, Jos and Marliss, last night about how it has been being the only one here. Of course it would be better with even just one other person. It is daunting to think about going anywhere by myself. I know all of 3 phrases in Russian, and apparently it is common for the locals to take advantage of foreigners. This sounds encouraging, yeah? I suppose things could be worse, but at this point it is a little discouraging. Now that I have been sick for a week, my positive, flexable attitude is in danger of plummeting.

If you would like to keep in touch in some way, it would be encouraging. Nothing against hearing from the family, it is just nice to hear from more than just the family at times. Hope you are all in good health and persevering. The last chunk of the school year has arrived, and I am looking forward to this summer.

Blessings
-Joel

Ukraine, By a Plane, Life's Insane

2008-03-17T08:51:00.002-06:00

Alright, so I have now been in Ukraine for a week as of today. Honestly it has been really interesting, and I am already enjoying the history that I am learning particularly in relation to the Eastern Orthodox Church. I think the Orthodox Church in general is not very well know in North America. It tends to not be very disruptive or cause much attention to itself in the North American setting, but here in Kiev it is much more noticeable. But I will get to more of that in a bit.

My day of travel to Kiev turned into a more chaotic experience than was initially expected, by far. I was supposed to take a flight that left at 945am last monday. Unfortunately the luggage check system at the airport in Amsterdam is constructed horribly. WHoever designed this was not in his right mind and was paid way too much because it does not work. I woke up at 530 to leave the house by 630 to make the train to the airport at 645. I made it to the airport in plenty of time(2hrs) before my flight. I went to get in line to check my bags and there were 5 lines for anyone from 12 different flights to check in their bags= chaos. Hundreds of people want to check their bags for their flight at the same time. By the time I reached the front of the masses it was 29 minutes before my flight took off. I know this for a fact because the lady at luggage check told me I was too late to check my baggage because the cut off was 30 minutes before the flight. I was not happy. I proceeded to take a number at the ticket counter and then waited in line only for them to tell me to go to another desk which then told me to go back to the ticket counter and then the ticket counter sent me to customer service. I then spent more time explaining why I needed to reschedule my flight and there was no way I was going to pay for another ticket because their system for checking luggage was retarded. Finally they agreed, and then I went back to the ticket counter to get another flight, which took another 30 minutes. By this time it was almost 11am. The flight I ended up taking took me to Helsinki, Finland and then switched airlines to get to Kiev 5 hours later then originally planned. The one thing that actually went well was that I got through customs just fine. But then my luggage was lost/ left in Helsinki because of the switch in airlines.

All this to say that my day of travel was long and much more chaotic then expected. But I made it. This past week I spent most of the time at the Seminary that is just a short drive outside of Kiev. Then this past Friday I moved from the seminary to the host family I am staying with. Their house is amazing! It is considered an apartment, but it probably has more space than the average house in Seattle. It is right in downtown Kiev and the neighbors just happen to be a former general from the Soviet Union, an advisor to the current ukrainian leader, Yushchenko and various other rich and important people that are most likely affiliated with the mafia. Yeah, that commen about the mafia is not a joke. In fact most of the wealthy people in Kiev are either former communist leaders or have gained their wealth with connections to the Ukrainian Mafia. Apparently the mafia and the government are very closely connected and that's just the way it is...according to my host Dad. The last couple days I have been finding out just how much of a problem the mafia really is, and the basement of the building we live in is a perfect example. Over the past couple years the mafia has been illegally building a restaurant/ night club that is supposed to open in the next month or so. All the residents of the building are against the night club, but not even the advisor to Yushchenco has any influence to stopping the opening. The mafia just pays off or threatens any protest to the project. Good times.

The other large influence on Ukraine as a whole is the Eastern Orthodox Church. It is really sad to see how deceived these people are. I do not know what the Orthodox Church in North America is like, but it's influence here in Kiev comes across as very deceptive. We visited a couple different Orthodox Churches and a Orthodox Monastery today. The buildings are amazing and I will be sure to post pictures. The paintings and the architecture are so elaborate and everything is connected to the tradition of the Orthodox Church. There are many paintings of saints and religious icons all around the churches and many people come to kiss the icons on a daily basis. There is a common belief that as an Orthodox Christian one receives their salvation through the church. Many people come to their church daily to pay for the priests to pray for them and to forgive them of sins committed. But there is also a huge disconnect between daily life and what the church teaches. An example of this is a taxi driver that has multiple pictures of saints and religious icons and crosses hang from his mirror and on his dashboard and right next to them he has pornographic pictures posted. This is apparently common and there seems to be nothing wrong with this. If a man professes to be an Orthodox Christian and is cheating on his wife, his sin is seen as merely weakness that he cannot help. he is to just confess his weakness to the priest and will most likely continue with the affair.

In some ways Kiev is just like any other city, but there are also its quirks. In the same way the Eastern Orthodox Church here in Kiev has similarities to other denominations of the Christian Church, but there are some significant differences and dangers in fundamental beliefs. It is sad to see how people are deceived. Well I should go. This post is plenty long enough. I will post again soon.

-Joel

It's Been A While.

2008-03-15T02:42:00.004-06:00

So I cannot even remember where I last left off, but there is no way that I will be able to update about everything. I think going to France for 10 days and making the transition to the Ukraine are the two biggest events that have occurred since my last post.

At midterm I had a few exams to take care of and they went fine, and then our whole group took a 10 day trip to S. France. We left on a Friday and traveled all night from Holland, through Belgium and Luxembourg and down through France until we hit the Mediterranean Sea at Marseilles, France. If that was a run on sentence I don't care. We took a bus and so the drive was about 18 hours from 8pm through to the next morning. This was my first experience with the Med. Sea, and all I can say is that it was phenomenally beautiful! We spent 2.5 days in Marseilles seeing a ton of sights. The whole week we were in France we might of had all of 3-4 hours of down time, not including sleeping. We spent most of our days from 7am until 9pm going all over to different historical and monumental sights and taking as many pictures as possible.

Some of the mentionable sights we saw in Marseilles were some greek and roman ruins, Chateau D'if Prison, some underground catacombs/ sarcophagi, and spending an evening sunset on the Med. Sea. After a couple days in Marseilles we then made a short 40 kilometer jaunt to a town called Aix en Province, and that was home base for the rest of the week. The place that we stayed was nothing less of a French Chateau. We each stayed in rooms for two people each and the entire property was incredible. The image above is the front of the Chateau. Unfortunately our jam packed days did not allow us to spend much time there.

While in Aix en Province we visited a number of the surrounding towns and sights. My favorite town was Arles. This is the place that Van Gogh cut off his ear and painted many of his works. While touring the town we stopped by the Van Gogh Cafe and a couple roman amphitheaters. If any of you have seen the movie "Ronin" with Robert De Niro, you might remember a part of the movie filmed in a roman amphitheater. The part of the movie where De Niro gets shot. That was the same one we visited. The town was sweet to say the least.

--SIDENOTE: Pictures of my trip to France will be posted shortly on Facebook. Stay tuned.

On the trip home from visiting one of the local towns we noticed an amazing opportunity that we convinced our leaders to let us stop to take a gander. This would be a level Aqueduct built by the romans. Furthermore the timing could not be better seeing as it was right around sunset. I collected a few rocks from the base of the Aqueduct that are not only ancient and astheically pleasing, but were also free.

There is much more to talk about, but I think I have already lost half of my readers with the length of this post. So I will leave an update on Ukraine until next time.

Tootaloo,
-Joel

Stress, and strange dreams.

2008-02-25T10:33:00.002-06:00

A couple different in the past couple weeks I had some really strange dreams, and I am not sure why. I think it might have something to do with the stress of my midterm exams and possibly other factors I am not aware of. Something else that is odd is that when I wake up after having these dreams I feel disoriented for a minute or so.

Today I had my midterm presentations and exam, which took 3.5 hours. I had a presentation discussing and comparing the experiences of taking some excursions and observing two different mission organizations. I think I did just fine in that presentation, but the other presentation was a comparison of two articles that I had read on Pravoslavian and Reformed Doctrine. I do feel I had presented the material very clearly and that was probably because I did not understand it very well myself. Finally the third part of my morning was to answer 19 short essay questions in conversational format. The short essay part was not difficult so overall I suppose the extremes of doing well in 2/3 and poorly in the third will hopefully balance out.

After I had discussed everything of the test with my teacher, we then discussed how I had done in the course overall. Something that I was discouraged by was that he had deducted points from my grade because I had turned in some of my reading responses late. But really I had turned them in early. The misunderstanding was that he wanted me to turn them in a few days before we met to discuss them, and there were a couple times that I had turned the work in maybe a day after we had agreed but still a day or two before the work was due. It was a communication error with me not understanding that I was deducted points for this.

Lately things have been rather monotonous. I was planning on visiting Kyle in Germany this weekend, but I decided I would be unable to do well in my exams today if I had. So now I hope to go visit him later this week after my second and final exam day. So I be able to spend Wednesday night, all of Thursday and Friday morning with him. This is really the last time I can spend time with him in light of our group leaving Friday night at 8pm for our 9 day trip to France. Then once we come back a I have a day to recuperate and then I fly to Ukraine early on the morning of Monday the 11th. I will then return from Ukraine on April 28 and have just under 2 weeks of time in Holland before I fly home to Seattle.

I am looking forward to this summer, but I really need/ want to make a fair amount of money. It is really remarkable that I will already be a senior next year. I think I might start looking into opportunities continue studying once I have graduated. I think I might be able to take courses part time or in the evening while working a job during the day. But then the question is what I would do for a day job?

I would love to hear from some people from home just to see how you are doing and to stay in contact. You can comment on here or send me an email at joelpilon@gmail.com

peace

2007-12-11T18:51:00.000-06:00

Today I put on a pair of jeans I had not worn for quite a while. I was looking in the mirror when I stuck my hand in my right pocket and felt a piece of paper. Lo and behold when I took the piece of paper out it was a twenty dollar bill. That is such a great feeling.

Things are slowing down for a few days here for what we call "dead week". We are still not quite sure if this is a week to have a break from homework before finals or to die from all the homework that our profs are not supposed to give us the the week before the end of the semester. I think this is the first dead week that I feel a dramatic change in my work load. I still have homework and things to wrap up, but I am feeling a little relieved for now. Tonight I have a Christmas party to attend with all the people that participated on praise and worship teams this semester. I think it will be a good time.

Finally, I would like ot announce my intention of saving up some money to buy a cello! I have always had a high admiration for stringed instruments in general, and to be honest I really like the sound of the violin. But come on. Could you honestly see a 6'5" Dutchman playing a violin? So I decided for a more aesthetically pleasing alternative that I would like to pursue purchasing a cello and some lessons. This is quite the expense to say the least, but I honestly think I will do this if my financial situation so aloows at some point in the future. Maybe I will start today with the $20 I found in my pocket.

Christmas is coming! 8.5 days until I fly home.

---------------------------

2007-12-06T13:46:00.000-06:00

Last night there was praise and worship here on capus just like every week on wednesday nights. Last night the praise and worship team that I am on played and I had the opportunity and permission from the leader of my team to lead worship last night. I picked out the music, and made my best effort to pick songs that worked well together. I was very pleased with the songs that I chose. I had almost 3 weeks to put the set list together and decide how I wanted to do things for last night.

A typica set consists of about 8-10 songs with prayer or a couple verses plugged inbetween songs. I have felt that over the course of this semester there has been quite a bit of individualism in terms of alone silent prayerinbetween songs or the leader for that night taking a few minutes to give a lesson. I feel like these disrupt the flow of music. It is possible to tyr and make the music flow too much, but we have yet to get any where near that line this semester. So in light of what I felt like choppy worship in weeks past I chose to keep things simple. We had about 10 songs and the only interruptions was a couple verses and thoughts that I shared after the two songs. I emphasized how the time of worship we have won wednesdays is unique in the way that it is designed to be in a community setting and there is something special about communal worship. In light of that I expalined that the worship was going to flow without much interruption.

The time we had to practice I felt was a battle. We have 7 people on our team, and last night I felt that, including myself, there were 3.5 people trying to lead the team. I had put the set together and I had ideas for how I wanted to play most of the songs. But I felt like I would let the team know what I had envisioned the song to go and then I would face 2 people oppsing what I had said with how they thought it should be played! But the reason why I said .5 is that there was a person on the team that was very helpful they were not looking to enforce their opinion, but would suggest something and would leave it up to me to decide. Needless to say, after all was said and done. One of the songs I wanted to do was scrapped for another that someone else wanted to do. The time we had to practice, although is sounded fairly good, took way longer than it usually does because of the opposition. And I felt really rushed.

We play through praise and worship and I think it was one of the most frustrating experiences playing for worship I have ever had! I was really discouraged afterward. Almost always after playing for praise and worship I get a couple comments that I played well, which I do not know how to respond to. Last night I didn't believe it when people said I did well. And in any case it bothers me when I am complemented for playing for praise and worship. I do not like the attention. I should not be the focus of praise and worship.

I feel like last night I tried so hard to make sure the attention was not on us as a team, but there seemd to be tention between me and the couple of people that wanted to lead. It was not right. I felt like the two that were enforcing their opinion did not trust me as the leader for that night. I have no intentions of being a threat to anyone, but in some ways I think the guy that typically leads our team feels threatened by me.

I am so botherd by how last night went, because I feel like the tention directly affected how praise and worship went last night. And because of the things I felt we did poorly I feel that is a reflection on me as a person. I do not want to be seen as selfish or distracting.

2007-11-11T15:09:00.000-06:00

Ecclesiastes 4:1-3

"Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed-- and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors--and they have no comforter."

Psalm 35:10

"My whole being will exclaim, Who is like you, O Lord? you rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them."

Psalm 113:7

"He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap"

Isaiah 14:30

"The poorest of the poor will find pasture, and the needy will lie down in safety"

Luke 6:20-22

"Blessed are the poor, for yours in the kingdom of God. Blessed are you wh hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil because of the Son of Man."

Money

2007-11-03T09:41:00.000-06:00

So I going to Europe this spring to study abroad and it is going to cost me a little above and beyond what it typically costs me to be at Dordt for a semester Also there have been some seminaries that have come to Dordt to promote coming to there school after college. I have put some thought into going to seminary and the more I think about it the more appealing it sounds, but that is for another post. I have a fair amount of debt and if I were to go on to seminary that would add to that already large amount of debt. My question in relationship to money is this:

At what point do we decide that money has become our idol and if we have reached that point what measures do we take to make sure that it is not ruling over us?

I have talked to some of my friends here at Dordt about money and many of have the same desire to not have to deal with money at all. How cool would it be to live independant of money? Very difficult, but liberating I would think. Is having debt a sign that moeny is starting to take control? In a couple of my classes we are currently discussing poverty and we question if what we consider impoverish to be acurate. Something else to consider is that there are more ways of being impoverish than just mesured by food or by what you own. Many, many people are spiritually impoverish. Am I poor because I have thousands of dollars in debt, but I potentially have the ability to pay that off? Or maybe I am still weathly for the same reason. I am relatively independant, and can provide for myself. I am wealthy.

I hate money! I %100 mean it when I say hate. It is our golden calf, our baal. And yet we have reached a point of no return. We are dependant on money. Could we be so bold as to willingly give up everything for the purpose of not being submissive to money. The Bible tells us that it is the love of money that is evil. Where do we draw the line between loving money and not? Is the fact that my family lives in a house with 2500 square ft a sign of loving money? We could live in a apartment and share rooms and we could manage just fine. Would that be more stewardly of our money?

In light of my wanting to attend seminary is it wrong for me to approach it with the attitude of not worrying that it will further bury me in debt because I trust that God will provide? Or is this foolish and irresponsible?

Is our dependency on money a sign of lacking faith in God to provide? Should we be so bold as to not worry about our money in faith that God will take care of us? Where do we draw that line between faithfully trusting and complete foolish irresponsibility?

I do not know. I would covet some thoughts and opinions to these questions.

Joel 2:28-32

2007-10-28T21:40:00.000-06:00

The Day of the LORD
28 "And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions.

29 Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days.

30 I will show wonders in the heavens
and on the earth,
blood and fire and billows of smoke.

31 The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD.

32 And everyone who calls
on the name of the LORD will be saved;
for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem
there will be deliverance,
as the LORD has said,
among the survivors
whom the LORD calls.

I am MAN hear me roar!

2007-10-23T18:13:00.000-06:00

I just read the first chapter of "Wild at Heart" for the first time. Good stuff! If you have read it then you will know what I am talking about when I say I am going to take my heart back. In light of reading this first chapter I come to the realization with the help of some stuff that one of my profs has said to me.

Why are youth so in love with music? Why do people raise their hands in the air at rock shows? Why do they raise rock on fists and scream their lungs out? Well I just might have an answer. This first chapter suggests that our world and sadly our churches and Christian families as well has stripped the meaning of what it is to be a man. By this I mean that we have taught our boys and young men to grow up into the nice mild mannered ladies we want them to be, and then we wonder where all the men have gone.( if you have read the book this is going to seem redundant, sorry.) Really we have turned them into women. Men were not created to be passive! Passion and adventure and risk is built into the Y chromasome that only the man has been given by God.

So now the answer to the questions previously stated. Now that we have tamed our young men and taught them to settle down and not be passionate and to be passive and to not follow their wild, seemingly mad dreams it is not wonder there are no men to be seen in our day and age. The reason concerts and rock shows and violent and wild movies like braveheart resonate with our young men is because it is the only environment that we have allowed our young men to express themselves outloud and passionately. As male in society I personally have this desire to yell and beat my chest and wear a kilt and to live with risk and to be bold. It is who I am created to be. So do not try and tame me. I am wild and unpredicable. I am fulling my cultural mandate givne to all men in Genesis to cultivate and subdue the earth and to be fruitful and multiply. I am producing fruit in embracing who God is calling me to be as a man.

Hallelujah by Paramore

2007-10-22T18:24:00.001-06:00

Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place,
If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday.
If only time flew like a dove,
We're gonna make it fly faster than I'm falling alone.

This time we're not giving up,
Let's make it last forever,
Screaming "Hallelujah".
We'll make it last forever.

Holding onto patience, wearing thin,
I can't force these eyes to see the end.
If only time flew like a dove,
Well we could watch it fly, and just keep looking up.

This time we're not giving up,
Let's make it last forever,
Screaming "Hallelujah".
We'll make it last forever.

And we've got time on our hands.
[And we've got time]
Got nothing but time on our hands.
Got nothing but, got nothing but.
[And we've got time]
Got nothing but time on our hands.

This time we're not giving up,
Oh, let's make it last forever,
Screaming "Hallelujah".
"Hallelujah".

I love these lyrics, and put the music it is that much better.

Beauty

2007-10-20T10:51:00.000-06:00

This morning I have been listening to a song that speaks of the beauty of Christ. In our image driven society it is easy for me to dismiss this by thinking, "how do you know Jesus is beautiful? Have you seen him?" The song is also sung by a couple of guys and culture today has taught us that this is odd that a man would sing of the beauty of another man.

It clicked for me when standing in front of my mirror that I am, and I would assume many other people, have become habitually trained to be physically driven to the point that it is hard to not see beauty outside of that context.

"Jesus, oh holy one, I sing to you forgiven. Savior I'm overcome with your great love for me.

You are worthy! you are worthy! You are worthy of all my praise!
You are beautiful! You are beautiful! So I lift up my hands and sing!

You are worthy! You are worthy! You are worthy of all my praise!
You beautiful! You are beautiful! So I lift up my hands and sing!

Mighty King how beautiful you are. How beautful."

So when this song speaks of the beauty of Christ, whether it was intetional or not, it is calling the listener to see beauty outside of what we are seeing. The picture of Christ's love for his church is a beautiful thing. Christ's church responding to that love by proclaiming that he is worthy of all our praise and we will lift our hands and sing is a beautiful thing.

The gift we have been given to experience God's creation with five different senses is a beautiful thing. So why do we emphasize sight? What about smell? Smell above anything has the greatest power to in an instant fling me into memories. When I was in elementary school my family lived in this neighborhood where one side of the street we lived on had these trees that produced this amazing sweet smell when they bloomed in the spring. Now whenever I smell that I automatically think back to playing hide and go seek with my neighborhood friends at dusk on a spring night, and there is the perfect temperature in the breeze and I can smell those trees by my house. What about hearing? I love music for the simple reason that it has this power of moving emotions in people involuntarily. Last night we had a concert here at school and the second to last piece just gave me chills with the amsing harmonies and overtones and a couple hundred choir members singing the last line double forte. What about touch? There is something about touch that can be healing and comforting. It can be the slightest touch that is the most powerful, that can send chills through your whole body. Flavors have the same effect on our memories as smell does. Our senses seem to control us and maybe the only reason we emphasize our sight is because we depnd on it the most to manage our lives. What about the blind? I often think they are priviledged to not have their sight from how dependant those of us that have our sight are.

Find ways to see beauty ourside of your sight. There is nothing wrong with our sight, but we have been given more than just our sight to enjoy.