I've Got It: Ultimate Revelation

So For years now I have been living life with this hunch that the majority of the people around me know something that I don't and there is a connection I ahve not made and there is something that is missing. And as rediculous as this might seem to those of you who have relized this long ago, I was thinking to myself last night as I was falling asleep that connection that I have been missing is the fact that I have lived for a while now in a balance of knowing what is asked of me as a Christian(Bible), as a student, as a son and what God is leading me to think/be/do, but rather living to what I see to be just short of fulfilling those roles to fullest, but acting like I am fulfilling them well enough so that anyone I encounter at first glance will get the impression that have it all together.

I know that our society in general, if they were to be honest, would say that they live in fear, and the sorce of this fear is that they are afraid that the world around them will reveal them to be the broken and incomplete person that they really are. I am broken. I am incomplete. Now what? If I were to meet a complete stranger that would admit to being broken, incomplete and then were to ask me "Now what?" I, as should any Christian, might just cry tears of joy for the simple fact that this would be the ultimate opportunity that God could give us to proclaim Christ's victorious, transforming and healing power in that person's life.

Now, I am again realizing/ admitting that I am broken. Now you are asking yourself, "where is he going with this and what is his ultimate revelation?" Last night I realized the reason behind my decisions for the past 6 years and maybe even earlier. I have been trying to figure out who I am, who God wants me to be and how do I make those two one in the same. My personality, my passions and my decisions combined over the last 6 years, if closely studied, would point to the fact that I have been living and am living searching for the ultimate HOW? How do I become who God wants me to be? How do I become the man I was created to become? How do I get to the point where I can undoubtedly say that I KNOW God and not just know of or about him? It has been a journey that I have taken not always being aware of it, but i realize it now. And I also realize that the answer is no that there is a point where I will have arrived. I will never "arrive". There will never be a point where I will say, "I have arrived!" unless it is when I am with God after my life on earth is done.

The answer to all my searching is that becoming who God wants me to be is found in the attitude that says, "Lord, I am willing. Not my will but your will be done"

Now the question is How do I live that? I will not be able to wake up every day and say confess that! That is impossible!

STOP! That is the point! The fact that it is impossible is the point. Because it is impossible on our own. You may have heard this before, but it can never become cliche or old or over used because it is the simple truth, and truth is always good and new and freeing. "The sinners prayer" is as simple as " I cannot but Lord you can. Lead me on."

The reason I have been feeling like everyone else knows what is going on and I don't is because I have been living in the balance of not fulfilling my roles of Christian, student, son. I simply have been lazy. I do just enough so I can act my way through life, instead of giving so much of myself that I almost kill myself trying to become the most amazing me there can be. I cannot expect good fruit to come out of my life if I o not put any effort to produce that fruit. One of my teachers in high school had a quote on her wall that said, "If you want something different than you 've had, then you must do something different than you've done." The band Audioslave wrote a song "Show Me How to Live" that says, "Live in my head, oh my creator. You gave me a life now show me how to live." Well when God shows you how to live the key is that you actually have to go do it, and God will speak to you through the Bible and through other Christians. So if you are not reading your Bible how do you expect God to speak to you? How can you expect to hear if you are not listening?

The key is to be willing. Lord I am willing. Not my will but your will be done.