God is good.

http://search.playlist.com/tracks/meeting%20laura <--(just click play)

http://search.playlist.com/tracks/Arvo%20Part <--(click on the Magnificat)

This is one reason why I think music and the human voice is absolutely amazing!
The Concert Choir I am in sang the second piece by Arvo Part for our Christmas Concert this past weekend... so good.

Sensory memory...

Today it has occurred to me that I love memory. There are many things that I love...family, friends, music, good eats, etc, but something that combines them all is memory. At least in past tense that is. Today have been listening to music that I heard a fair amount of while in the Netherlands, and I was just flooded with memories. I love that! I was telling a friend today how there is this one women's purfume that I think Mom used to wear when I was young and every time I get a whiff I think of being really young again. It is so good to be able to remember, and we need to really consider how much of our lives are dependent on our being able to remember.

Recently I found out of some people with memory loss due to horrible car accidents or from alsheimers disease...how sad! And I know this does not compare to those situations, but my laptop computer just lost its ability to remember that it has a hard drive. Memory is critical!

So here is the challenge for this Christmas season that is apon us...go listen to those great tunes of old that bring you back to the good old days, make that favorite dish that you always had growing up, take a whiff of those sensational smells.

Above all, realize that we are priviledged to remember so much. Remember who you are and who Christ is and who he has come to save. Remember that God delights in you, and when you enjoy the beautiful things he has created God delights in our enjoyment too.

God is good...despite final exams, crummy weather, nagging professors, depressing Iowa winters and the disappointments of daily life. Emmanuel.

Another post of the past semester, and didn't publish.

Something I miss about back home is the lack of wind. Something I have quoted for a long while now is that "you might not realize how much you love something until it's gone". Well the lack of wind is gone...as in there is now too much of it now in the form of lip chapping, skin cracking, body shivering, can't wait to get inside kind of wind.

The cartoon above is one of many created by an artist that a friend of mine introduced me to. His name is Sam and he draws cartoons based on titles that people email him. He has a web site of them called explodingdog.com and no I do not understand the title either, but I enjoy his work.

3 weeks to go until Christmas break. That feels good.

I wish I was here right now. Where is here you ask? Somewhere in Croatia. It looks completely care free to me.

A week ago northwest Iowa was blessed with some glorius 75 degree warm weather, and then somehow by Thursday a storm had rolled in and now it is 20 degress with an inch of icy snow, cloudy and predicted sleet. Yeah...about that... oh and yours truly could not help but take his first spill on ice within the first 24hrs of winter. It was about as graceful as flailing arms and flying legs can get. So now my hip is a daily reminder of how much I despise winter in the midwest.

In other news, this weekend one of my friends that graduated last year visited us. He was my RA sophamore year and has always been willing to give a listening ear. Tim Kooiman is one of my heros, but that probably does not mean much seeing as most of my faithful readers have never met the guy. He took me and a couple guys out for pizza on Saturday night...reminiscing and fun was had by all. I think I have finally made my mind up about choral music education. For those of you just tuning in, I was considering for about a month if I should come back to Dordt for a couple years to pick up a second degegree in previously stated area of studies. But now I think I will not. Although I am fairly sure that I will be returning for an extra semester next fall to tie up loose ends. Frustrating. I am not sure if I have previously blogged about other options for post graduation activities, but at this point I now have to consider how this extra semester is going to play into that. I have discussed with my friend Elijah about the option of teaching ESL in South Korea for a year, but now my plan for that would be set off by a year until 2010.

Here is the link to what I have been looking at...

http://www.teachabroad.com/listingsp3.cfm/listing/29333

I am not sure if this will be the exact organization I intend to work with. There are some others with the option of other countries, including China and Czech Republic, which have an underlying emphasis on spreading the gospel. The oportunity of missions is appealing. Yeah, so how is that for risky? Teaching ESL in a closed country like China with alternative motives of sharing the gospel along side of English. Crazy! As in crazy awesome! But I think South Korea is still the first choice of destination. So here comes the plug...

If any of you are looking for a way to earn good money ($1800-3000 a month), have an amazing cross cultural experience and be able to share your faith all at the same time than I suggest you look into a program such as this. Not everything will pay that well, but the one Elijah has talked to me about does offer this income as well as housing. Oh, and of course it would be that much more amazing if I could do this with someone I know.

Well that is about it for now...I have some a Spanish Lab to attend to.

Peace!

I am surviving. Life is hard, but I will make it. More to come, but too much to do right now. Please keep praying for me...wisdom, preseverance, encouragement.

Love you all.

Something I wrote last semester that somehow didn't make it to the Publish button.

...right, but at this point I am more worried about the future than the past. Today I going to meet with my theology advisor to walk through my options for the next couple years. Do I finish out my theology program and move on to something else, or do I extend my stay in norhtwest iowa for a degree in choral music education. I was talking to a frined last night about these ramblings that bounce around in my head. I realized that despite the stress of making critical decisions, there is a part of me that is excited at the thought of so many options to consider. A blessing and a curse I suppose.

Today in my missions and evangelism course we had a guest speaker for the last little bit of class. She presented on the option of going to China for 5 weeks to teach english. Crazy, but still piqued my interest...graduate, go on choir tour to Holland for a couple weeks and then maybe teach english in China for a bit. I LOVE traveling! It is a delicious experience to travel out side the states.

So now the options are as follows...

1. graduate with a theology degree...find a job...become independant...the norm
2. graduate, but then come back for a couple years to get a degree in choral music education.
3. drop out...(hey it is an option, but unlikely)...then who knows what.
4. graduate (theology)... go teach english somewhere international...china, Korea,etc.

This is all within the parenthesis of money of course...

"Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and youre okay.
Money, its a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash."

I think Pink Floyd forgot to write a verse about debt when they plucked this one out.

doo bee doo bee doo....what else?

Here we go again...

"All in God's timing."

Every year I have been in college I have had a bi-annual conversation with myself. I give a peek into what I am thinking if someone asks and honestly I appreciate when someone shows interest to give their take on the situation. But what is that situation you ask? Note: I have always struggled to justify debt. I am not a big money fan in general. So this inner monologue that I speak of, this pondering and wrestling I confront?

I am Lord willing going to graduate in 1.5 semesters with a degree in Theology(youth ministry). When I switched my major beginning of 2nd year I was excited about youth ministry, I content with my direction. But for all the worth of being in college and with the hopes of a degree I am still frustrated with the cost. But this is what makes this next bit so puzzling...

Should I change my major? Almost laughable at this point I know. I was bouncing some ideas off of a friend earlier tonight and suggested that maybe I am just not content with what I have chosen. What if I stuck with music, would I now be considering changing to theology because I was no longer drawn to music? Is it an issue of contentment or maybe it is a subconscious way of thinking that I don't really want to look for a job and be completely independent within a year. I do really like the in between stage I have been in for 3 almost 4 years.

The question is this...do I wrap up my work as a theology major and graduate and then on to who knows what in "reality"? Or do I double dip by working and studying full time? Or do I dare stick around and pursue a second degree?

If cost were not an issue, I would stay right here and learn choral music education here at Dordt. Why? I have complained of Iowa for all these years and I miss home. Why not just study choral music education back in the Seattle area? Maybe I really do love the music department here THAT much. Whoa! But of course cost is an issue. In some ways I have missed my chance.

The person I mentioned earlier had some profound nuggets...
1. pray about it, what does God have to say about this? (what a crazy idea)
2. is it worth being happy with your career once you are finished? (hmmm--> this is where that idea of contentment came into play)
3. what else factors in besides finances? would it be a waste of time?

It is almost as if I have gone through college once...I now know how it's done and maybe the second time around I will get it right.

Please pray for me, I need some divine wisdom here people.

"All in God's timing"

Mom, Dad, Gwen, Eric, Vanessa and Jane

I love you all, and I am glad you are my family.

"Ponder anew what the Almighty can do"

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty
The King of creation
O my soul, praise Him
For He is thy health and salvation
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near
Praise Him in glad adoration

Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth

Chorus:
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Praise to the Lord
Who doth prosper thy work and defend thee
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him
All that hath life and breath
Come now with praises before Him
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again
Gladly for'ere we adore Him

I have missed out.

This past week we had Thursday and Friday without classes. Finally a nice break to...(jump ahead to Sunday night)...What did I do this weekend.

Maybe something like this...

Sleep in.
Think about catching up on reading.
Think about the homework I have to do.
Trip to grocery store(x3)
Realize that I foolishly stayed at Dordt for the break.
Realize how this has put me in the position so either do the dreaded things on my to do list or to only get as far as to just dread them.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Failed attempt at taking a break.

I have decided that doing much of nothing does not satisfy the hunger and need for a change of pace, a break and time away.

The one good thing I did this weekend was go to church with a friend and then eat with his family for a nice home cooked Sunday dinner. And I suppose there are a few other reasonable things about this weekend, but now that it has come and gone I feel like I have missed out. I had the time and space, but there was no desired outcome.

Tonight I said to my roommate, "I quit."

I quit. I desire to demand of myself that because my appetite for a break has not been satisfied then I will not go to class, I will not do my homework and I will not...

No. Sadly, no. Responsibility, external expectations, other people...it all requires more.

Sometimes words just don't do the trick. Come inside my brain, come and understand my thinking and my perspective...

See what I mean? Do you see what I'm getting at? Yeah, sometimes words do not do the trick.

Idolatry

This morning I went to church and my mind trailed off on a tangent that was not really related to the sermon for today. My pastor here was discussing Acts 17 when Paul is discussing the "unknow god" that is in a city he is visiting. I have been considering idolatry and in what ways does that has taken shape in the world we live in today.

When I greeted people at church this morning I talked to multiple people that in response to "How are you doing?" replied "I am so tired", "Oh why's that?" "Well I stayed up late the last few nights."

I am tired today. There is nothing wrong with being tired besides the effects on your health as a result of chronic lack of sleep. But there may be something wrong with the reasons behind why we are so tired. I believe that there is an addiction to entertainment and it is evident all over the place. I once gave my parents a hard time for having the TV as the focal point of the living room, and yet this is very common is most houses. Advertising is rampant. The resources we have are endless when it comes to being entertained. There are so many things that are not in and of themselves evil, but the excessive use and abuse is what is evil.

I purposely use the word evil.

We are addicted to being constantly doing something, of being entertained. It is our priority! Check your email, watch some TV or a movie, play Ultimate Frisbee, listen to music to fill in the silence because silence is always awkward, excessive eating just because it is enjoyable, going to concerts, going to the mall, buying things in general. I would suggest that it has even come to the point of affecting our churches and services. I like, want this attribute in the service, and I don't like this about the service. And once the dislikes out weigh the likes then we can go to the church down the road that meets all or at least more of what we desire.

Idolatry is evil, it separates us from God. If we idolize entertainment it is a distraction and a obstacle that takes up our time and energy and it can over take our lives. I am always on the look out for "something to do" and if I am unsuccessful then I am bored. I think I have said it before, but I will say it again. Boredom is often a choice.

So now the question is how do you get a generation addicted to entertainment and doing stuff to break the cycle and the controlling desires to DO DO DO? And something else I find interesting is that our worth is dependent on what we do.

What did you do this weekend? Is it worthy of bringing up in conversation when you "hang out" with whoever. Why do you hang out with those people? Well, he has these things, he is socially acceptable, because he wears the right things and says the right things. If you have not been sufficiently entertained this weekend then you fail the test of Monday morning conversation...your weekend was boring, uneventful and you have nothing to contribute. You have no worth. Even our conversation is required to be entertaining. That is funny, that is amazing or that is extreme...whatever adjectives you want to use.

Give it to me...all of it. Give me what is physically, visually, and audibly pleasing. I want it because it tastes good. I may lose sleep over it, but it is worth my time because it is more entertaining than sleeping. Plus I can then check off my quota for how I have been entertained.

But our appetite, just like with any other addiction, will never be satisfied.

Stop it! Break the addiction. Start with a day, move on to a few, a week, a month. My mind is working against me, it lusts after my desires for fun and enjoyment.

It has become my American Idol.

Watching the news.

Something that is on my today after watching the news...INFLATION!
As if the American dollar could lose anymore value on an international level.

Stormy

Last night I woke up at 4am to what seemed like a strobe light going off in the room, and then...the building shook. I am not even joking. A huge thunder storm rolled through and it was one of the biggest and most intense lightning and thunder storms I have ever witnessed. I stayed up for a bit counting 1/1000, 2/1000 after every flash. At one point lighting was hitting so frequently and so closely that I could not even finish saying 1/1000 before thunder hit. It was crazy.

Lately I have had a couple different experiences like this that have been reminders that God is in control, and he cares about individual people. Enen in seeing parts of the movie Men in Black I was thinking about how small I am. If you have seen the movie you might remember how it suggests that the size of something is all relative.(i.e. an entire galaxy, in a marble sized ball, hanging from a cat's collar.

Antoher instance was in recently reading Psalm 56, especially verse 8.

"You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"

All of Psalm 18 is the same way. It descirbes all these crazy powerful attributes about God and then out of nowhere in verse 16 you come face to face with that same God. He is personal and He loves his people.

"The End Is Here"

Endless day
We search for what we hold inside
So hard to find
Luck turns
Will the fallen ever reach within
And rise again

For the rest of my life
I will find the answers
That were always here
I will find the meaning this time
I will fight for the end
Till the end is here

Wasted time
With words that seem to break our will
They blind us still
Without a care
They tarnish what we hold so dear
What was once so clear



"'Salvation belongs to our God
who sits on the throne,
and unto the Lamb." (Revelation 7:9-10)

These were joined by the heavenly hosts, "saying,

'Amen!
Praise and glory,
and wisdom, and thanks, and honor
and power and strength,
be to our God for ever and ever,
Amen!'
. . . These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore, they are before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple.'" (Revelation 7:12, 14-15)

...

They sang a new song, which they alone could sing:

"And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne

...

They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among men and offered as first-fruits to God and the Lamb." (Revelation 14:2-4)

Just the vials with the last seven plagues are poured out, there is another burst of praise and thanksgiving in the heavenlies:

"I saw what looked like a sea of glass mixed with fire and, standing beside the sea, those who had been victorious over the beast and his image and over the number of his name. They held harps given them by God and sang the song of Moses the servant of God and the song of the Lamb:

Great and marvelous are your deeds, Lord God Almighty.
Just and true are your ways, King of the ages.
Who will not fear you, O Lord,
and bring glory to your name?
For you alone are holy.
All nations will come and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed.' (Revelation 15:2-4)

We are now reaching the climax. A "Hallelujah Chorus" precedes the announcement of the Marriage of the Lamb:

"After this I heard what sounded like the roar of a great multitude in heaven shouting:

'Hallelujah!
Salvation and glory and power belong to our God,
for true and just are his judgments.' . . .
And again they shouted:
Hallelujah!'

Then a voice came from the throne, saying:
'Praise our God, all you his servants,
you who fear him, both small and great.'
Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing water and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.'
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)

Then the angel said to me, Write: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!' " (Revelation 19:1, 3, 5-9)

Anybody want to go with me?

At the end of this year I will be going on a choir tour back to the Netherlands...amazing. A couple nights ago I was talking to a friend about whether I was going to do some traveling around Europe after the tour. He suggested I just take another loan out and travel now while I'm still single and just out of college. So I have been considering where I would go if I did travel. I have already decided against it, but it would be really nice to get around to some of the countries that I didn't get to go to the first time in Europe. Plus some other locations that I wold love to visit.

England
Ireland
Sweden
Finland(I was in the airport for about 2 hours)
Norway
Poland
Czech Republic
Croatia
Italy
Australia
New Zealand

So who's up for it? A few thousand dollars here a few there and the trip of a lifetime. And then when we get back we ca job search together to attempt paying off the debt accumulated. I do not like guilt, it is way too good at preventing so many things i want to do.

All in the Family

I think it is funny, like ha ha laughable, that from the outsider persepctive on a family how it can seem like "man they really have it together". And of course the following thought process gives us this feeling like my family is really messed up. There was a TV show called "All in the Family" and those writers splendidly portrayed the family of its chaotic qualities.

I often refer to my close friends as brothers and sisters, and I really like the idea of having a large family...that there is something kindred and unifying between us that makes us family. Christ would be the dominant factor, but there is so much built into these relationships. We have our commonalities and ways we can relate to each other, and by all means we have differing opinions.

So this illusion there are families that don't have as many problems and sit peacefully in the family room every evening to talk about how wonderful there day was is ridiculous. And of course mother knits while father reads the paper and the children piece together the latest Thomas Kinkade puzzle. aaaaa, no.

I think that in the family structure God has a beautiful and often hilarious way of using the ways we hate each other's guts at times and the disagreements to make the statement "can't live with 'em and you can't without 'em" so true. I love my family, and I love my brothers and sisters. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes when need to remember that reuniting after that absence often leads back to the reality of the kids fighting because the other is hiding pieces of the puzzle to put the last piece in and mom and dad going crazy from the bickering and on and on and on.

And there you have it. Family is really designed to remind us of how depraved (or deprived) we are and our need for a savior. Hey check it out, I am already developing the ability, that all pastors have, to turning everything into a message about the gospel!

"God bless us, everyone."

Pictures

Upon my return to Dordt I was given some picture by on eo fthe girls that was on the SPICE program in Holland last spring. I found them entertaining...quite. The other guy in the pictures is Alex...one of my roommates this year. The explaination is that we were invited to a Hawaiian Luau themed event and the best part is that it was the youth group of one of the churches in the area. Oh, and yes they did serve beer. It was a dandy old night, and we had a good time listening to all the Dutch students sing karaoke to Dutch songs.

Kantorei

The other singing group that I am in this year is a small enseble called kantorei. Now that I think about it I don't even know what that means. But a song that we sang through today is called "Calling My Children". Dr. K., my choir director appropriately labelled this as the piece that all the freshmen parents attending the concert will weep to. Out with the old seniors and in with the new freshmen. It is relaly nice that seasons change over the course of the year because in a place like Sioux Center, Iowa I always find myslef wanting the next season to come already. But this is with the foolish thinking that the next season will be better than the current one. BAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Too flippin hot or way to freezing cold and by some miraculous act of God we sometimes get a day or two when the extremes take a break.

Calling My Children Home

Those lives were mine to love and cherish.
To guard and guide along life's way.
Oh God forbid that one should perish.
That one alas should go astray.

Back in the years with all together,
Around the place we'd romp and play.
So lonely now and oft' times wonder,
Oh will they come back home some day.

I'm lonesome for my precious children,
They live so far away.
Oh may they hear my calling...calling..
and come back home some day.

I gave my all for my dear children,
Their problems still with love I share,
I'd brave life's storm, defy the tempest
To bring them home from anywhere.

I lived my life my love I gave them,
to guide them through this world of strife,
I hope and pray we'll live together,
In that great glad here after life.

I'm lonesome for my precious children,
They live so far away.
Oh may they hear my calling...calling.. and come back home some day.

P.S. Kantorei is the name of another, older, German choral ensemble, and I suppose that the Kantorei here at Dordt is named after that.

simple Christian

I have been studying theology at Dordt College for 2 years now and entering my 3rd But now matter how many theology courses I take I have yet to find a reasonable cause to bind my beliefs with one type of theology. "I am a calvanist" or "I prefer the veiws of Piper". I often find myself saying "I can agree with that." but not in the relativistic(?) tolerant sense. What I am not tolerant of is an approach to Christianity that feels this need to logically explain everything. To say, "well God must of used evolution to create the earth because that makes the most sense" or to make a formula that explains everything in our world.

I believe God has given a great deal of organization to the universe and to our being human, but that does not mean that everything He created and how He works in our world today makes complete logical sense.

Not matter what Biblical theological view you prescribe to, it must come down to faith.

ASODGUBAEFVJLNLASNDVMNZOBPDOGHAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However you pronounce that and coupled with jumping up and down and bursting with excitement is my reaction to the email I just received from my choir director.

I made it into concert choir!!! This is something I have been wanting to be a part of since the day I came to Dordt and now 2 1/2 years of voice lessions and of being in other choirs has come to fruition. Thank you God!

The picture above is a picture of Ross De Wit. He's a frined of mine that was in concert choir last year. Oh and another sweet part of being in Concert Choir is the awesome robes!

Here here

So after leaving my house in Bothell around 8 am on Sunday, we made it to Dordt today around 12pm. We only made stops for food and gas and plowed through the rest. It was interesting to see the slow decline in scenery over the course of the trip...Western Washington through Idaho, Montana and South Dakota and finally to Iowa.

Upon arrival it has finally settled in that I am in my last year at Dordt. Bizarre and stressful to think about what this year will include.

Ready...set...GO!

Blobbed

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1824744

The advantages of being a larger person become more clear in opportunities to launch someone through 2 complete flips via a blob. But unfortunately according to most opinions being a larger person really has very few or no advantages at all. It surely is not considered an attractive quality, and lets be honest and recognize that when referring to a "larger person" with "more to love" would be the nice translation of fat, obese or possibly just plain ugly. Pleasantly plump huh? Just say it, I'm fat. It's not like you are going to give away some big secret that everyone until now has been hiding from me all my life.

"Wait, I'm fat? Noooooo, surely not. That's the most outrageous thing I have ever heard!"

In recent experience I came across this burning desire to know what someone else was thinking...whether conscious or subconscious. And there is a good chance I am over dissecting the situation, but I do not think so. I like to think that I tend to give people benefit of the doubt but sometimes not so much. Let me explain hypothetically...

You get onto a bus of people, and all of you are familiar with each other. Let's say there are 10 seats, two people to a seat, and you are the 10th passenger to arrive. There is on seat open next to a person who is currently seated by him or her self. Here is the million dollar question...Does it make sense for you to sit next to that person or is there something that would cause you to squeeze into another seat that really only has room for 2 but now has 3 people sitting in it? If you choose to not sit next to that person, what is it that drives you to cause discomfort for you and 2 others just to avoid sitting to that person? Is it to avoid that person, or is it that you want to sit next to these other 2 people you know so badly that you would bear anything just to be next to them? And let us also consider what thoughts are going through the heads of all the other passengers once your choice of making a trio is made. What about that individual sitting alone? I'm sure their sitting alone in this situation is a real boost of morale for the day.

Like I said before, many would claim that this would be over dissecting the situation. But I do not think that is so. In my recent experience I was the one to sit by myself. The point is not so much that I was lonely or desperately needed someone to sit next to me, but rather a point of what goes on in one's mind in this situation. I think it is all too easy to be ignorant to the effects of our actions. Do we understand the consequences of what we say and do or the things we choose to not say and do? Let us put an even bigger twist into the equation and inquire as to how we should conduct ourselves as Christians? Just consider the fact that being a Christian could/should possibly drive us to do things we might not want to for the sake of another's benefit.

Music is a beautiful thing!

This morning I have been listening to some new music and there is nothing that can think of that gives me motivation, inspiration and joy like listening to good music. I love it when I get chills from some really good organ, lead guitar, driving bass and drums, or crazy amazing singing. Some might say that I am really picky about the music I listen to. I would like to think that it is refined. Others would claim that my taste is too broad with anything from classical Chopin to some crazy techno I heard in a bar while in Holland. Either way, I love my music.

Controversy

Is it art? Could it be just a hobby, or even an occupation for some? Is it possible damnation for those who participate in such activity?

I have been thinking about tattoos lately. I know multiple people who have 1 or multiple tattoos, and I have brought it up in conversation every so often. Something I find interesting is whether I hear a positive or negative reaction to the subject it seems to be an eyebrow raising subject. "I have no problem with tattoos, I think they look really cool on some people...ARE YOU GOING TO GET ONE?" The person has already expressed their approval and yet there is this curiosity that surrounds the thought of whose buttons will be pushed as a result, or maybe how one's perception might change of the individual or even group of people getting tattoos.

OOOO my heart is just palpatating at the thought of the reactions I could get with getting a tattoo. Earlier today I was looking through some old pictures of my family and came across a pciture of my brother with ears pierced and his hair dyed black...what a rebel. I still remeber the surprize we all had when he came off the airplane for Christmas break with earings. I thought it was cool that he was pushing the boundaries of what was considered kooth in our family at the time.

So now I am curious as to why I have considered getting a tattoo for myself, hypothetically speaking of course. What could be driving me to permanently engrave something onto my body for all to see my individualism, my gumption and rebelliousness to all who may raise an eyebrow? The first reaction I could think of from some of my friends would be, "Dude that's totally BA!" (Bad ass that is) What's the world coming to with kids saying "ass" these days? And of course it is okay that I have stated it in my post because I have only quoted or parenthesized it each time.

Ass Christians... oopse I mean AS Christians what are the battles that we need to be figthting, and what are the things that we choose to make a big issue out of that could be getting in the way of what matters most?

Give me some feedback peoples. Peace!

What Have We Become?

"A preacher shuns his brother Cause his bride’s a different colour and this is not acceptable, his papa taught him. so It was love that he’d been preaching But this was overreaching The boundaries stretchin’ further than his heart would choose to go. Like an angel with no wings. Like a kingdom with no king.

What have we become? A self indulgent people. What have we become? Tell me where are the righteous ones? What have we become? In a world degenerating What have we become?

Speak your mind, look out for yourself. The answer to it all is a life of wealth. Grab all you can cause you live just once. You got the right to do whatever you want. Don’t worry about others or where you came from. It ain’t what you were, it’s what you have become.

Mom and Dad are fightin’ as Rosie lies there crying. For once again she’s overheard regrets of their mistake. With Christmas bells a-ringing little Rosie’d leave them grieving. The gift she’d give her family would be the pills she’d take. An inconvenient child she wasn’t worth their while.

What about love? What about God? What about holiness? What about mercy, compassion and selflessness?You know it’s true He is there for me and you...doesn’t matter what you do.

What have we become? Have we come undone? What have we become? Have we come undone? What have we become?Selfish… ??? With selfish… ??? Selfish people, when you gonna learn? Everyone of us gathered ’round in trust. What have we become?"

mmm, good ol DC Talk. This morning at Bible study it was good to read through some scripture and remember my continual need for grace and the fundamental message of the gospel. Too often my life becomes about my arrival. After this year at school I will have arrived to the next level in my life...one more notch of success on my belt. Today I was reminded again of the importance of helping the poor and the people in my community that really just need help. Just because I live in middle class america does not mean everyone is doing just fine. Widows, single parents, those who work overtime, sun up to sun down to manage, the elderly, the disabled.

Why does it seem that my blogs have this gross ability to become preachy. Maybe with a pepering of nagging guilt as well. And then again my what thoughts occur in my head seem to be printed into cliche sayings as I type them in here.

Lamentations 3:22-23...the last thought for today.
"22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions(mercies) never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."

Sabbatical

I will be taking a break from posting on this blog.

The Burden

By Max Lucado
The Daily Encourager - InJesus.com


"Come with me to the most populated prison in the world. The facility has more inmates than bunks. More prisoners than plates. More residents than resources.

Come with me to the world's most oppressive prison. Just ask the inmates; they will tell you. They are overworked and underfed. Their walls are bare and bunks are hard. No prison is so populated, no prison so oppressive, and, what's more, no prison is so permanent. Most inmates never leave. They never escape. They never get released. They serve a life sentence in this overcrowded, underprovisioned facility."

The name of this prison is depression, discontentment, want, frustration, self-pity, family issues. Yesterday I heard someone say "this weather is eating away at me". There has been so much rain, so many days of gray and days of being unproductive because of this weather. This past week I have thought a lot about spiritual warfare. So much of our lives is influenced by the spiritual realm. But along with these thoughts of the spiritual realm comes fear and uncertainty. I have lost sleep over my uncertainty. I have lost sleep over wondering "what if..." or "why does..." or "why can't I..." or "why did I...". One night this past week I came home and was struck with fear...I could die tonight. It is possible. Am I ready to die or am I holding too tightly to the present?

This is still an issue of trust. I know of people that profess complete peace, even when faced with death. I do not understand, and maybe it is because I still do not fully trust God with my life. When I was in Ukraine I had the same kind of doubts and questions...what besides my family environment has caused me to believe in the God I do? Some may think that these are elementary questions for someone who has grown up in the church, but is it really elementary? I see the evidence of the spiritual realm, I have God experiences and most of the time I do not worry about these sorts of issues. But I still do have these times of uncertainty, these times of fear and doubt, and it is all the more reason for me to believe in spiritual warfare, to believe that these times of fear and doubt is a bombardment of lies being whispered in my ears by the very demons that hate my savior.

Romans 13:12-14 "And do this because you know the time; it is the hour now for you to awake from sleep. For our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed; the night is advanced, the day is at hand. Let us then throw off the works of darkness (and) put on the armor of light; let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, 4 not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy.But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh."

Independent.

Other than a skateboard company, the word peaks my interest. This past weekend I had the house to myself because the parentals were in Vegas, I am the 3rd and final Pilon kid to be in the process of becoming independent. So of course like every good college guy does with a house to himself, I massive kegger and drank loads of alcohol and all kinds of people came over and it as a wild weekend of debauchery.

Not.

But I enjoyed having the place to myself, and I did have some friends over on Saturday night. (thanks for coming yall) Anyway, last night I spent some time with a couple of my friends as well. We went to compline at St. Mark's Cathedral, picked ups some food at Dick's Drive In and ended the night with some great conversation at Kerry Park up on Queen Anne. It was really great to just sit and talk.

Until...

Well let me give some background. One of the two friends I was with, whom we will call Bob for anonymous' sake, has been independently out of the country for the better part of the past year. They are now back and living with their parents. This is where the "Until" comes in. Me and my 2 friends were sitting on the ledge at Kerry park, enjoying the view, having some good conversation, and Bob's phone rings. Said phone was answered with a very unhappy parent on the other end because Bob had missed curfew. What I did not understand was the fact that Bob never had a curfew before, but ever since he has been living with his parents again he now has a curfew, and Bob is 19 years old.

I think independence is a hard thing for parents. It is just naturally built into parents to want to help their children and once their children grow up into responsible independent adults, it can seem so foreign for parent to not have to help their child nearly as much anymore. And this becomes the tricky balance of becoming independent. Does my 19 year old need a curfew, or can I trust them to be old enough know what their limits are and that the can take care of themself? I suppose the answer is going to depend on the person and the circumstances.

Hugs: the wonder drug

Have you ever wondered how effective hugs are?
You rarely give a hug that is not appreciated, or receive one that does not make your day a little brighter.
Can you think of any medication that has such pleasant side effects?

Hugs are good for you. They're not fattening and they don't cause cancer or give you cavitiies. They're
all-natural, contain no perservatives, artificial sweeteners or other chemical additives.

Hugs are cholesterol-free and contain 100% of the recommended daily allowance of hope and happiness. They are a completely renewable source of energy and they're available without a prescription.
Hugs don't require any special instructions. They don't need batteries, tune ups or x-rays.
They're non-taxable fully returnable and energy efficient.
They can be safely used in all kinds of weather: as a matter of fact, they work especially well during cold or rainy days. They are particaulrly effective in treating everyday probablems like stress, worry, anger, frustration, sadness or sorrow, and even the occasional nightmare. The best thing about hugs is you can use them without special training or prior experience. But a word of caution for those of you trying it for the first time. You should never wait until tomorrow to hug someone who needs it today. Once you realize how good it feels, you'll want to do it all over again tomorrow! Yes.... hugs are extremely addictive!

Full

Today is the last full day that I am in Holland and it is already 4o6pm. This morning I rode my bike to school and turned in some books to be reimbursed for, and then I turned in my bike. So I then took a nice walk home because I did not have my bike anymore. Tomorrow my train leaves from Zwolle at 715am. I still need to finish packing. Ugh. I am still not sure everything is going to make it home. I have already decided to leave 2 of he pairs of shoes I brought along because one pair is old and look like it too, and the other pair I don't really ever wear at home nor did I while I was here.

This past wednesday night we went to the pancake ship for dinner with the whole group, which I previously wrote about. It was very good. We all received dinging bells to remind us of our bikes and also a package of stroopwaffels. (Delicious Dutch treat) this whole week I have been accumulating things and every time I get something else I have to reconsider, "will this fit in my suitcase". I am coming home with more than I brought that is for sure. It is now 413. I am not a fan of time. It is like a curse..."oh I'm late!, time is flying by, a time to live a time to die." Time is often our slave driver. But then we also choose to let it control us. This is something I have loved about Holland. Down time, reflection, coffee breaks, visiting with people, sitting in this living writing on my blog right now. When I am at Dordt or at home, I feel much more of an obligation to time. As if my schedule needs to be filled with productivity and progress for the majority of my days. Hmmm.

I have been frequently asked in the last couple weeks if I have enjoyed my time in Holland and Ukraine. I have mixed feelings about Ukraine.........but I love Holland. I wish I could take my family and friends here for 4 months to see what I have experienced. Holland is a beautiful place and from my experience has beautiful people on multiple levels...

There are many Dutch girls that are cute.
Personalities of so many people that I have met are genuine and that is beautiful.
Beautiful houses and windmills dot the blooming, spring countryside, and the countryside does not smell like shit. Literally speaking.

And for those I have come to know and love on this Dutch program, I plan to see these people again and to give them all hugs and to recall the beautiful memories and to laugh and cry and be content with how much God has taken care of us for these 4 months. I will dearly miss this place, these people, this culture, this way of life.

Homeward bound.

Pancakes! How cool is that?

the answer is, very cool. Tonight will be a kind of last getting together of all the students that have been on SPICE this semester as well as all the SPICE Buddies(Dutch Students that hung out with us). We are all going to eat loads and loads of pancakes and talk about all the great things that have happened this semester. Oh, and the best part is that none of us have to pay anything for it. The school has graciously organized this wonderful get together and they are shouldering the bill as well. YAY!

There are still some assignments to finish up and hand in, but I predict that tomorrow will be the last day I will need to slay that dragon. Today was officially the last formal meeting of my last class. I had a presentation that went well. On a scale of very poor to excellent I was graded with a very good. Literally that was my grade. I chuckled when I realized that was literally the way I was getting graded for this course.

In other news, I found out today that one of the girls on the same program that I am will be taking the same flight to Philly that I am on Saturday morning as a result we will be taking the same train to the airport as well. It will be nice to have a travel buddy for part of the trip. Thankfully I will not be following her back to Iowa, but have every intention of flying into Seattle at 9pm! It will certainly be good to be back in the glorious Pacific Northwest! Oh, and I have placed an order for there to be good weather when I come back. So if it is sunny on Sunday you will know that I am home. But if not...then I am probably still home, and the non-sunny weather is not my fault. I know...that last little bit did not sound conceited at all.

See you all soon!
Peace.

Sloth:habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.

Today I have not been outside once. Most of my time has been sitting in front of my computer, and my intentions, although good, have been completely unsuccessful. I have things to write, and a portfolio to organize, and yet procrastination has become all too common for this 21 year old. Officially an adult and I feel like I have habits that I should have put to death years ago. Part of me wishes I had the determination and discipline to sit down and work on something start to finish and the result being excellence. Reality is that many things take me longer to do than they ever really should and almost never in one sitting.

Honestly this is embarrassing. I think I have a problem with sloth, and as a disclaimer I would say it is not all the time. But there are days where I have lost the desire to do anything I am supposed to and everything I am not supposed to or that is unimportant is so appealing! How do I change this wretched part of me? Results of a quick google search have revealed the Bible to compare the slothful to weak, dumb dogs, the opposite of diligent, wimpy, whinny and a begging mooch.

Ouch.

In response to my question of change, I would request the assistance of my faithful blog readers to give me the proverbial kick in the pants when you see fit. If I object, something to the effect of "you are a slothful, lazy, wimpy, whinny begging mooch." should suffice. And no this is not too harsh. I think a realization of reality in one's life is often the most effective cure to something many of us are experts in...... lying to ourselves. And despite the pain of the truth I would like to think that the outcome is ultimately for the benefit and growth of a person.

I need to go ride my bike or something else active, or is this procrastination at it's best? Waste a day away in avoiding what is important and then once realizing the waste and laziness that has occurred, one fuels the fire of procrastination in proposing to do something active that is still not accomplishing what is important. How about I propose to do something Productive.

Just the word sloth is so unappealing. Gross. Alright...moving on to more productive things.
Peace.

Frustration

When what is done has been done and all has passed
Once God has decided that the final judgement shall be cast
I feared I was lacking faith, I was losing my sight
My God, please have mercy on me tonight

When my words are made of ash and my mouth is dry
Once my strength was worn down and I rub my sore eyes
I feared I had pridefully refused all help and responded in spite
My God, please forgive me tonight

When I could not stop thinking and just rest
Once I had made my sin a frequenting unwanted guest
I feared I was damed and no way i would be cleaned white
My God, please give me peace tonight

When I realize these issues are not past tense
Once I know I have procrastinated the thought of what is reality...
I fear...

My Future
Death
What other people think
Consequences of my doubt
My weakness

2 Weeks

Today is the 2 week mark until I am back in the States. This Monday I will fly back to Holland and spend the last 2 weeks there. Today the rest of the siblings of my host family flew over from Holland. They have a break this upcoming week so David, Bram and Louis are now here along with a couple of their friends as well. It is really nice to see some people my age, and it would have been really sweet to have them here the whole time I was in Ukraine, but incidentally they are all studying back in Holland, and it's kind of like we are switching places in a way. It is cool to have a full house( 9 people). We all took a walk through the city center this afternoon. On the week ends the city closes down the main street and it is full of people sitting on benches and taking a stroll.

This up coming week will be a challenge. Technically I am finished with my courses that I was taking for the 7 weeks in Ukraine, but scheduling was over booked in terms of assignments so my teacher wants me to finish them this next week while I am in Holland. I feel that they will just be a nuisance to complete, as well as hard to do them with going home on my mind. Yesterday was my final presentation for the internship that I had while here. I had spent the last week working on an outline and notes on what I was going to present based on what my teacher wrote in the syllabus. A few of the other missionaries that live here in Kiev came to hear what I had to say, which I appreciated. I knew all of them and I was comfortable with them coming. Something that was going to be nice was that the presentation was informal so we just sat around the table and then left things open for questions and discussion while I presented. The problem was that I started to present and then ended up only say a third of what I had prepared because the discussion/ questions moved in a different direction. What we talked about was relevant, but it was not what I had been studying and preparing for. Unfortunately I do not think well on my feet when it comes to public speaking and I felt like I stumbled over my words and did not give the answers they were looking for. As a result I think the grade for my presentation will not reflect the effort and work I put into it, nor the things I learned from my time here. Frustrating.

Well I don't really feel like writing much else for now. Thinking about the presentation again is a downer. I will try to write again soon.

Blahhhh.

Translation= I don't feel so good. I have about one and a half weeks left here in Ukraine. I have plenty of work to do by the end of next week and I will have limited time to work on it. This weekend I am supposed to travel to another town in the Southern part of the country. Last night I was here in Kiev, but I had spent 2 nights before that on the train. Me and Jos took a trip down to Odessa for a day and the train ride is over night in sleeper cars. So we slept on the train on Tuesday and Wednesday night. Then I had one night last night in a regular bed and will be sleeping in a sleeper train car again tonight as well as Monday night. To be honest I have no desire to go on this trip this weekend. It is just to visit 2 of the small Reformed churches down there. I really don't know what to expect, plus I don't feel 100%. It could be from the lack of sleep and the fact that dinner tonight consisted of french fries and what were basically chicken nuggets. It did not even taste that good, and now I feel a little stomach and headache. Yuck. It is a common occurrence where there will be some food left over and for some reason I am the one that is asked if I want to eat the rest, which I almost never do. Then if I say I don't want it, the dog eats it. It is as if the idea of covering it with saran wrap and putting it the fridge is a foreign concept.

I really just want to go home...like...now, or at least back to Holland. I am losing desire and energy to finish the semester. It is going to be really nice to have some down time when I get back. It is going to be really nice to not have young annoying host siblings to deal with too. Chris is 10 and he has got such a mouth on him I am ready to slap the turd. It is literally half my size and he mouths off like it's the other way around.

I really do want to write some more......at least my mind does, but y body doesn't feel like it. Plus I have to go pack some stuff for the weekend before I head out to the train station. The train leaves in a couple hours. I might not get the chance to post again until the middle of next week. I hope you all are doing well.

Blessings.

I don't think....

...anybody with ever find the song they are looking for. Now that you are thoroughly confused I will explain myself. In reading some other blogs during recent procrastination sessions, I have found that quoting lyrics from favorite or profound songs is fairly common in the blogging world. I can identify with that. I have posted a few myself and yet every time I am never fully satisfied.

Still confused...keep reading.

I have always wanted to write a song with lyrics that could masterfully explain on paper the essence of what goes on in my head. I suppose the reason for my posting lyrics on my blog is two fold. One I have never felt that I possess the poetic ability to write that song... whenever I have attempted it is a pitiful representation of what I want it to be. the second reason is in the hopes that a song that someone else has written will fulfill my desires for the song that so beautifully encompasses the ramblings and interesting thoughts that bounce around in my head. At least I think they are interesting.

In light of all this I find it interesting when others post song lyrics, because I have a sneaky suspicion that they are never quite satisfied with the lyrics either. Keep on searching fellow bloggers. Fight the good fight and find those lyrics. I know at least I am interested in what kinds of thoughts others wish to be expressed in words. And now for your ironic pleasure I will share some lyrics...

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God

Galatians 1:10

As you can see from the picture above, I have cut my hair. Boy have I ever. I knew it would be short, but it is just one of those things where I had to get used to the lack of hair and how much more my haircut accentuated the roundness and size of my head.

In other news, I went to a presbyterian church service with a family of one of the guys that Jos (my host Dad) works with. His Name is Scott and he has a wife and 3 very energetic adn precocious kids. The service was really good. I was able to sit next to a translator and it was nice to see the differences between this service and that of the Christian Reformed Church that I have been attending with Jos. We had a very good lunch with "make your own sunday" for dessert. So good. Then spent the afternoon talking and playing with the kids. Honestly the conversation I had with Scott and his wife was a huge help to so many things that have been on my mind.

Being a 3rd year student nearing the end of the year, it has come around to one of those times I have been rethinking again as to what I am doing at Dordt and why I am studying Theology and what is to become of me after I graduate and so on and so on. This has been the kind of thing that's been running through my head for the past couple months already and these periods have become a common biannual occurrence since I have been in college. As a result I have had the chance to have dinner with 3 different missionary couples since I have been to Kiev and naturally this the these topics naturally weave their way into the conversation when I am asked, "So what is your major? How do you like your school? What are your plans for after college?" Typical questions, and I do not resent them at all. These conversations time after time have been some of the most valuable parts of my visit to Kiev because I am wrestling this stuff in my head.

Today was so good for the simple reason that Scott understood my perspective and the kinds of things I have been wrestling with better than anyone I can think of in the past 3 years of college. In light of all of what we talked about, as usual I was understanding more and more about perspective, but something that kept running through my head was this verse...I had to look up the reference...

Galatians 1:10

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

So I have all these questions about what I am supposed to do from here on out, and I honestly have some ideas I would love to pursue. All my life I have been so concerned about how others perceive me, and when I consider going for more school or an occupation or ministry I am interested in, my first reaction is that there are people who do not think I am cut out for that. There are people who will think I am not capable or do not have the ability to accomplish that...and often I move on and those ideas and possibilities left in a part of my brain that I have gone back to time and time again. It is a wonderful place where I dream of about a future that is not inhibited by money or the perceptions of others. It is a place where, if I stay there long enough, I believe that I am capable and desire it enough to accomplish this kind of future..........until doubts and assumptions of what others think sets in. My conversation with Scott was so valuable to me for the following reasons. We had been talking for a couple of hours already and I was explaining this process of what I love to do and how I would want to incorporate what I am passionate about into my work, and explaining my questioning why I am studying Theology and how does this translate to what I am doing after I graduate. Scott responded with an observation. "Over the course of this whole conversation in talking about what's going on for you and what you have been wrestling with, there has been one point where I saw a spark. I saw something you were passionate about and where you were genuinely enthusiastic about what you were talking about............and that was when you talked about music. When you play music, when you sing, when you listen to it."

I had met Scott just a couple times in passing before this, and before this conversation he really did not know a lot about who Joel Pilon is. I have always loved music. Scott explained something that one of his teachers in college had talked to him about. Consider where you are headed, what you are studying and what you love to do. Determine possiblities for your future--work, family, whatever. And then narrow it down. What is the one thing you love doing that if you came off of a long flight and you were jet lagged and tired and absolutely drained, you would still do this one thing because it is what you love.

Music.

I know this is going to seem cheesy and not mean that much to some of you, but whatever. The last 2 nights I watched the first and second halves of the movie Braveheart. Some of you know where i am going, and if you have yet to see this movie, I do not care what you have heard, it is applicable to everyone. It is worth your time. So I was watching Braveheart and it is just one of those movies that never gets old. the lines never lose meaning and they seem to never cease to inspire. In light of the conversation I had with Scott, I was watching the last part of the film last night, and there was one line that stood out.

"Of course all men die, but not every man truly lives."

It is just one of those films that make you feel like you could go run a marathon when the credits roll. Anyway more thoughts to come, but I will end it here for now.

Joel

Chernobyl

A couple days ago me and my host Mom took an excursion to the Chernobyl Museum in another part of downtown Kiev. It was really interesting to say the least, but sobering in many ways as well. We were fortunate enough to have a tour guide that spoke English, but at times we could not tell it what he was saying.

Some of the facts we heard were crazy. Roughly 91,000 people were evacuated from their towns and homes because of the incident. The explosion and fire occurred around 1am on April 26, 1986. Unfortunately the effects were astronomical that people in the surrounding areas did nothing for the first couple weeks because the government decided to basically ignore how bad the disaster really was.

The circumstances for the first couple days after the explosion were devastating to the firefighters and other workers who went in to clean up. They were given protective equipment, but even these workers were ignorant to what the radiation was doing to them. It is estimated that the protective gear they were given was protecting them from only about 1% of the radiation. And that was if they wore the gear. Most decided not to use it because of how heavy and awkward it was to wear while working. As a result the effects on their bodies was devastating. For every 2 minutes they spent in exposure to the radiation was estimated to take 2 years of life away. Many many workers died within weeks after the disaster. The radiation was so intense that devices they were using to measure it were worthless. The radiation was at higher levels then the devices could read.

The most fortunate part of the aftermath was the direction that the wind was blowing. The wind carried the majority of the radiation and damaging effects to the North. This is not to say that was not still very bad. But if the wind had been blowing South the radiation would have devastated the areas in and around Kiev and would have killed many more people...possibly in the millions. This is especially because the people in any direction of the disaster were not informed of the danger, and life carried on as usual. The day after the explosion The New York Times filled the entire front page and another half page of paper reporting on what had happened and the effects. That same day The Soviet Union Paper published 8 lines on the front page in the bottom left corner about the explosion. This was about the size of a small paragraph. That day more people in New York knew more about how bad the effects were then those being directly effected by it in Ukraine! It 2 weeks before Vladimere Putin made a public announcement about what had happened. But even then the evacuation process was near impossible for how many people were effected. There were a just over 100 buses and only 2 trains that were used to get people out of Kiev, which was not even close to enough.

The number of people that died because of the radiation is impossible to count or even estimate because of how massive of an area was effected by it. In the museum there were hundreds of pictures on the walls of just the workers that died from the disaster. Two men from the military received the highest award possible for their sacrifice, but this was only issued after their deaths, and their families only received a letter congratulating them on the award, but not saying that there husbands had died because of ignorance. For years after the disaster people were afraid of having children because they did not want handicapped children. The nearby forrest was so damaged by the radiation that the trees were glowing red, which is why that forrest is still call Red Forrest today.

The most amazing part of the tour was a video showing pictures of the aftermath. Through the whole video portions of the book of Ecclesiastes was recited in Russian. This was one of the most amazing experiences I have had while in Kiev.

Blessings to you all.

Checking in.

This past week has been challenging. My 10 year old host brother is acting just like a 10 year old, unfortunately. But that has only been an addition to other crazy events. Last weekend I spent Saturday and Sunday night in Rievna, which is about 400 kilometers west of Kiev. Me and a couple of the people from the mission team here in Kiev traveled over to visit the missionary couple from Holland that is living there. Over the weekend we visited 2 of the small Christian Reformed Churches in the area to check in with the pastors and elders and to see in which ways these churches need support. It was helpful to see the practical side of the mission work here in Kiev. Originally the plan was to travel straight from Rievna to another town a short drive south for a 3 day conference with the families of the Reformed Seminary students. But Sunday night did not turn out as planned.

While at the house with the missionary couple and the other missionaries from Kiev, I was checking my email in the study and then out of nowhere, blackout...nothing. I wake up lying on the floor with everyone standing around me and I am clueless. A couple of the guys help he sit up against the wall and ask me a few questions like, "do you know where you are? do you know who WE are? how are you feeling?". I was so confused. I recognized the people around me, but could not remember there names. I was still wondering why I was sitting on the ground and why I was not sitting at the desk checking my email anymore. Other thoughts running through my head included, "why is everyone staring at me? what just happened?" I was trying my hardest to answer the questions they were asking me and I was sure I knew the answers, but y brain was just not cooperating. And then after about 10 minutes of just sitting against the wall utterly confused, it all clicked. The one thing that I did understand and I was able to say..... "I just had another seizure." The man sitting next to me confirmed my realization and explained that they heard me fall. When they came upstairs to see what happened they found me on the ground moaning and shaking violently.

Honestly my first reaction was anger. I was so mad. This was not supposed to happen again. what is wrong with me. I am taking medication to prevent this. But the biggest problem was that I was already a month past the 6 months I had to wait to drive again. I just had to make it home for the summer and I was free to drive where ever I wanted. I had not (have not) driven a car in 15 months! I was crushed. It took all of 15 minutes for my thinking to clear up and to feel normal again. That night we decided I should go back to Kiev for a day or so before the conference. I took a small bus back on Tuesday. They call these things marshrutka's. They are basically an old, rickety, 20 passenger micro bus, and they are fairly inexpensive. If you need to get somewhere in Ukraine, there is probably a marshrutka that can take you there. Anyway, I took the 5 hour trip back by myself, which I found to be entertaining seeing as I know about 15 words in Russian, and everyone else on the marshrutka knew about -2 words in English. I thought it was funny and made the the best of it. The old babushka sitting next to me had about 2.3 gallons of old grandma perfume on, and half way through the trip she decided that my shoulder was a prime spot to take a nap on. I wish I had taken a picture. On Wednesday we traveled to the conference and things continued on as normal.

I actually enjoyed the conference quite a bit. The 2 speakers were a couple of pastors that had flown over from Holland, Albert and Albert. One of them was my teacher for my Cross Cultural Issues in Missions course that I had while still in Holland. It was really good to see him again. The topic of the conference centered around Covenant Relationships between ourselves, God, our families and friends. The place we stayed was very similar to the seminary I was at for the first week here in Ukraine. The meals were full of mystery meat, the dorm we stayed in was an adventure in itself, but the last night was by far the best. I have discovered by way of experience that hanging out in a sauna is a very popular way for Ukrainian men to socialize. So The last night of the conference about 10 of us hung out in the sauna for a while. It was quite an experience.

Well that's all for now. More to come soon. Thank you for all of your prayers and support.

"Oh yeah, these bottles of milk will last half a year with out going bad."

What is wrong with this statement. Every Saturday morning is when my host parents go grocery shopping. It is fairly similar to stores in the US, but the products are just different. Apparently this milk is sterilized by boiling it 2 different times and then packaging it. I do not care how sterilized they say it is, that milk was yellow and it smelled a little off when I poured it into my glass. Other interesting parts of the store is that there is an entire isle, both sides, stocked with all kinds of vodka. The wine section is even more extensive than that too. Basically a store within a store. The fish and meat department is questionable. Of all the meat I have seen in the past 2 weeks, I would say 70% of it looked and tasted mysterious. The food is not so bad, it is not like it is unbearable. Unfortunately my body has been complaining consistently for the past week. Today it feels like every bone and muscle in my body is aching and things over the past couple days have been running a little more smoothy than normal, if you know what I mean. ; )

The things I have been reading for my courses is enjoyable, which is nice. It is so much easier to learn about what I am reading when I can walk out the front door and experience it as well. This weekend I will be leaving for a trip to Western Ukraine. I was told just today that if I was not feeling well then the food in the more rural areas we are going to probably won't help. Yay. I was talking with my host parents, Jos and Marliss, last night about how it has been being the only one here. Of course it would be better with even just one other person. It is daunting to think about going anywhere by myself. I know all of 3 phrases in Russian, and apparently it is common for the locals to take advantage of foreigners. This sounds encouraging, yeah? I suppose things could be worse, but at this point it is a little discouraging. Now that I have been sick for a week, my positive, flexable attitude is in danger of plummeting.

If you would like to keep in touch in some way, it would be encouraging. Nothing against hearing from the family, it is just nice to hear from more than just the family at times. Hope you are all in good health and persevering. The last chunk of the school year has arrived, and I am looking forward to this summer.

Blessings
-Joel

Ukraine, By a Plane, Life's Insane

Alright, so I have now been in Ukraine for a week as of today. Honestly it has been really interesting, and I am already enjoying the history that I am learning particularly in relation to the Eastern Orthodox Church. I think the Orthodox Church in general is not very well know in North America. It tends to not be very disruptive or cause much attention to itself in the North American setting, but here in Kiev it is much more noticeable. But I will get to more of that in a bit.

My day of travel to Kiev turned into a more chaotic experience than was initially expected, by far. I was supposed to take a flight that left at 945am last monday. Unfortunately the luggage check system at the airport in Amsterdam is constructed horribly. WHoever designed this was not in his right mind and was paid way too much because it does not work. I woke up at 530 to leave the house by 630 to make the train to the airport at 645. I made it to the airport in plenty of time(2hrs) before my flight. I went to get in line to check my bags and there were 5 lines for anyone from 12 different flights to check in their bags= chaos. Hundreds of people want to check their bags for their flight at the same time. By the time I reached the front of the masses it was 29 minutes before my flight took off. I know this for a fact because the lady at luggage check told me I was too late to check my baggage because the cut off was 30 minutes before the flight. I was not happy. I proceeded to take a number at the ticket counter and then waited in line only for them to tell me to go to another desk which then told me to go back to the ticket counter and then the ticket counter sent me to customer service. I then spent more time explaining why I needed to reschedule my flight and there was no way I was going to pay for another ticket because their system for checking luggage was retarded. Finally they agreed, and then I went back to the ticket counter to get another flight, which took another 30 minutes. By this time it was almost 11am. The flight I ended up taking took me to Helsinki, Finland and then switched airlines to get to Kiev 5 hours later then originally planned. The one thing that actually went well was that I got through customs just fine. But then my luggage was lost/ left in Helsinki because of the switch in airlines.

All this to say that my day of travel was long and much more chaotic then expected. But I made it. This past week I spent most of the time at the Seminary that is just a short drive outside of Kiev. Then this past Friday I moved from the seminary to the host family I am staying with. Their house is amazing! It is considered an apartment, but it probably has more space than the average house in Seattle. It is right in downtown Kiev and the neighbors just happen to be a former general from the Soviet Union, an advisor to the current ukrainian leader, Yushchenko and various other rich and important people that are most likely affiliated with the mafia. Yeah, that commen about the mafia is not a joke. In fact most of the wealthy people in Kiev are either former communist leaders or have gained their wealth with connections to the Ukrainian Mafia. Apparently the mafia and the government are very closely connected and that's just the way it is...according to my host Dad. The last couple days I have been finding out just how much of a problem the mafia really is, and the basement of the building we live in is a perfect example. Over the past couple years the mafia has been illegally building a restaurant/ night club that is supposed to open in the next month or so. All the residents of the building are against the night club, but not even the advisor to Yushchenco has any influence to stopping the opening. The mafia just pays off or threatens any protest to the project. Good times.

The other large influence on Ukraine as a whole is the Eastern Orthodox Church. It is really sad to see how deceived these people are. I do not know what the Orthodox Church in North America is like, but it's influence here in Kiev comes across as very deceptive. We visited a couple different Orthodox Churches and a Orthodox Monastery today. The buildings are amazing and I will be sure to post pictures. The paintings and the architecture are so elaborate and everything is connected to the tradition of the Orthodox Church. There are many paintings of saints and religious icons all around the churches and many people come to kiss the icons on a daily basis. There is a common belief that as an Orthodox Christian one receives their salvation through the church. Many people come to their church daily to pay for the priests to pray for them and to forgive them of sins committed. But there is also a huge disconnect between daily life and what the church teaches. An example of this is a taxi driver that has multiple pictures of saints and religious icons and crosses hang from his mirror and on his dashboard and right next to them he has pornographic pictures posted. This is apparently common and there seems to be nothing wrong with this. If a man professes to be an Orthodox Christian and is cheating on his wife, his sin is seen as merely weakness that he cannot help. he is to just confess his weakness to the priest and will most likely continue with the affair.

In some ways Kiev is just like any other city, but there are also its quirks. In the same way the Eastern Orthodox Church here in Kiev has similarities to other denominations of the Christian Church, but there are some significant differences and dangers in fundamental beliefs. It is sad to see how people are deceived. Well I should go. This post is plenty long enough. I will post again soon.

-Joel

It's Been A While.

So I cannot even remember where I last left off, but there is no way that I will be able to update about everything. I think going to France for 10 days and making the transition to the Ukraine are the two biggest events that have occurred since my last post.

At midterm I had a few exams to take care of and they went fine, and then our whole group took a 10 day trip to S. France. We left on a Friday and traveled all night from Holland, through Belgium and Luxembourg and down through France until we hit the Mediterranean Sea at Marseilles, France. If that was a run on sentence I don't care. We took a bus and so the drive was about 18 hours from 8pm through to the next morning. This was my first experience with the Med. Sea, and all I can say is that it was phenomenally beautiful! We spent 2.5 days in Marseilles seeing a ton of sights. The whole week we were in France we might of had all of 3-4 hours of down time, not including sleeping. We spent most of our days from 7am until 9pm going all over to different historical and monumental sights and taking as many pictures as possible.

Some of the mentionable sights we saw in Marseilles were some greek and roman ruins, Chateau D'if Prison, some underground catacombs/ sarcophagi, and spending an evening sunset on the Med. Sea. After a couple days in Marseilles we then made a short 40 kilometer jaunt to a town called Aix en Province, and that was home base for the rest of the week. The place that we stayed was nothing less of a French Chateau. We each stayed in rooms for two people each and the entire property was incredible. The image above is the front of the Chateau. Unfortunately our jam packed days did not allow us to spend much time there.

While in Aix en Province we visited a number of the surrounding towns and sights. My favorite town was Arles. This is the place that Van Gogh cut off his ear and painted many of his works. While touring the town we stopped by the Van Gogh Cafe and a couple roman amphitheaters. If any of you have seen the movie "Ronin" with Robert De Niro, you might remember a part of the movie filmed in a roman amphitheater. The part of the movie where De Niro gets shot. That was the same one we visited. The town was sweet to say the least.

--SIDENOTE: Pictures of my trip to France will be posted shortly on Facebook. Stay tuned.

On the trip home from visiting one of the local towns we noticed an amazing opportunity that we convinced our leaders to let us stop to take a gander. This would be a level Aqueduct built by the romans. Furthermore the timing could not be better seeing as it was right around sunset. I collected a few rocks from the base of the Aqueduct that are not only ancient and astheically pleasing, but were also free.

There is much more to talk about, but I think I have already lost half of my readers with the length of this post. So I will leave an update on Ukraine until next time.

Tootaloo,
-Joel

Stress, and strange dreams.

A couple different in the past couple weeks I had some really strange dreams, and I am not sure why. I think it might have something to do with the stress of my midterm exams and possibly other factors I am not aware of. Something else that is odd is that when I wake up after having these dreams I feel disoriented for a minute or so.

Today I had my midterm presentations and exam, which took 3.5 hours. I had a presentation discussing and comparing the experiences of taking some excursions and observing two different mission organizations. I think I did just fine in that presentation, but the other presentation was a comparison of two articles that I had read on Pravoslavian and Reformed Doctrine. I do feel I had presented the material very clearly and that was probably because I did not understand it very well myself. Finally the third part of my morning was to answer 19 short essay questions in conversational format. The short essay part was not difficult so overall I suppose the extremes of doing well in 2/3 and poorly in the third will hopefully balance out.

After I had discussed everything of the test with my teacher, we then discussed how I had done in the course overall. Something that I was discouraged by was that he had deducted points from my grade because I had turned in some of my reading responses late. But really I had turned them in early. The misunderstanding was that he wanted me to turn them in a few days before we met to discuss them, and there were a couple times that I had turned the work in maybe a day after we had agreed but still a day or two before the work was due. It was a communication error with me not understanding that I was deducted points for this.

Lately things have been rather monotonous. I was planning on visiting Kyle in Germany this weekend, but I decided I would be unable to do well in my exams today if I had. So now I hope to go visit him later this week after my second and final exam day. So I be able to spend Wednesday night, all of Thursday and Friday morning with him. This is really the last time I can spend time with him in light of our group leaving Friday night at 8pm for our 9 day trip to France. Then once we come back a I have a day to recuperate and then I fly to Ukraine early on the morning of Monday the 11th. I will then return from Ukraine on April 28 and have just under 2 weeks of time in Holland before I fly home to Seattle.

I am looking forward to this summer, but I really need/ want to make a fair amount of money. It is really remarkable that I will already be a senior next year. I think I might start looking into opportunities continue studying once I have graduated. I think I might be able to take courses part time or in the evening while working a job during the day. But then the question is what I would do for a day job?

I would love to hear from some people from home just to see how you are doing and to stay in contact. You can comment on here or send me an email at joelpilon@gmail.com

peace