...right, but at this point I am more worried about the future than the past. Today I going to meet with my theology advisor to walk through my options for the next couple years. Do I finish out my theology program and move on to something else, or do I extend my stay in norhtwest iowa for a degree in choral music education. I was talking to a frined last night about these ramblings that bounce around in my head. I realized that despite the stress of making critical decisions, there is a part of me that is excited at the thought of so many options to consider. A blessing and a curse I suppose.
Today in my missions and evangelism course we had a guest speaker for the last little bit of class. She presented on the option of going to China for 5 weeks to teach english. Crazy, but still piqued my interest...graduate, go on choir tour to Holland for a couple weeks and then maybe teach english in China for a bit. I LOVE traveling! It is a delicious experience to travel out side the states.
So now the options are as follows...
1. graduate with a theology degree...find a job...become independant...the norm
2. graduate, but then come back for a couple years to get a degree in choral music education.
3. drop out...(hey it is an option, but unlikely)...then who knows what.
4. graduate (theology)... go teach english somewhere international...china, Korea,etc.
This is all within the parenthesis of money of course...
"Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and youre okay.
Money, its a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash."
I think Pink Floyd forgot to write a verse about debt when they plucked this one out.
doo bee doo bee doo....what else?
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Here we go again...
"All in God's timing."
Every year I have been in college I have had a bi-annual conversation with myself. I give a peek into what I am thinking if someone asks and honestly I appreciate when someone shows interest to give their take on the situation. But what is that situation you ask? Note: I have always struggled to justify debt. I am not a big money fan in general. So this inner monologue that I speak of, this pondering and wrestling I confront?
I am Lord willing going to graduate in 1.5 semesters with a degree in Theology(youth ministry). When I switched my major beginning of 2nd year I was excited about youth ministry, I content with my direction. But for all the worth of being in college and with the hopes of a degree I am still frustrated with the cost. But this is what makes this next bit so puzzling...
Should I change my major? Almost laughable at this point I know. I was bouncing some ideas off of a friend earlier tonight and suggested that maybe I am just not content with what I have chosen. What if I stuck with music, would I now be considering changing to theology because I was no longer drawn to music? Is it an issue of contentment or maybe it is a subconscious way of thinking that I don't really want to look for a job and be completely independent within a year. I do really like the in between stage I have been in for 3 almost 4 years.
The question is this...do I wrap up my work as a theology major and graduate and then on to who knows what in "reality"? Or do I double dip by working and studying full time? Or do I dare stick around and pursue a second degree?
If cost were not an issue, I would stay right here and learn choral music education here at Dordt. Why? I have complained of Iowa for all these years and I miss home. Why not just study choral music education back in the Seattle area? Maybe I really do love the music department here THAT much. Whoa! But of course cost is an issue. In some ways I have missed my chance.
The person I mentioned earlier had some profound nuggets...
1. pray about it, what does God have to say about this? (what a crazy idea)
2. is it worth being happy with your career once you are finished? (hmmm--> this is where that idea of contentment came into play)
3. what else factors in besides finances? would it be a waste of time?
It is almost as if I have gone through college once...I now know how it's done and maybe the second time around I will get it right.
Please pray for me, I need some divine wisdom here people.
"All in God's timing"
Every year I have been in college I have had a bi-annual conversation with myself. I give a peek into what I am thinking if someone asks and honestly I appreciate when someone shows interest to give their take on the situation. But what is that situation you ask? Note: I have always struggled to justify debt. I am not a big money fan in general. So this inner monologue that I speak of, this pondering and wrestling I confront?
I am Lord willing going to graduate in 1.5 semesters with a degree in Theology(youth ministry). When I switched my major beginning of 2nd year I was excited about youth ministry, I content with my direction. But for all the worth of being in college and with the hopes of a degree I am still frustrated with the cost. But this is what makes this next bit so puzzling...
Should I change my major? Almost laughable at this point I know. I was bouncing some ideas off of a friend earlier tonight and suggested that maybe I am just not content with what I have chosen. What if I stuck with music, would I now be considering changing to theology because I was no longer drawn to music? Is it an issue of contentment or maybe it is a subconscious way of thinking that I don't really want to look for a job and be completely independent within a year. I do really like the in between stage I have been in for 3 almost 4 years.
The question is this...do I wrap up my work as a theology major and graduate and then on to who knows what in "reality"? Or do I double dip by working and studying full time? Or do I dare stick around and pursue a second degree?
If cost were not an issue, I would stay right here and learn choral music education here at Dordt. Why? I have complained of Iowa for all these years and I miss home. Why not just study choral music education back in the Seattle area? Maybe I really do love the music department here THAT much. Whoa! But of course cost is an issue. In some ways I have missed my chance.
The person I mentioned earlier had some profound nuggets...
1. pray about it, what does God have to say about this? (what a crazy idea)
2. is it worth being happy with your career once you are finished? (hmmm--> this is where that idea of contentment came into play)
3. what else factors in besides finances? would it be a waste of time?
It is almost as if I have gone through college once...I now know how it's done and maybe the second time around I will get it right.
Please pray for me, I need some divine wisdom here people.
"All in God's timing"
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
"Ponder anew what the Almighty can do"
Praise to the Lord, the Almighty
The King of creation
O my soul, praise Him
For He is thy health and salvation
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near
Praise Him in glad adoration
Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth
Chorus:
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Praise to the Lord
Who doth prosper thy work and defend thee
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee
Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him
All that hath life and breath
Come now with praises before Him
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again
Gladly for'ere we adore Him
The King of creation
O my soul, praise Him
For He is thy health and salvation
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near
Praise Him in glad adoration
Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth
Shelters thee under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth
Hast thou not seen how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth
Chorus:
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Praise to the Lord
Who doth prosper thy work and defend thee
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee
Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him
All that hath life and breath
Come now with praises before Him
Let the 'amen' sound from His people again
Gladly for'ere we adore Him
Monday, October 6, 2008
I have missed out.
This past week we had Thursday and Friday without classes. Finally a nice break to...(jump ahead to Sunday night)...What did I do this weekend.
Maybe something like this...
Sleep in.
Think about catching up on reading.
Think about the homework I have to do.
Trip to grocery store(x3)
Realize that I foolishly stayed at Dordt for the break.
Realize how this has put me in the position so either do the dreaded things on my to do list or to only get as far as to just dread them.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Failed attempt at taking a break.
I have decided that doing much of nothing does not satisfy the hunger and need for a change of pace, a break and time away.
The one good thing I did this weekend was go to church with a friend and then eat with his family for a nice home cooked Sunday dinner. And I suppose there are a few other reasonable things about this weekend, but now that it has come and gone I feel like I have missed out. I had the time and space, but there was no desired outcome.
Tonight I said to my roommate, "I quit."
I quit. I desire to demand of myself that because my appetite for a break has not been satisfied then I will not go to class, I will not do my homework and I will not...
No. Sadly, no. Responsibility, external expectations, other people...it all requires more.
Sometimes words just don't do the trick. Come inside my brain, come and understand my thinking and my perspective...
See what I mean? Do you see what I'm getting at? Yeah, sometimes words do not do the trick.
Maybe something like this...
Sleep in.
Think about catching up on reading.
Think about the homework I have to do.
Trip to grocery store(x3)
Realize that I foolishly stayed at Dordt for the break.
Realize how this has put me in the position so either do the dreaded things on my to do list or to only get as far as to just dread them.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Good intentions.
Failed attempt at taking a break.
I have decided that doing much of nothing does not satisfy the hunger and need for a change of pace, a break and time away.
The one good thing I did this weekend was go to church with a friend and then eat with his family for a nice home cooked Sunday dinner. And I suppose there are a few other reasonable things about this weekend, but now that it has come and gone I feel like I have missed out. I had the time and space, but there was no desired outcome.
Tonight I said to my roommate, "I quit."
I quit. I desire to demand of myself that because my appetite for a break has not been satisfied then I will not go to class, I will not do my homework and I will not...
No. Sadly, no. Responsibility, external expectations, other people...it all requires more.
Sometimes words just don't do the trick. Come inside my brain, come and understand my thinking and my perspective...
See what I mean? Do you see what I'm getting at? Yeah, sometimes words do not do the trick.
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