Thursday, December 6, 2007

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Last night there was praise and worship here on capus just like every week on wednesday nights. Last night the praise and worship team that I am on played and I had the opportunity and permission from the leader of my team to lead worship last night. I picked out the music, and made my best effort to pick songs that worked well together. I was very pleased with the songs that I chose. I had almost 3 weeks to put the set list together and decide how I wanted to do things for last night.

A typica set consists of about 8-10 songs with prayer or a couple verses plugged inbetween songs. I have felt that over the course of this semester there has been quite a bit of individualism in terms of alone silent prayerinbetween songs or the leader for that night taking a few minutes to give a lesson. I feel like these disrupt the flow of music. It is possible to tyr and make the music flow too much, but we have yet to get any where near that line this semester. So in light of what I felt like choppy worship in weeks past I chose to keep things simple. We had about 10 songs and the only interruptions was a couple verses and thoughts that I shared after the two songs. I emphasized how the time of worship we have won wednesdays is unique in the way that it is designed to be in a community setting and there is something special about communal worship. In light of that I expalined that the worship was going to flow without much interruption.

The time we had to practice I felt was a battle. We have 7 people on our team, and last night I felt that, including myself, there were 3.5 people trying to lead the team. I had put the set together and I had ideas for how I wanted to play most of the songs. But I felt like I would let the team know what I had envisioned the song to go and then I would face 2 people oppsing what I had said with how they thought it should be played! But the reason why I said .5 is that there was a person on the team that was very helpful they were not looking to enforce their opinion, but would suggest something and would leave it up to me to decide. Needless to say, after all was said and done. One of the songs I wanted to do was scrapped for another that someone else wanted to do. The time we had to practice, although is sounded fairly good, took way longer than it usually does because of the opposition. And I felt really rushed.

We play through praise and worship and I think it was one of the most frustrating experiences playing for worship I have ever had! I was really discouraged afterward. Almost always after playing for praise and worship I get a couple comments that I played well, which I do not know how to respond to. Last night I didn't believe it when people said I did well. And in any case it bothers me when I am complemented for playing for praise and worship. I do not like the attention. I should not be the focus of praise and worship.

I feel like last night I tried so hard to make sure the attention was not on us as a team, but there seemd to be tention between me and the couple of people that wanted to lead. It was not right. I felt like the two that were enforcing their opinion did not trust me as the leader for that night. I have no intentions of being a threat to anyone, but in some ways I think the guy that typically leads our team feels threatened by me.

I am so botherd by how last night went, because I feel like the tention directly affected how praise and worship went last night. And because of the things I felt we did poorly I feel that is a reflection on me as a person. I do not want to be seen as selfish or distracting.

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